To be absolutely honest …
… I really can’t be arsed. I’ve had a long week with HIFA, and Sunday IS the day of rest. I can barely type, let alone post. Stay tuned.
RustyGate
because your life is boring
Meet Joe Black...
Joe Black was born in the summer of 1979, with Zimbabwe on the verge of total independence. Having missed the dreaded ‘born-free’ tag by mere months, he proceeded to grow into a fine upstanding citizen of the new democracy. Not.
All About Eleanour...
It would be easy to trot out the usual adjectives in defence of my character: strong-willed, acerbic wit, vicious tongue, vitriolic self deprecating sense of humour (and these would be the positives), but this would be too easy, and probably not an accurate summation of the sum of my parts.
64 Responses to “To be absolutely honest …”
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May 5th, 2008 at 07:17 am
Don’t worry hun Zim is a joke anyway.
May 5th, 2008 at 08:56 am
Ko zve run-off izvi?
May 5th, 2008 at 11:54 am
Zim is one big international joke, I know. As for the run-off, we just wait and see innit?
May 5th, 2008 at 13:26 pm
we been waiting to see for a while now innit? we myt jus as well continue to do so:-(
May 5th, 2008 at 17:34 pm
Hmmm, these guiys cld delay for up to a year …
May 5th, 2008 at 17:37 pm
And you can bet your bottom open market floated dollar that after a year there will still be no crisis.
May 5th, 2008 at 17:39 pm
Crisis? What crisis?
May 5th, 2008 at 23:11 pm
http://www.thetimes.co.za/Columnists/Article.aspx?id=741855
May 5th, 2008 at 23:14 pm
Read the comments, at least until “pizzaman”.
May 6th, 2008 at 01:48 am
Failing to follow this link, it keeps returning an error. What is the distilled version of the story?
So 250million dollar hey? The cash barons/baronesses are going to be be less visible now. No more wheelbarrows and suitcases.
May 6th, 2008 at 02:50 am
Uncolonised Africa wouldn’t know what it was missing
Published:Apr 07, 2008 (Africa Times)
–
Imagine for a moment what life would be like in South Africa if the evil white man hadn’t come to disturb the rustic idyll of the early black settlers.
Ignored by the Portuguese and Dutch, except as a convenient resting point en route to India. Shunned by the British, who had decided that their empire was already large enough and didn’t need to include bits of Africa.
The vast mineral wealth lying undisturbed below the Highveld soil as simple tribesmen graze their cattle blissfully unaware that beneath them lies one of the richest gold seams in the world. But what would they want with gold?
There are no roads because no roads are needed because there are no cars. It’s 2008 and no one has taken the slightest interest in South Africa, apart from a handful of botanists and zoologists who reckon that the country’s flora and fauna rank as one of the largest unspoilt areas in a polluted world.
Because they have never been exposed to the sinful ways of the West, the various tribes of South Africa live healthy and peaceful lives, only occasionally indulging in a bit of ethnic cleansing.
Their children don’t watch television because there is no television to watch. Instead they listen to their grandparents telling stories around a fire. They live in single-storey huts arranged to catch most of the day’s sunshine and their animals are kept nearby.
Nobody has any more animals than his family needs and nobody grows more crops than he requires to feed his family and swap for other crops. Ostentation is unknown because what is the point of trying to impress your fellow citizens when they are not impressible?
The dreaded Internet doesn’t exist in South Africa and cellphone companies have laughed off any hope of interesting the inhabitants in talking expensively into a piece of black plastic. There are no unsightly shopping malls selling expensive goods made by Asian slave workers and consequently there are no newspapers or magazines carrying articles comparing the relative merits of ladies’ handbags.
Whisky, the curse of the white man, isn’t known in this undeveloped land and neither are cigars. The locals brew a sort of beer out of vegetables and drink it out of shallow wooden bowls. Five-litre paint cans have yet to arrive in South Africa.
Every so often a child goes missing from the village, eaten either by a hungry lion or a crocodile. The family mourn for a week or so and then have another child. Life is, on the whole, pretty good but there is something vital missing. Being unaware of the temptations of the outside world, nobody knows what it is. Fire has been discovered and the development of the wheel is coming on nicely but the tribal elders are still aware of some essential happiness ingredient they still need to discover. Praying to the ancestors is no help because they are just as clueless.
Then something happens that will change this undisturbed South Africa forever. Huge metal ships land on the coast and big metal flying birds are sent to explore the sparsely populated hinterland. They are full of men from a place called China and they are looking for coal, metal, oil, platinum, farmland, fresh water and cheap labour and lots of it. Suddenly the indigenous population realise what they have been missing all along: someone to blame. At last their prayers have been answered.
by David Bullard
May 6th, 2008 at 07:03 am
Oh yes, this whole kerfuffle. Darling it’s about two weeks old, the guy was fired for writing this.
