We know you’re the Herald Sports Editor, but please Robson, stick to the football we all know you love so well.

Writing awkward, over-elaborate sentences like this makes us wonder if you know what you’re talking about, brother.

But then, to dismiss this tournament as another low-key event on the pregnant calendar of the world’s ultimate game of gentlemen and women, would not only be wrong but a myopic view divorced from the realities on the ground that should be key in guiding opinions.

To try and pretend that all has been well in Zimbabwe Cricket that the arrival of representative teams from India and Sri Lanka should not be cause for celebrations — especially on the home front — would be stretching the imagination too far.

Yes, Tendulkar — who gave the cricketing world a reason to smile with that incredible knock that destroyed Charles Coventry’s highest ODI score by an individual in the world — is not here and that matters for those who enjoy his class and who look to him to provide another knock for the archives.

Wow, there IS such a thing as too much English, Robson.

It reads like a ZJC “composition”. You go boy!

Thank gawd I found Indexed.

Professional athlete caught inserting breeding tentacles into inappropriate mating partners!

Just heard the “reboot” of Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie’s 1985 classic hit, We Are The World.

I feel like ripping off my ears and flushing them down the toilet, and if I never hear another note of music I’ll be happy.

Holy crap it sucks, it really sucks. The original is the highest-selling single in history, so you just KNEW someone was gonna have at it someday.

I just didn’t expect them to get people like LITTLE FUCKING WAYNE to help ruin it.

This is bad. I need therapy. I need help. I need Biggie Smalls.

*open iTunes, select Hypnotize, press play*

Aaaah. Much better.

Dear Tiger

As you take a break from the links to pretend you love your family, I would like to offer my humble thanks for approaching the field of adultery with all the zeal and determination with which you approach the sport of golf.

It takes a special kind of talent, the world-changing, once-in-a-lifetime kind of talent, to sink your penis into 15 skinny white bitches, of whom not one has ever met a camera she wouldn’t whore her shit for. There’s only one word for that, sir – “Wow”.

I know you wish these whores had kept their mouths (unlike their legs) firmly shut, but I want you to know that I am not surprised the white people are coming after you. What, you thought it was gonna last? You thought you’d be the one black man to get away with beating the white man at his own game? Really?

As for the adultery, I’m a grown up, and your whoring it up like a sailor on shore leave is none of my business. What gets me is that you whored it up with skanks who all look like carnival versions of your wife, and that’s just sad, dude.

And you married a model, you stupid fuck.

Anyway, have fun getting back in her bed, and I hope to see you back on the course, turning shit out like only you can, my man.

Sorry I couldn’t get in touch sooner.

Your nigger friend.