Blogger Sneaks Back Into Zimbabwe

Keyboard warrior Joseph Ruzvidzo aka Joe Black yesterday sneaked back into the country, after weeks of speculation that he had jumped ship in anticipation of the much-praised bond notes.

By Our Correspondent

Black, an alleged blogger and high-ranking member of some shadowy harshtag groups plaguing the social media, had been critical of the highly-anticipated export incentive, going so far as to call it “fake money”.

Rumours in the nightclubs and bars of Harare claimed Black left the country in the company of his wife to consult with his English backers and lobby for increased funding for the Western-backed regime change agenda.

He was however first spotted at OR Tambo International Airport in the company of media mogul and known counter-revolutionary Trevor Ncube, before being seen rushing through the arrivals area at Harare International where he was whisked off in an unmarked grey sedan.

While Black was not immediately available for comment, a source close to the matter confirmed that indeed Black was now back inside the country.

“Indeed, he is now back inside the country,” revealed the source.

He added: “While nobody knows why his wife did not come back with him, we believe he even abandoned his plotting in the West upon realising the brilliant tactical success that is the release of the bond notes. Maybe she is undergoing training in the use of arms to topple the legitimately elected government.”

Black reportedly spent a month scouring the English countryside seeking funding for the illegal regime change agenda with little success.

He was also secretly filmed paying homage to the British Queen by singing the national anthem alongside 82,000 other loyal subjects, in a secretive ritual called Test Rugby.

Critics say the highly disturbing video proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the British government is sponsoring ordinary Zimbabweans to denigrate the revolutionary party using the social media.

 

The Richest Man in Bobylan

I believe that everyone owns a bag of shit. That old suitcase, or cardbox, which has been steadily collecting random little things over the years.

Mine is a small blue Monarch, tucked conveniently into the top shelf of the wall cupboard in the spare bedroom, between a 2-in-1 and my favourite pink suitcase with white polka-dots (another story). 

In search of an ancient document, She Who Must Be Obeyed was found climbing on a stool and hauling it down (trust me, I’m only support staff here at Castle Black), and I ended up spending two hours sifting through my past.

There is a certain danger in sifting through your past. By choosing to dwell on what has gone before, one can get stuck in nostalgia and forget that the only way is forward. It’s very easy to lose focus; as you touch each memento and are flooded with memories, you cannot but compare that moment in time to this.

Here is a ticket stub from Angelique Kidjo live at HIFA. “I was there at that show and didn’t know you existed,” remarks the wife. “I knew,” retorteth I. “My soul could smell you.”

kidjo
Kidjo – Good entertainer. Bad liar.

There, a debit card from my momentary dalliance with Trust Bank. Of course, that all ended in tears, and that’s one memory too painful to dwell on.

And behold, Ready To Die: Disc One, sitting majestically on an old spindle above Garnet Silk and Adam Sandler; the strangest of bedfellows, but the best combination for a CD shuttle.

And everywhere, tucked “in and amongst” the ancient socks (eww) and the tennis medals (ooh), wound around the chargers and ethernet cables and AAA batteries, folded into the boarding passes and ZESA bills and rent receipts, amidst all this shit from my past, are Zimbabwe Dollar bearer cheques.

I have wads and folds and rolls of the fucking things, so I started chucking them into a little pile next to the black bin-bag, already half-filled with shit like ten-year-old cans of Axe body spray (don’t ask, I don’t know). That’s when it hit me; decades of cartoons and television shows, especially the ones featuring caricature drug dealers, have taught me that when one is surrounded by piles of cash, one simply has one obligation – to count it.

So I decided to count my money. Bearing in mind, my actual, real world, United States Dollar bank account contains Fuckall amount of dollars, you’d think I’d find this perplexing.

Not. One. Bit.

