Forrest Gump had it wrong

Jimmy Choos - new, studded, costlyLife really isn’t like a box of chocolates at all. It’s more like a pair of shoes.

You spend the first part of your life sitting on display on a shelf, waiting for the constant parade of suitors to try you out for size. Most of whom will reject you after a brief twirl and a flutter. And then the cycle of rejection starts all over again.

Finally an enamoured paramour sweeps in to rescue you from a life of bargain bins and continuous knockoffs and invests in you as ‘a worthy purchase’. After that, it’s downhill all the way as they proceed to wear you down.

Leading to the ultimate rejection when after many years of battered and bruised loyal service, they trade you in for a newer, shinier, trendier version of what you used to be.

Even Jimmy Choo has a sell and wear-by date.

Published byEleanor

Tired of all the nonsense. When will the madness end.

33 Comments

  • dhlaks

    13 May, 2008 at 14:17 pm

    someone is having a bad day

  • Joe Black

    13 May, 2008 at 14:20 pm

    Someone ‘Choo’ you up and spit you out, Elle? Lol.

  • Galadriel

    13 May, 2008 at 16:19 pm

    Elle, you missed the part where ninety percent of those who give you a second looking turn away as soon as they see how much you’re worth.

    JB, I would like to know what this ‘perfect present’ was, who it was from, and what it was for. My mind is racing and I need you to put me out of my misery. Right now, you wouldn’t want to know what have so far with regard to those three questions. Actually, just the two. For the second question all I have is that the giver was female. Er go (in my trail of thought) for the first present, the giver was the pressy. For what? So far, I got nothing. But, that can all change.

  • Joe Black

    14 May, 2008 at 14:28 pm

    Geez Gala, let it go.

  • Galadriel

    14 May, 2008 at 14:54 pm

    Fine. But YOU put it out there.

  • Tino

    14 May, 2008 at 15:33 pm

    Sister it sounds like you had a romantic problem there. Don’t worry about it there are A LOT of men about!

    Joseph watiza nyaya again?

  • Eleanor

    14 May, 2008 at 16:03 pm

    I have decided that I am too old for casual encounters. I no longer have the youthful insouciance of my halcyon heyday. Anything that smacks of hard work is definitely off my books.

  • Anonymous

    14 May, 2008 at 16:37 pm

    thats the sound of thee-O kncoking on your door. even JB was talkin about settling down and abandoning the important “ten thingz to look for in a woman”….or should that be women in his case

  • The Squire

    14 May, 2008 at 16:43 pm

    nice shoes

  • Joe Black

    14 May, 2008 at 16:51 pm

    Hmm, I see the Idiot Machine is rumbling on 🙂

    Nothing to be ashamed, Elle. Tino, she has a right to feel bad about what she’s lost, but I agree, takawanda.

    Squire, what odds Sharks in the semis come Sunday? I reckon Crusaders, Tahs, Stormers and Canes!

  • Galadriel

    14 May, 2008 at 17:03 pm

    Maybe the “ten thingz to look for in a woman” just needs some slight (or not so slight depending on how serious one is about growing up) modifications. ‘Cause scrapping it would just be too drastic.

  • Eleanor

    14 May, 2008 at 19:42 pm

    So, the game is on again. ZEC has extended by 90 days the deadline for the run off. What’s to bet that that 90 days will be multiplied 7 times to make it an even 360. Full circle.

  • Galadriel

    14 May, 2008 at 19:53 pm

    90 days X 7 times = 360

    Either you are a genius, or an idiot, Eleanor.

  • Galadriel

    14 May, 2008 at 19:54 pm

    LOi

  • Ms Joseph

    14 May, 2008 at 20:20 pm

    Gala’s just graduated from math!! Heeeey!! LOL. This thing’s going to last forever…

    Hanzi na-JB “takawanda”… women like to shop for shoes too lol – it’s not the quantity really, it’s the quality… ain’t it?

  • MacDonald

    14 May, 2008 at 23:55 pm

    I agree totally with the above sentiments. When I first read the post, I thought that Joe had finally found the on switch for his feelings but on further inspection I find a feminine touch behind these truisms.

