Sh** Zimbabweans Say

As Zimbabweans, we tend to talk a lot of shyte; I am one of the culprits. Here are a few things we love to say that piss me off. “Let’s agree to disagree” – It is the classic response of someone who holds views so outrageously nonsensical, that they can’t accept criticism of said views, or…

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Africans Are Stupid

People like things. That is a fact you cannot deny. There is a reason why the now-defunct (thank the gods) News of the World made so much money for that sheep-shagging troglodyte, Rupert Beelzebub Murdoch. We like things so much that bullshit tabloids like H-Metro and B-Metro and Z-Metro and Whateverthefuck-Metro are actually thriving in…

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How To Score An Own Goal

Hello to all our viewers around the world! Welcome to this wonderful Cup Final here at the Giant National Sports Stadium™ in sunny Harare. My name is Musarereka Jenitalia and I will be your commentator for this evening’s match, ably assisted by my match analyst and resident statistical genius, Perekedzai Mboko, how are you doing…

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I don’t care about your baby

I am an asshole. Let’s just stipulate that before we go any further. I wouldn’t want you thinking wow, this is nice, then reading on and realising oh wait, this guy’s an asshole. So lose any misconceptions you may have, because I’m not just an asshole, I’m self-appointed King of all. Now we’re done with that,…

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HIFA 2015 Programme

The programme for the Harare International Festival of the Arts has been released. HIFA 2015 looks a little light on paper, but if work, time and finances are willing, there’s enough guitar shit for me to enjoy. The original programme they’ve posted online is over 30 Mb in size, so I compressed it for those…

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