Bearing in mind that there are two classes of Zimbabwean Dollar, the banknotes and the bond paper, I decided to separate my cash. It wasn’t hard, considering that the Moyanas and Tsumbas have the tell-tale glisten of a security strip, the seductive shine of quality paper, the crisp feel of a true banknote.

Gonos have the harsh, no-nonsense feel of an office printout, but they made a significantly larger pile.

And so the counting began.

Before Gideon Gono

DenominationQtyAmount
$14,270
103$30
207$140
1001$100
50010$5,000
1,0009$9,000
A tally of my actual Zimbabwe dollar notes - basically those with anything other than Gono's signature.

 

Zimbabwe dollar bills
Zimbabwe dollar bills

During Gideon Gono

DenominationQtyAmount
$17,603,721,668.00
1, 5, 207$68
1006$600
5006$3,000
1,00023$23,000
5,0009$45,000
10,0006$60,000
20,0002$40,000
100,00046$4,600,000
200,00046$9,200,000
250,0001$250,000
500,00016$8,000,000
750,0002$1,500,000
10,000,00013$130,000,000
25,000,0002$50,000,000
50,000,0008$400,000,000
250,000,0002$500,000,000
500,000,0003$1,500,000,000
5,000,000,0003$15,000,000,000
Out with the bank notes, in with the bearer cheques.

 

bearer cheques
So. Many. Bearer. Cheques.

In total, I have seventeen BILLION, six hundred and three million, seven hundred and thirty-five thousand, nine hundred and thirty-eight Zimbabwe dollars.

Granted, I’ve taken all these notes at face value; bear in mind that many are missing a few zeroes after they got unceremoniously chopped away!

Who cares? I may not have a cent in the world, but at these figures, I feel like the richest man in Bobylan. I’m obviously no Sir Nickwell, neither would I get away with vehicular manslaughter, but I’ll still walk around with my head held high.

Bow down, proles.

ZW$17,603,735,938.00
ZW$17,603,735,938.00

20 Ways In Which Sanctions Have Ruined Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe is in trouble. Fortunately for Zimbabweans, Zimbabwe’s rulers (yes, rulers not governors) through the Zimbabwe Broadcasting Corporation and Zimbabwe Newspapers (1980) Ltd always remind us who exactly is to blame.

This has aroused my own sense of patriotism and national duty, so I shall also contribute to the ever-growing record of things we can blame on the imperialistic machinations of the hegemonic Western powers through their dastardly regime change agenda.

Let me tell you a few things “illegal Western sanctions” have done to Zimbabwe. Let he who has ears to hear, etc.

1. It was sanctions which forced Gideon Gono to raid Foreign Currency Accounts, just nje. And then forced everyone to go “Who, me?” when people were still crying for their cash.

2. Remember that trunk of diamonds confiscated from ACR that disappeared from the Reserve Bank, reportedly taken away by armed police at the behest of Mines Minister Obert Mpofu? Sanctions did that.

3. Harare airport road took 15 years and billions of dollars because of Western sanctions. The company which got the contract without going to tender, Augur Investments, once shared an address with one of Minister Ignatius Chombo’s companies. Sanctions did all that.

4. ALL those people reportedly abducted, tortured and murdered by ZANU-PF, especially victims belonging to the MDC party were because of Western sanctions.

5. Sanctions forced Joice Mujuru, until recently the Vice President of the Republic, to claim 55% disability and receive Z$389 472 from the War Victims’ Compensation Fund.

6. When then-Mayor of Chinhoyi Faber Chidarikire was stopped with a human head in his car? Sanctions.

7. Best was when we voted but didn’t have election results and Thabo Bloody Mbeki said there was no crisis in Zimbabwe. The results were finally announced two months after the vote. TWO MONTHS. Damn you, sanctions.

8. Vice President Phelekezela Mphoko lived in the Rainbow Towers Hotel for 587 days because of these goddamn illegal sanctions. People protested, and got beaten for it by sanctions, obviously.

