Dear Soon To Be Former Cellular Provider

Die.

Die a long, horrible death, preferably engulfed in your own flaming ignorance.

Oh, and stop fucking around giving ‘bonus’ points when the *140# menu to access said bonus points is fucked.

Many thanks

Joe Black

So here I am trying to use *140# on my new Windows 7 Phone, and I’m thinking oh maybe it’s the phone, let’s try the other phone.

Only to find out that NO the *140# thingy doesn’t actually work anymore. So after buying all that credit, $50 to be exact, just to get to the magic number, I can’t even redeem those ‘bonus’ points for ONE FUCKING DOLLAR of airtime so I can make this call?

Not that I can’t go down the corner and get more credit, but it’s a matter of principle at this point. If the faceless morons at Econet would pull their thumbs out their butts and fix this damn system, then this screaming would be pointless. Fuckwits.

It’s very big of you to take out all your frustrations on the poor customer service people.
I tried, but the retards didn’t even pick up.
So you’re having what amounts to a nervous breakdown, and it’s the cellular company’s fault?
Exactly. Fuck me, you’re perceptive.
Yes, I am. And that’s how I know this has nothing to do with 500 points, and everything to do with Jack Bauer.
Come on. I always knew that’s how it would be.
But now he’s actually gone. 24 ended.
It was inevitable, really. Sad, though. That even though we’ve been together for such a long time, it’ll never be …
Permanent.
Nothing is.
As your Inner Child, I’d just like to point out that when we chose roles, MINE was the cynic. Where did this pessimism come from? Besides, it’s not true. There’ll always be Game of Thrones, and Sons of Anarchy.
Yeah? Name one thing, besides this stomach, that’s going to be with me forever.
Me.
Oh God. Kill me now.

As a thirtysomething male, I’ve (allegedly) watched my share of porn. However, over the years one important question has continually arisen; who the fuck are the seemingly tens of thousands of random women who apparently have no problem being photographed with a penis in their mouth?

Porn stars are one thing (they DO get paid for it) but it’s safe to say there is considerably more amateur debauchery out there than anything else, and I simply can’t fathom who these everyday women are that have no problem being photographed / videotaped chewing and screwing!

Considering the sheer number, you’d think I’d have come across at least one of them in my time. Not that I even have a regular desire to have on-screen sex; just the fact that there are countless women who will gladly gargle a load or eagerly be cummed on, all for the benefit of some pervert watching on their computer, is mind-blowing.

Some of the funniest scenes have to be when a girl is blowing a guy, and clearly trying to eyefuck the camera. Let’s think about this for a second – I once read that many women consider oral sex to be even more intimate than fornication, and I can’t say it’s all that surprising.

Is there anything more inherently sexual, graphic and empowering than sticking one’s penis, the source of a man’s greatest pleasure (and semen delivery hose) down a woman’s throat, her vehicle for eating, tasting and communication? By getting head you are literally shutting a girl the up!

Blowjobs are also one of the more unique sexual acts – men can jerk off, and while the act itself is nowhere near the experience of actual coitus, it’s at least something of an approximation. But unless you’re insanely flexible, chances are you can’t suck your own dick.

The sense of authority a guy feels shoving his unit in a girl’s mouth coupled with the feeling of power the female can derive from pleasuring him in a way he can only dream of makes getting head that much more sexually gratifying for both* parties. [*citation needed LOL]

Back to the matter at hand. What makes these women think it’s sexy to eyefuck the camera? Do they think the jerk (off) on the other end will find it hot? Correct me if I’m wrong, but there are few more ridiculous sights than a girl trying to look photogenic while inhaling a penis.

You have a cock in your mouth, sweetie; this really is no time to pose.

This woman has to be the Worst African In The World!

Watched the eighth episode of 24 season 8 last night. And promptly fell asleep. I woke up after a little while, only to find Her, who absolutely LOVES 24, fast asleep.

First of all, I remember you getting stabbed last week, Jack. In the belly. With a knife. Before the Russians took you away.

Now they’re torturing you, suspended by your wrists from a ceiling pipe, feet half-a-metre from the floor. You’re taking electric shocks to your bleeding knife-wound in the belly, and still refusing to talk. Awesome!

Wait a minute, you’ve knocked this guy out with your legs? Holy crap, now you’ve jiggled up and down until the pipe has dislodged and you free yourself? Oh wait, he’s getting up, you rush into action and break his kneck? Goddamn, Jack.

Now you’re up, gun in hand, ducking and diving through a firefight that you INEVITABLY win?

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.

We’re not ten years old, Jack. This stupid shit just doesn’t cut it anymore. Show us a little respect, goddamnit.

I’m so bored. Please stop it, stop it now. Put him out of his misery.

24 is boring.

The Book of Eli. Starring Denzel Washington as a pilgrim walking across a barren post-apocalyptic wasteland of thirst and despair.

In his possession a precious book, the last of its kind, a book sought far and wide by murderous bandits, a book coveted by a power-hungry madman.

The book? A bible! The “walker”? Booooooring. The action sequences? Stilted. The storyline? Formulaic.

And then we find … the book is in braille. All along, Denzel was blind. Blind I say!

It’s I Am Legend without the dog.