It’s too late to apologise

OKay sorry, I really couldn't help it. Lol!

I admit, I should have known better. You warned me this would get complicated, and I thought it was all good. I was all cavalier bravado and macho cliché. Now, for the first time, I realise just how complicated it is.

Because baby, I’m in trouble. With the thought of you, the smell of you; the touch of your skin, the taste of your breath, that last hint of perfume and the hair that smells like warm bread on a Sunday morning.

I’m in trouble because of the way we connected, the way we laughed, the way we ate, the way we watched bad television on your (frankly uncomfortable) couch. Because one Idol moment with you is better than all the wild nights of cheap booze and loose women swirling together in a blur of decadence and digi-cam flashes.

Because I’m a grown-ass man, and I’m getting tired of all the usual. Because I’m past all the bachelor rubbish, and it’s not that I’m starting to need less – it’s that I’m yearning for more.

Like a kind heart, a beautiful mind and a warm body. Yours, on all three counts.

Because even though we can’t be together, I long for your company, your voice, and your touch. Because I’d trade even a month of lonely nights just for one awkward morning.

Because this is a love letter – and I’m not sorry I wrote it.

Goodbye my lover, and I hope you’re happy (with yourself, more than anyone else).

80 Comments

  • mrs balls

    20 April, 2008 at 13:49 pm

    ‘Someone please call nine one one?’

    These are strong words brother. Kind heart, beautiful mind and warm body. Very nicely put. I envy the object of your affections, and hope she sees sense.

    Of course your post may mean she already has?

  • Joe Black

    20 April, 2008 at 17:00 pm

    911, exactly the reference, spotter’s badge to you.

    I guess she has seen sense. But who says only women bleed?

  • Anonymous

    20 April, 2008 at 19:29 pm

    if u in luv u hv to fight for it

  • Anonymous

    20 April, 2008 at 19:37 pm

    why cant you be together?

  • Anonymous

    20 April, 2008 at 19:48 pm

    “But who says only women bleed?”
    sounds like youve flipped the script and its YOUR ‘time of the month’

  • Vimbai

    20 April, 2008 at 19:48 pm

    Sounds like a very bittersweet state of affairs hun! Unfortunately, we can’t pick the ones we love…but we can make a choice about what we want to do about it…

  • Joe Black

    20 April, 2008 at 20:18 pm

    Hmmm a ‘spurt’ of comments (lol).

    There’s are times when you just have to let it go, before you start to act the fool and lose all self-esteem.

    File it under shit happens?

  • ed lover

    20 April, 2008 at 20:23 pm

    Don`t be a sissy!!

  • Joe Black

    20 April, 2008 at 21:36 pm

    A sissy, my young friend, is a man who refuses to acknowledge his feelings. Only I’d use a pu- instead of a si- if u know wot I mean.

  • Eleanor

    21 April, 2008 at 03:43 am

    Begging is the new black, don’t you know! Jokes aside, its a fine line between fighting to save a relationship and begging, and that is not a good look. Granted in every relationship there is someone who is loved and another who allows themselves to be loved, you dont want the scales so seriously tipped against you. So I am with you on this one, JB.

    ‘I hope you are happy, with yourself more than anyone else’. There is an underlying tone of bitterness I dont quite understand there. Was it one of those ‘It’s not you, its me’ scenarios?

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 07:02 am

    Oh no, no bitterness. Disappointment, really. And no, it wasn’t a trademark break-up, as there was nothing concrete to break …

    … except hearts. (da-da-DUMMMM)

  • Anonymous

    21 April, 2008 at 07:23 am

    you dnt seem to be takin this very seriously jo

  • Mrs Balls

    21 April, 2008 at 07:40 am

    re: 11, is that soap opera music lol?

    Methinks he laughs just to keep from crying.

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 07:52 am

    Speaking of shoddy writing at the Herald, check this out:
    http://www.herald.co.zw/inside.aspx?sectid=33422&cat=3

    I have to find the humour in even the shoddiest of moments, that’s what makes me who I am. And yeah MB, to keep from crying LOL.

    Anyway, c’est la vie.