9. And it was sanctions that made Head of State and Government and Commander in Chief of the Zimbabwe Defence Forces, President Robert Gabriel Mugabe, contest an election “runoff” by himself after MDC quit because ZANU-PF was killing people.

10. In mitigation, sanctions didn’t prevent former Mines and Transport Minister Obert Mpofu from owning much of Victoria Falls and Bulawayo. But I guess it’s sanctions now trying to pull him down.

11. Dr David Parirenyatwa, Zimbabwe’s esteemed Minister of Health took an advance of USD100,000 from the public service medical aid for his private medical practice because of … SANCTIONS.

12. Remember those food riots of January 1998? Yeah, that was all sanctions .

13. Sanctions murdered over 20,000 people of mostly Ndebele origin in Matabeleland and parts of Midlands in the 1980s, in what is generally known as Gukurahundi.

14. It was sanctions that built Gracelands allegedly using the National Housing Fund.

15. Talent Mabika and Tichaona Chiminya were murdered using a petrol bomb, not by one Joseph Mwale of ZANU-PF, oh no, but by Western sanctions.

16. Longcheng Plaza was built on a protected wetland because the illegal sanctions wouldn’t lose jobs “just to protect 23 trees and some frogs” which is just the behaviour you’d expect from sanctions, not the likes of Karikoga Kaseke.

17. Convicted fraudsters like Sir Nickwell and such are looting State funds and become stars and heroes because of illegal sanctions.

18. In the most comical example of Western interference in Zimbabwe’s sovereign affairs, sanctions have instituted a de facto ban on … wait for it … our own national flag.

19. Damn sanctions swallowed the first Land Audit, completely buried the second Land Audit, the Civil Service Audit and various commission reports.

20. Bicyclegate.

See, this is a very short list. There are far more dastardly things that sanctions have done to Zimbabwe, and it would take a whole year of non-stop typing to list them all.

For now let us all, as patriotic and peace-loving Zimbabweans, continue to resist the efforts of those trying to destabilise and lead our beloved nation into ruin.

Pamberi neZimbabwe.

Pasi nevapambepfumi.

Shoko Festival 2016 Diary

Format Video

The Harare International Festival of the Arts was very special to me and mine. Since it was first introduced, I have only missed one edition, and not for lack of trying.

It was the one week in every year when we could forget all our troubles and immerse ourselves in the sights, sounds, food and drink of an international arts festival.

HIFA became so important that friends abroad would schedule it a year in advance, and there’d be excitement and discussions over who the biggest act would be each year. My wife even fled a posting in Zambia once, just to be around for HIFA.

Since the untimely demise of HIFA, Zimbabwe’s arts landscape has appeared rather bleak – it occupied a special place not just in our wallets and leave schedules, but in our hearts.

With such a yawning gap in this year’s calendar of festivities, Shoko Festival has stepped up and is improving with each edition.

Putting aside my own personal and professional relationships with Magamba Network, and donning the more comfortable hat of a music-loving, whisky-swilling delinquent, Shoko is becoming an increasingly exciting feature on the Harare arts landscape.

This is my own little diary of Shoko Festival 2016, held on the 23rd and 24th of September in Harare, at the Museum of Human Sciences and Harare City Library.

There will be some gaps in the timeline – being a judge of the Hub Awards again, I did manage to spend some time at the Hub Unconference held at the Library, but never actually managed to make it to the festival venues anytime before lunchtime, on either day.

I also say “either day” because I didn’t manage to visit Chitungwiza on the Sunday, for obvious reasons involving Jah Prayzah and a well-stocked cooler-box.

Lunch

23 September, 2016

Lunch

So, it begins. After a bit of official government business, I head to the City Library to check in, then over to the Museum for lunch. I bump into Comrade Fatso, who offers to buy me lunch. I agree, obviously, because colonialism reparations. There’s all sorts of youthful things happening in the Brickhill Dome. Schoolkids doing things. Good vibes. Bad lunch. Should have got a shwarma, instead of deep fried chicken and thinly shaved “fries”.