Although his mandate, having read his column for years, was to ‘talk shit’ and stir the pot, really. This time he went too far, in my opinion.
$250m? Where?
May 6th, 2008 at 08:15 am
whats this about 250m? has something happened in my absence? wouldn’t be surprised. Zim this morning will not be the same Zim in the evening of the same day. TIZ indeed!!
May 6th, 2008 at 08:43 am
I KNOW! You’ve been away two days and we have TWO new bearer cheques. I haven’t seen them yet though.
May 6th, 2008 at 09:53 am
as you would say FFS, thats all i can say. im not sure i want to come back lol
May 6th, 2008 at 10:26 am
Yeah David Bullard is the equivalent of Jon Q on News 24, just a shit stirrer.
How many loaves of bread can 250million buy, if you find it?
Question about prices: if I wanted to buy a second hand Mazda 323 2000model, about how much would that set me back?
May 6th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
250 million is four loaves of bread. As for a car, I don’t know dear. Expect to pay over usd5,000 definitely, and today that’s … 1 trillion dollars
May 6th, 2008 at 13:06 pm
four loaves of bread in the shop JB if you can find it. on the black market, which happens to be right outside the supermarkets its 100m, or at least it was wen i left.
May 6th, 2008 at 13:33 pm
Yeah, I know Bullard got fired etc. I only just read this (see how I read the SA papers lol - accidentally).
Guys, the Zim Zeros are confusing enough without changing notes. Stay where you are Minnie! It’s prolly less hassle lol.
BTW, I’m coming home.
May 6th, 2008 at 14:25 pm
Change of guard? LOL!
May 6th, 2008 at 14:52 pm
Shut up Elle!!!
What’s all this now?
May 6th, 2008 at 15:05 pm
Ms J:, is that read ’stay where you are Minnie, coz i’m coming home ‘:)
May 6th, 2008 at 15:09 pm
Yeah Ms Joseph, I reckon that announcement was rather poorly timed!
… or was it? Hmmmm.
May 6th, 2008 at 16:26 pm
mmmmm?
May 6th, 2008 at 16:28 pm
Just had my first powercut in over 4 years. It lasted 2 minutes but I was already freaking out. The internet stopped working, I thought my life was going to end.
May 6th, 2008 at 16:30 pm
Hehe, addicted what?
May 6th, 2008 at 16:55 pm
me senses some unfinished business and would rather stay wher ther aint no hassles:-).Very funny El. Guard lol. perhaps if the results had been out that myt actually mean something. anonymous has a knack for reading the unspoken. lol. Ms Jo the zeros are confusing even for us, we’ve started cutting the zeros tega. it takes too bloody long to say the trillion, biliion, million and then the bleeding thousands and dollars and cents.
May 6th, 2008 at 17:09 pm
There’s always unfinished business, it’s the nature of the beast, innit? (the heart, anonymous, not me).
I can’t follow it anymore, though. Now we have a 250 MILLION dollar note. Where does it stop? When? Ah, ndazvirega ini.
May 6th, 2008 at 18:14 pm
lol El. im falling off my chair. freaking out….internet stopped working for 2 min…lolest. you’re a funny one.
May 6th, 2008 at 18:19 pm
Re 28a:
i see.
May 6th, 2008 at 18:34 pm
one day hes taking you to HIFA, professing his undying love, next day he is confessing to unfinished with Ms Joseph (consolation; its not him, but his heart)…hanzi moyo muti unomera paunoda
May 6th, 2008 at 18:47 pm
*Jambanja pa hotera*
May 7th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Guys, FFS! Let’s stop behaving like we’re all little innoSaints.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:13 am
Ehe, zvapressa ka.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:37 am
What is the relationship equivalent for the Betty Ford Clinic where all these Little Women seem to scupper off to after being burned by the JB love machine.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:09 am
Erm… people, I do come from there you know.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:10 am
looks like the little women all scupper out of zim after being burned by the love machine plus you know wat they say about the fury of hell and a scorned woman…
May 7th, 2008 at 11:13 am
Okay, seriously. Overkill. Come home baby, come feel the burn of inflation and zeroes!
May 7th, 2008 at 11:24 am
which one?:-/
May 7th, 2008 at 11:25 am
Fuck off, whoever you are
May 7th, 2008 at 11:34 am
Is that the sound of toys being thrown out of the cot I hear in the distant background? No? Oh my mistake, that is the sound of the baby being thrown out with the bath water?
May 7th, 2008 at 11:34 am
You do know that through all this we do love you though, dont you JB.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:38 am
Tryina make a dollar out of fifteen cents. FFS. It reminds me of … me.