  • Eleanor

    21 April, 2008 at 09:30 am

    So I read that MT has decided to set up shop in Botswana because he fears being killed. Now that angers me on so many levels. So its okay for his foot soldiers to get killed but he must be busy swanning it around on his ‘diplomatic’ drive, living it up in the capitals of the world. This is the time when he should be on the ground rounding up the troops, trying to negate all the government propaganda. So what if he does die, he is hardly irreplaceable. Its like the great uncle thinking that there will be no musangano without him. Ego and hubris, a heady mix I tell you.

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 09:45 am

    “So what if he does die”? For a highly intelligent lady, you sometimes say some dumb shit, my sister 🙂

  • Mushaz

    21 April, 2008 at 09:49 am

    oh snap!

    Mfana Jose it is good to see a sensitive side coming out. I am sure this lady will come to her tru senses one day. Power!

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 09:55 am

    One day … I guess. *sigh* think I’ll go home, at least I have POWER there. (I hope)

  • Eleanor

    21 April, 2008 at 10:28 am

    Look at Benazir Bhutto, she died, the movement didnt stop for it. In fact, it can be said it gained momentum for it. Nothing like a martyr to advance a cause.

  • Vimbai

    21 April, 2008 at 10:32 am

    Ouch…i just read that Herald article you linked to! it reads like a Grade 5’s book report, journalism my bum!

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 10:46 am
  • Tino

    21 April, 2008 at 10:51 am

    Guys? This man decided to bare his soul very expressively and all you can talk about is politics as usual??? Where is the tender looving care? He is obviously craving sympathy and attention.

    Poor baby!

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 11:02 am

    Yeah …

  • Galadriel

    21 April, 2008 at 11:22 am

    1) So the neighbouring countries are doing a US on Zim’s Ass. Guarding their boundaries from the pending illegal aliens. I bet people were thinking that they were getting all geared up to support someone. Nah, they seen what happens when civil war breaks out. They dont want none of that. They are broke enough as it is. The Gods help us.

    2) JB, please, don’t let me hear you talking like this ever again unless it is about Liverpool. Now, if you will excuse me, I think I am going to throw up.

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 12:22 pm

    Gala you idiot 🙂

    Re: 1, as Karl Marx said, history tends to repeat itself. The first time as tragedy, and the second time as farce. Apply at will.

    2, my friend, are you shocked kuti I can actually feel? I’m as alive as anyone, maybe the difference with me is I live and die for all to see.

    I decided long ago that this blog was a public outlet for very private issues. How can I now censor myself? The good with the bad, my friend.

  • The Squire

    21 April, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    have a drink!

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 13:04 pm

    Oh yeah Squire, with Chelsea coming to Anfield tomorrow, I’m sure drinks shall be had.

  • Galadriel

    21 April, 2008 at 13:19 pm

    RE 25: What does that even mean? 🙁

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 14:18 pm

    “Now, if you will excuse me, I think I am going to throw up”

    For that, thou art idiot 🙂

  • Anonymous

    21 April, 2008 at 14:24 pm

    “there was nothing concrete to break …” asi you still have commitment issues?

  • Galadriel

    21 April, 2008 at 15:01 pm

    Oh and JB, I gather you hated my South Park impression of you. Mean’t no offence. Just so easy to get it wrong when you trying to be creative.

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 15:07 pm

    No, commitment wasn’t the issue. In fact, I won’t explain that statement in a public forum. Bad form, you know.

    Gala is that what you were doing? It’s not that I wasn’t impressed, it’s just that a photo of me should be a photo of, well, me? 🙂

    Thanks though

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 15:21 pm

    As a distraction from my woman troubles:
    http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/Politics/0,,2-7-12_2309712,00.html

    Hum the smurf song. Might as well.

  • Galadriel

    21 April, 2008 at 16:29 pm

    See JB, first you say the blog is for you to vent and hold nought back 25, then you go and make the comment in 32. Which is it?

  • Galadriel

    21 April, 2008 at 16:31 pm

    Shit, inspite of comment 24, I totally forgot that Zimbabwe was (or not) in crisis. Where we at?

  • Joe Black

    21 April, 2008 at 16:45 pm

    Don’t be so narrow Gala, obviously there’s some shit I’m not gonna talk about. It’s not just my life I’m talking about here.

    What, did the common sense go out with the bathwater today?

    (lol I tease you in jest, dear)

  • Anonymous

    22 April, 2008 at 07:22 am

    so hw did minnie mouse react to yr outporing of emotion?