The Hub

23 September, 2016

The Hub

Talks, discussion panels and pitches for the Hub Awards. Lots of interesting stuff, and a few engaging pitches. Picking a winner in each category will be a tough job, with so much talent on show.

House of Hunger Poetry Slam

23 September, 2016

In keeping with the norms and standards expected from a) a festival, and b) a poetry jam, a few of the participants appear to be operating under the influence of certain herbacious and mildly hallucinogenic substances. Hilarious.

Sunset Acoustic

23 September, 2016

Sunset Acoustic

If I wanted to watch a pretty girl dance around in short shorts, I’d have waited til Ammara tomorrow. Expected Tamy to be acoustic guitar music, after what I’d been told, but she had other ideas. A couple of great songs, performance just a bit off. Thank god I’d crashed the cocktail party, so I had somewhere to flee to. Vee Mukarati came after and redeemed the slot like the pro he is.

Comedy

23 September, 2016

Great job all round, with a sterling performance from Zambezi News in particular. Were I a rapper, I’d never wanna get on their bad side. Mandla seemed to wanna be like Clive Chigubu, though.

Tehn Diamond

23 September, 2016

Tehn Diamond

Came on at the perfect time, that kismetic conflunce of cooler-boxes, and killed it. As expected. Obviously.

AKA

23 September, 2016

AKA

Social media will tell you that AKA is a this, a that, a who and a what. Maybe he is, I don’t know the guy. If you pay attention to South African Twitter, you’ll think he’s the national clown. This performance, however, made me realise that the guy is actually famous for a reason. He’s good at his job. I was entertained, which is pretty fucking difficult.

Winky D

24 September, 2016

Winky D

Ninja President. Gaffa. Dancehall Igwe. Godfather of ZimDancehall. Legend in our lifetime.

Hub Awards

24 September, 2016

Hub Awards

Meeting with fellow judges Vivienne Marara and Caroline O’Donovan. Already the dumbest person in the squad, but tried to make intelligent-sounding noises. Vibrant discussion, results seem legit, then off to Old Georgians for the rugby.

Bryan K

24 September, 2016

Bryan K

Bryan Kadengu is a special talent, and although I was a little wobbly after the previous night’s activities, and a few silly doubles at OGs, I enjoyed his set while I fought with the World’s Toughest Pork Chop (don’t ask).

Comedy

24 September, 2016

Donovan Goliath is actually pretty fucking brilliant. Had never seen him perform before, and I was pretty damn impressed. Some jokes were low-hanging fruit for us drunkards. I, personally, was so wobbly I had to sit in a chair. Ugh. I’m such an amateur.

Jah Prayzah

24 September, 2016

Jah Prayzah

Jah Prayzah, the man of the moment. No longer as wobbly, after an hour in a chair, I was dancing and marching along to every song. Everything was on point, the band, the outfits, the vocals, the … vibe. I wish him all the money on Earth!

Ammara Brown

24 September, 2016

As if my black Nikes weren’t already brown enough (ha!), I then had to dance the kongonya. There also may, or may not, have been a couple of Mukoko High Kicks. Thank lawd for knee-braces.

Brilliant times. Long live Shoko Festival, and thanks to everyone involved in making it happen.

Forever.

The Drum Circle of Life

Fanonites and Fanon-lites,
Making Fanon sounds for foreign Likes,

Baby Bantus and Mini Malcom Exes,
Portly public figures expanding off excesses,

Social-media socialists and supper club socialites,
Spouting Sankarra, sharing Shakur,
Pretending to care for the poor.

Jet-lagging hangovers in another Insta-location,
Collecting per diems as an actual vocation.

Workshop warriors in air-cooled land boats,
Donating just enough for local hope to stay afloat,

Holding pot lucks to save the African wild,
Yet saving no fucks for the African child,

The Fun Day fundraisers, the comic relievers,
Charity concertgoers applauding opera divas,

The virgin Madonnas and Angels who fell into pitts,
Picking pickanins piecemeal using African baby starter kits,

Never mind,

The real target of this entire intervention,
Is how to get with that cute Swedish volunteer?