    I hate being the one to try on and be tried by a number of suitors and the huge ups and downs that come with. Here is to maintaining my lofty perch on the shelf and watching from a distance till the person who fits best walks through the door…

  • Eleanor

    15 May, 2008 at 00:40 am

    MacD, lofty perches are only for the young, the wealthy or the well-endowed. Like being a pair of Bata ma Tommy surrounded by Manolo Blahniks. Inferior, but a darn good fit, comfortable and overlooked. But one day, someone who ‘gets’ you will get you. Especially if you just happen to be on sale.

    Gala, I wear my my O Level maths ‘B’ with pride. On a good day, I can even use a calculator and work out some simple fractions.

  • Joe Black

    15 May, 2008 at 07:13 am

    “All we can do-o / Is sit and wa-it”.

    Please, sitting and waiting is not gonna get you anywhere. Want to be that creepy old man / lady (every neighbourhood has one) who has never been married, feeds all the cats and frightens the children?

    You have to work the field my friends, get the occasional emotional injuries, the highs and the lows. This is ain’t a fucking Meg Ryan movie, and there’s no Weinbrenner in shining leather coming to sweep you off your … okay, took the shoe analogy too far there.

    You know what I mean.

  • dhlaks

    15 May, 2008 at 11:46 am

    i guess what JB is trying to say so eloquently is that take what life gives you and be happy with it…

    Prince charming does not exist, Mr right is a fairy tale there is only mr right now.

  • B....

    15 May, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    and if all else fails…you can always try the arranged route 🙂

  • Joe Black

    15 May, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    B, is that how YOU’re going? What’s the matter, can’t get the right boy?

  • B....

    15 May, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    Things are tight in Zim in more ways than one can imagine 🙂 – That is infact the route im taking…its to say the least…interesting…

  • Joe Black

    15 May, 2008 at 12:50 pm

    I wish you the best baby girl … at least your mom can filter out the uglies!

  • B....

    15 May, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    thanks, will keep you posted

  • Eleanor

    15 May, 2008 at 16:37 pm

    arranged nyayas ndizvo. If it all goes pear shaped, it’s not your lack of discernment or judgement that is called into question and it takes out a lot of the stress and hassle of trying to nail someone down to a commitment of sorts.

  • dhlaks

    16 May, 2008 at 11:17 am

    hmmm el who are you trying to nail down 😈

  • Eleanor

    16 May, 2008 at 11:37 am

    Dhlaks dont give me that, I am not the big bad wolf. Arranged nyayas are a wonderful way of managing expectations. If you come in expecting nothing, you might actually be pleasantly surprised. I think that is the problem with a lot of our relationships, we have been fed too much drivel about what relationships should be that our expectations of them are totally unrealistic. Too many Mills and Boon and all those romantic films have got us thinking that what happens on those pages or on the silver screen is real. Like Chris Dombo said ‘single and lonely or married and bored’

  • B....

    16 May, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    I totally agree with you Eleanor, the expectations that those frigin fairy tales set us up for were totally unrealistic, along with alot of the other jargon we were fed, no such thing as a handsome prince who whisk you away into the sunset on a white stallion. There are two sides to the arranged thing though, on the one hand as you said, you can go in expecting nothing and being pleasantly surprised, on the other hand, the other person might be there under pressure and can mess you around just to keep mommy and daddy happy…

  • Joe Black

    16 May, 2008 at 14:36 pm

    June 27 for the runoff, woo-hoo!

  • Eleanor

    16 May, 2008 at 14:51 pm

    re:29. Ovarian sister please! The messing you around has nothing to do with being in an arranged situ or not, men do that anyway. It’s just a more convenient excuse.

    As for the runoff, at the rate ya’ll are going, inflation will be like 600 000% and you will have a 10bn dollar note. And the hallowed leader of the opposition might still be holed up in a foreign country somewhere, campaigning by remote control.

  • Joe Black

    16 May, 2008 at 14:55 pm

    We already have a 10 billion dollar note. And a 50b too.

  • Joe Black

    16 May, 2008 at 15:07 pm