The Story of a Zimbabwean Laptop
Comrades, I must admit I have a rebellion on my hands.
My computer is split into three factions with all of them up in arms (prolly cos they’re cut from the same cloth). The entire system is on a go-slow, resource usage is sky-rocketing and now even the smaller programs are refusing to function.
First I thought I’d been infected by a virus from outside; but after purging a variety of files with no solution, it seems the problem is an internal matter which somehow slipped through all my safeguards.
I have tried all sorts of stop-gap measures, removing unnecessary software to curb leakage of resources, but I’m now having issues with the basic hardware itself. My memory is failing, the screen fades out and even blanks out occasionally; the central processor is having a hell of a time trying to cope.
I’m even past the stage where regular reboots are helpful. The system crashes when I run video, open too many connections to the rest of the world, even when I plug in (or remove) peripherals. Bloody hell, if I disconnect the power cable for a second the whole system freezes.
I think it’s time to declare a state of emergency here. I’ll call in the Linux cavalry and wipe the entire thing out, amalgamate all three partitions, and rebuild the system on a back-to-basics template.
Or maybe I’ll just admit failure and give my laptop to another user.
February 21st, 2008 at 15:58 pm
failure is not an option!
February 21st, 2008 at 16:06 pm
Well, at 100 000% inflation, failure is the only option. Now just to negotiate an exit strategy.
February 21st, 2008 at 16:09 pm
Hey, what’s inflation got to do with it? I just need to buy a new, smaller and more discreet laptop
February 21st, 2008 at 16:26 pm
Well, it’s an interesting allegory you have used here. A bit of genius, in my reckoning. You do of course have to factor in things like, will the user you pass it on to FIX it? Or will he wreck it beyond consolation? Or even give it up in frustration?
All around, job well done mate. %100,000? Must be horrible.
February 21st, 2008 at 16:48 pm
Why thank you, and welcome. The next user could very well consign it to the scrap heap, but like Ed said … failure is not an option!
February 21st, 2008 at 16:55 pm
Major dominion, some lip gloss to lubricate your ass-kissing? :))
February 21st, 2008 at 17:18 pm
Oh Ele you beat me to it. Ibvai apa. Throw it away!
February 21st, 2008 at 17:26 pm
Ladies, ladies, don’t be bitches all your lives
Gazza’s got mental health problems. Like, duh.
February 21st, 2008 at 17:52 pm
I am looking for CDs by the Celebration Choir of Bonnie Deuschle fame. I have looked around online I must be using the wrong search criterion coz I cant find anything. Any ideas/help/sources?
February 21st, 2008 at 21:25 pm
Gazza has always been a nut case..
The Indians have spoken and the spineless ICC have jumped……money talks and the ICC have a very good ear!!!
February 21st, 2008 at 21:55 pm
Do you want to buy the CDs or pirate them? Cos I know someone you can get in touch with from Celebration Music.
February 22nd, 2008 at 08:19 am
what the fuck is hapnin round hrr? last post the chick was happy an’ now the dude is talkin’ politics
February 22nd, 2008 at 09:27 am
hezvo hezvo……..
February 22nd, 2008 at 09:45 am
LOL talk about getting the message, but missing the point.
February 23rd, 2008 at 03:45 am
Simba Makoni. The onld man has u by the ballz
February 23rd, 2008 at 08:19 am
At this rate, I’ll be running for office in the next election. So I’ve got 5 years to sort my shit out.
February 23rd, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Typical of Zimbos to beat about the bush. You know that ‘Sekuru’ in a core processor is too old and has been a lousy manager anyway.
I think you stuffed it up back in 2000 when you defragged and instead of optimizing, the stupid machine deleted system files and allocated space for You Tube video steaming and now your hard drive is a ‘party over here’ for all the black people.
My recomendation - change the operating system!
February 23rd, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Ha ha ha ha! Shall we change to apple?
“defrag”. Good times.
February 23rd, 2008 at 13:18 pm
aiwa mhata dzenyu ed lover act like you dont know, plus I know kuti joe muvengi wamudhara!!!!!!!!
February 23rd, 2008 at 14:16 pm
Are you drunk, biahtch? You know that I don’t hate anybody … much love for all the peeps. (gallery: yeah, right!!)
February 23rd, 2008 at 14:28 pm
nhai cheeks wsup with that?
February 23rd, 2008 at 14:35 pm
Jambanja at the hotel …
February 23rd, 2008 at 14:53 pm
can i come for a drink up?
February 23rd, 2008 at 15:10 pm
It’s off now, underscribed. We’re going to Mambo’s.
February 23rd, 2008 at 17:20 pm
JB Esq. If you could hook me up with some bootleg copies, I would be most appreciative. But I am prepared to pay for them if need be. This is only as the last recourse mind you.
How much is a beer nowadays?
February 25th, 2008 at 07:45 am
Hah no chance dear, we don’t DO bootleg
Beer is costly iwe, 15 to 20 million for a pint, 30 million for a headmaster. Double that for imports.
Shame.
February 25th, 2008 at 09:36 am
and what about bottlestore prices?surely those are pub,club prices.
February 25th, 2008 at 09:38 am
heheh
liverpool won 
cheaski lost 
arsenal drew but the scum won and how 
except for the last part twas a cool weekend how was everyone elses
February 25th, 2008 at 09:40 am
hmm bottle store pint is 7 without empty… do the math guessin everything else is like half keg price
February 25th, 2008 at 10:19 am
So did you have your little drinks party? I’m going to the Kaap for the week yippee. Sun!
February 25th, 2008 at 12:16 pm
cape town sucks durban baby what? what?
February 25th, 2008 at 13:36 pm
I think I was a little late in trying to organise my little do, next time I’ll plan it well ahead.
February 25th, 2008 at 15:59 pm
So how about the Oscars? Any surprises.