Lean in, smile, don’t forget to mention,
This Is Africa, laugh, and buy another local beer,
Job done.

Captain’s Log: September 2016

Day 366 of year 37, 3rd rock from the sun, Milky Way Galaxy

Captain Broken Jaw, Slapaho Tribe, of the Imperial Metaship Fuckaduck, 2 September 2016, Earth Time.

Chosen mate has proven suitable, and a highly capable companion. The result has been a quite pleasant relationship experience which may prove crucial in keeping me balanced and steady on my mission. Will maintain.

There are few signs of intelligent life, and what sentient beings I have discovered appear to thrive in a constant state of conflict. Whether within their own limited psyches, or with the world around them, they appear to always be at war.

Leadership systems among these limited beings are mostly primitive, and it is often the strongest of the tribe who leads. Such primitive societies are therefore ruled rather than governed, giving natives the chance to engage in their most favourite pastime – conflict.

Due to dwindling resources, and the aforementioned low mental capacity of this planet’s inhabitants, an emergency evacuation may be required. Given their propensity for tribal conflict, this could be soon. If not, their dependence on fossil fuels will deteriorate the environment and atmosphere to an uninhabitable shell, much like our home planet.

There is also a worrying trend towards religious strife, another indicator of the low levels of intelligence obtaining among this planet’s inhabitants. Though the planetary archives show that this is nothing new, my vast experience tells me that it is coming to a head.

Nevertheless, Earth is not completely doomed. I shall continue my mission to document and study useful species, and assimilate into the local populace.

ENDS

Flag Party Supporters Twar at Public Meeting

Wednesday, 24 April, 2019. HARARE – Mild chaos nearly broke out in Harare yesterday, at a public hearing on the Cyber-Chimurenga War Credentials Bill, when suspected Flag Party supporters sub-tweeted participants critical of the proposed law.

The law seeks to regulate the minimum qualifications for the appointment of Cabinet ministers and induction into the civil service, through the amendment of the Public Service Act.

But a public hearing to gather the views of people from all walks of life in Harare was reduced to a political rally, where speaker after speaker brandished national flags while chanting slogans before making contributions to the bill.

Two suspected opposition ZANU supporters who attempted to contribute, were heckled online  by rowdy activists believed to be aligned to FP’s shadowy splinter group Tajamukirana, as the committee chair Jersey May-Jones watched helplessly, sipping delicious tea.

The contentious bill seeks to scrap the existing minimum requirements for appointment to Cabinet and replace them with new benchmarks. Any potential minister would now be required to have at least one selfie, at night, in Africa Unity Square, a strict requirement which may stymie the ambitions of many a party cadre.

Potential appointees to the posts of Permanent Secretary must possess one Facebook or YouTube video denouncing the previous regime, while carrying the national flag, and two protest selfies. Principal directors must possess a selfie inside court, while their deputies only require a selfie outside, preferably praying. The minimum requirement for entry into civil service has been changed from 5 O-Levels to 5 #ThisFlag tweets.

The Bill has largely been rejected throughout the country, but FP yesterday reportedly Ubered in rowdy youths, some visibly drunk, to support the law.

“We want our new President Zvogwadza to be given more power to ensure that the right kind of people, those who supported the cyber-struggle against tyranny, are in positions of power,” said one Ngoda, attracting wild applause from the crowd gathered at a local sushi bar.

In a first for Southern Africa, the hearing also took Skype Video submissions from the diaspora, with one patriotic lady, flanked by her sleepy-looking husband, speaking of how she was disappointed by certain people after working so hard for the cyber-revolutionary movement.

“I worked so hard for this movement, you know. I watched all the videos and prayed for the founder, only to be disappointed,” she told the sympathetic gathering.