May 7th, 2008 at 11:40 am
temper, temper
May 7th, 2008 at 11:57 am
So I went kubhawa last Friday and while I was there, this white Polish woman found out that I was from Zim. I must hasten to point that this bint was totally wasted. So she decides that she must must must speak to me. The first thing out of her slurring inebriated mouth was ‘You and I are the same’. I gave her the mental up and down stare and thought, clearly we are not. The reason for her believing that we are the same is that she sired a sprog with a Nigerian who shortly after marrying her scuppered off to Nigeria (visa and euros in hand probably). I have nothing against white people (a little white lie I conveniently trot out in polite company) but its the unabashed ignorance that gets me. If I had pulled the reverse on her she would have had me strapped in a straitjacket and in a padded cell in the blink of her alcohol-dulled eye.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
You shoulda tried it. You guys might have ended up singing “We Are Family” on tabletops.
May 7th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Ha ha Elle on a table … now that would be a sight!
May 7th, 2008 at 12:38 pm
Elle on a table….now that wouldnt last long
May 7th, 2008 at 16:06 pm
My longevity is more under the table than on top of it.
May 8th, 2008 at 00:08 am
Black, I’m confused. I have just managed to catch your HIFA ‘08 blog as I had no idea there was one. Could you please set the record straight as to where things are with Minnie. You guys together or not. What came of the mission you were working on before you quite skillfully brushed everything under the carpet. Don’t hink I didn’t notice. I was just cutting you some slack. But, now I want answers. What do I want to know? Everything! Did you and minnie sort things out or did you what ever it is that people do when they fail to sort things out?
May 8th, 2008 at 06:30 am
Gala, have you been hitting the ‘erb again?
May 8th, 2008 at 07:19 am
None of your business
May 8th, 2008 at 07:27 am
Okay, that was out of line, I did put my business out there so yeah, I guess I should explain.
She’s one of my closest friends.
May 8th, 2008 at 07:39 am
dude,
Sup mate! hard luck bout the reds, i would have prefered an all RED final, but now we have to play against the millionaire spoiled babies!! frekin Chelski. Anyway JB, how was Hifa? Any nyayas??
May 8th, 2008 at 08:13 am
Thanks Rav dude, we should have won that shit but hey, you know how it goes.
HIFA was awesome, no nyayas but dops and beats bra, sure you saw the photos on Bookface.
May 8th, 2008 at 09:32 am
and we all know how we use ‘closest friends’ wen we don’t want to answer anymore questions.
May 8th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Uh huh. Or when it’s “complicated”
Re 53: When you put your business out there, it becomes OUR business. Somehow you seem to always forget that.
May 8th, 2008 at 14:35 pm
Yeah I know, once the cat’s out of the bag, you can’t put the meowing thing back eh?
So, our weapons are headed to Congo-Brazzaville? Cool.
http://www.news24.com/News24/Africa/Zimbabwe/0,,2-11-1662_2318793,00.html
May 8th, 2008 at 15:13 pm
The problem with the media is that you can never really be sure who to believe, everyone is pursuing their own agenda. Coz if they were to be believed the Angolans were to have offloaded the weapons and they would well be on their way now. Coz Dos Santos is said to have pledged his unwavering support to the great uncle.
May 9th, 2008 at 08:04 am
For those with broadband and like the American tv shows but cant catch them follow this link:
http://www.sidereel.com
its streaming and its full episodes, enjoy.
May 9th, 2008 at 13:39 pm
Black tagged me on his sister site FB. Random photos of the lovley Hifa show goers whose sneps were taken by Black and his roaming foreigner, lighter playing friend. There was no sign saying “please note that you are entering an area with photography, your entry into this area indicates your consent to have your photo posted on facebook, rustybook, facegate and associated websites”.
My lawyers will be in touch. BTW 90% of peeps don’t have your interests at heart that’s why you should keep your shit to yo self.
May 9th, 2008 at 14:13 pm
Bra, you KNOW when the cameras are flashing that the media is for public consumption. LOL. You signed the waiver
I noticed. A hater asked me stupid shit the other day, about Minnie Mouse and all that. *sigh* that’s life I guess.
May 10th, 2008 at 16:44 pm
Hey Joe - new to this but I am dying to know - do you think the public (us lot) have a right to probe the public life of celebrities (you) about personal life (minnie me) considering that they put themselves out in the public anyway. Where does one draw the line from intrusion into onto ones private life and getting general info
May 11th, 2008 at 07:29 am
The way I see it, serenity, is this:- if you SEEK OUT publicity / public life, then you forfeit whatever rights you had to privacy in the first place.
Like, once you go black, you’ll never go back.