When one dissenter rose to make a contribution, some rowdy youths turned on him, taking away his bottle of Skyy vodka and replacing it with Smirnoff.

The contentious bill has seen the Flag Party deploy some party heavyweights to defend it. Only last week, Attorney General Happiness Helele courted controversy when she spoke out in support of the bill, leading to calls that she was participating in active politics.

“Surely, we have a moral obligation to let the public know who was with them and who had a change of heart, given that so many made themselves vulnerable for the cause,” she told a tiny local blogger.

Political commissar and Minister of Information, Alley Knocker, has also been vocal about noting those who stood by and did nothing while the revolution was being conducted. He, however, begged FP members to focus on the goal and not be divided.

“Focus,” the Minister repeatedly told CNN in an interview with political pundit and former reverend Evans Mampara, on a recent trip to Dallas. “Focus!”

The controversial bill threatens an already fractured relationship with Zimbabwe’s Western funders, with new President Stain Zvogwadza already implicated in a violent crackdown on the traditional press in favour of digital outlets.

The recent disappearance of print editors Rememberance Forward and Jaw Break, both of the independent Jou Ma daily, has prompted protests in Harare’s Africa Unity Square prominently featuring their children, including a social soccer match. The match attracted scathing criticism from former media lecturer now hair model, Badluck Jonathan.

“These so-called paragorns of journalistic virtue have enough children to make two soccer teams, they planted more trees than the Forestry Commission! No wonder they ran away!” he recently tweeted.

Vice President Arex Miller has also courted the ire of the West, after blasting UNICEF and telling the Country Director to either shape up or ship out, which earned him stern condemnation from newly-appointed US Ambassador Mr Clever Newbie.


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Message of Solidarity to the Zimbabwe Cricket Team

On the occasion of the Second One Day International against India.

We, the residents of Castle Black, are in Solidarity with the Players and Staff of the Zimbabwe national cricket team currently engaged in battle with India.

We are concerned citizens who have always held sports in general, and cricket in particular, close to our hearts. We have held faith with our national sporting teams through constant and disheartening loss, and we will not lose faith now.

We realise that the recent upheavals in the team and management, however shoddy and poorly planned, have ushered in a new status quo and the only way to move is forward. The only option we have as supporters is to throw our weight behind our new team and coaching staff, as the only other choice is to fail.

As Zimbabwean sports fans, we know the pain of constant loss, but we have never lost heart, because though we have often lost, we have never failed. Indeed, the recent qualification of our football team for the Africa Cup of Nations after many years in the wilderness shows the value of sustained effort, of never giving up no matter what the odds.

As we type this, the national Rugby Sevens team are on their way to Monaco, with the unlikely dream of qualification for the Rio Olympic Games still burning bright in their hearts. It is this spirit which we, as Zimbabweans, hold within – hope against hope, dreaming against all reason, and fighting on even under threat of failure.

Losing a cricket match is not failure, even if that loss is to an Indian cricket side with a combined age of fifteen and barely a cap among them.

Losing the first match under a new coach is not failure, even if that loss is by nine wickets with a paltry high score of 41.

Failure is giving up, and making no effort either with bat, ball or in the field. Failure is not trying to win, even when winning seems impossible or out of reach.

We at Castle Black cannot permit our team to wallow in failure, as we believe that with time and effort, we can return to being competitive on the international stage. Indeed, we may lose to India, but with hard work both on the field and in the gym, we can pressure what appears a hapless Sri Lanka, and can certainly take a game or two off New Zealand.

We hereby pledge to stand with Zimbabwe, whether in person or via the television, depending on work commitments. Our only expectation is that the team shows the same faith in us as we show with them, and gives their all for the “cowntry”.

Pamberi neZimbabwe! A luta continua!

Signed,

Black, Joe, Mister.
Black, Izzy, Missus.
Lord Voldemort, Cat.

Hell is other people, and Facebook is its waiting room

So there are politics of Facebook friendship. Any activity is a potential minefield, be it posting a photo, a status update or (God forbid) changing relationship status.

There are adults with children and families and (for a few) jobs who actually catch real and serious feelings over nonsense that happens on a social networking website.

I’m not speaking of the adults who complain about “spoilers” just because they haven’t watched the latest Game Of Thrones episode, yet log on to social media websites to complain about other adults who are almost guaranteed to be freely discussing the latest Game Of Thrones episode.

Honestly, how can someone expect their own problems to be the rest of the planet’s, where just because you haven’t watched a worldwide televised event, you still feel entitled to press Sign In on a twitter account and expect nobody at all to be discussing said worldwide televised event?

I don’t understand – if my own lack of hustle (or instructions from She Who Must Be Obeyed) prevent me from watching Game Of Thrones on time, I log on to my Twitter or Facebook app knowing that other adults may freely be talking about it. Spoilers? You’re spoiling yourself, mate. Grow up.

Oh yes, growing up.

“ABC is friends with DEF, GHI ignored my friend request, JKL unfriended me, PQR swore at me in a comment on MNO’s status update about News Story C.”

I’m not talking about 15 year olds at Heritage School whispering at break time, I’m talking about actual grown-up, old-ass mens and womens. Actual grown-up mens and womens sore about Friend Requests, who gets to administer a Group, a deleted comment, or another adult’s new Friend.

Adults with kids can be pettier than the kids themselves, and I find that hilarious. Wanna know the best part? I can be as petty as the rest of them.

In hell, all interaction with demons, LeBron (that’s the devil’s first name), fellow tormentees and wait-staff will be done via Facebook status updates, because that is actually a form of torture.

(And yes, of course there are wait-staff in hell – who do you think dishes out all the side-eyes and spits in your food?)

Because let’s not forget, we all have choices throughout our social media interactions. I am free to unfollow, unfriend or block you on Facebook. I can very easily mute, unfollow or block you on Twitter.

For the life of me, I can’t remember how the fuck LinkedIn works, but yeah, that too.

Logging on to a social website or app is a voluntary act – please, let’s not make other adults responsible for our own usage of said app.

As I speak, there are cliques forming in a certain section of Facebook because a certain admin unfriended someone who thinks they’re too important to be treated thus so now they’re angling to take over admin of the group and now I feel like slitting my wrists just typing out such childish shit.

Anyway, if you find yourself being troubled by what you read in a rugby group or family or school group, or if someone is annoying or trolling you, do something about it. Life is too short to be aggravated.

The power is yours.

I created a monster

In case you’ve been under a rock, I created a digital magazine called NBO.

NBO stands for None But Ourselves (can free our minds). It is a fledgling digital magazine, built on the principle of free, honest & robust media for all. Based in Zimbabwe, the aim is to give a voice to views shut out of mainstream media whilst providing engaging and entertaining content.

I always moan about Zimbabwe’s mainstream media, and the stories they cover. Followers of mytwitter feed know how I violently rail against our newspapers and how stories are presented.

I especially take offence at stories in the State-owned media, and have been known to swear at government “propagandists” on occasion.

In late 2014, I spoke to a few young journalism students and advised them that nowadays, you can build your own media entities with a few short clicks. Nobody needs to make coffee for three years in a major newsroom, waiting to get assigned a story because there’s nobody more senior available.

I have decided to take my own advice. There is no value in whining about the media we have, if we are not willing to create the media we want. The only solution is for me to actually create the type of content I want to consume, instead of complaining all the time about what is available.

This project is going to be my major focus for a while, and I probably will not have time to blog for the near to mid term future. NBO is going to bleed me of all my time and energy, and I’ll make every effort to ensure that it is worthwhile.

Read it here, or download the 79 Mb PDF of the launch issue.

https://issuu.com/joeblack63/docs/nbo-magazine-q1-2016