  • yigga

    22 April, 2008 at 09:57 am

    dude, you need tissue:

    “Because baby, I’m in trouble. With the thought of you, the smell of you; the touch of your skin, the taste of your breath, that last hint of perfume and the hair that smells like warm bread on a Sunday morning”

    soccer at keg and white this eve and you can tell me all about it!!

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 10:44 am

    Lol yigga, I don’t need tissues for my issues 🙂 Besides this counts as telling you (and the world) about it.

    Soccer will be at the Scud & Nanny, cos my car is back in the shop and will be lucky to get it out even tomorrow, apparently.

    Go Liverpool.

  • Galadriel

    22 April, 2008 at 10:48 am

    I hear Chelsea will be kicking Liverpudlian ass.

  • Anonymous

    22 April, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    men!! in the midst of an emotional out pouring they discuss soccer and politics!! i’m almost tempted to ask whether that was real or just words, because men are pretty sleek with those…. 🙂

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 12:22 pm

    Hey, I am genuine and sincere. But the world can’t stop because you’re going through some shit, can it?

  • Minnie Mouse

    22 April, 2008 at 13:02 pm

    im touched you braved my ‘uncomfortable’ couch and ‘bad television’. wow joseph wat’s minnie supposed to say to words like that..except that yes, it was obvious there were and are complications and issues to be dealt with. unfortunately sometimes things escalate beyond your control… im sori, ….just dont know wat to say. i just never imagined i’d be discussing this on a ‘public forum’ ……

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 13:43 pm

    Aw Minnie, you didn’t have to 🙂 And you know I was kidding about the couch and the bad telly (although Lost, I must say, is shocking).

    Good times, good times.

  • Galadriel

    22 April, 2008 at 13:50 pm

    Lost does suck on so many levels.

    AND: How AWKWARD!!! Jesus.

  • Tino

    22 April, 2008 at 13:53 pm

    I think this is all contrived drama. Come clean with your Mickey and Minnie Mouse act. Puh-lease.

    Although if its true …

    … BEYOND awkward. Joe, back to politics!

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 13:54 pm

    Hey come on guys, give the girl a break. She’s new to this. Although yeah, we are kinda washing our dirty drawers on the communal line, wot?

    Would you rather we didn’t? Then what would you do with yourselves at lunch-time?

  • Anonymous

    22 April, 2008 at 13:56 pm

    he wont miss your uncomfortable couch, but he will miss your black ass

  • Galadriel

    22 April, 2008 at 14:19 pm

    Hey, I am all for people hanging their dirty laundry out in public. However, not so used to having both parties in the same space and time responding to each other. I like people paraphrasing and using poetic license. In this case, the story has probably come to a grinding halt, which may be more ethical, but not as much fun.

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 16:16 pm

    I’ll miss both, the couch and the … anyway. Liverpool 5 – 0 Chelsea.

    Any takers?

  • Tino

    22 April, 2008 at 16:27 pm

    Mavekutiza nyaya apa. So do tell us Minnie Mouse – the heart was poured out, bold words were said blahblah. How is your love story going now?

    Happy endings?

  • Mrs Balls

    22 April, 2008 at 16:45 pm

    Is this how far the story has come? Wow.

    So – no pressure Minnie Mouse. What are the results?

  • Anonymous

    22 April, 2008 at 16:47 pm

    dont be like ZEC

  • Minnie Mouse

    22 April, 2008 at 16:59 pm

    Joseph look wat you started. no pressure huh? if you in the same country as some of us i’m sure you’re used to not having results out wen you expect them because of behind the scenes activities and politburo meetings! and i thot by flipping the other side of the coin- because this public saga was seriously one-sided and because it sounded like Joe was enjoying the bleeding attention- i thot if i said something i’d at least curb the speculation, instead i seem to have fired it up.

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 17:32 pm

    ZEC! Lol.

    But Minnie’s right … this is by no means a one-sided affair, and I am in no way some wronged, victimised paragon of virtue. Of course I’ve committed my fair share of sins here, and fully deserve any resulting pain and issues.

    Yes, there are behind the scenes activites and negotiated settlements, so wait for the re-run and you’ll get the final results 🙂

  • Mushaz

    22 April, 2008 at 17:36 pm

    And so the truth rears it’s ugly head as always. Mfana Jose, what did you do to this poor young lady, hmmmm? Did I not teach you betta. Confess. You are withholding these results!

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 17:38 pm

    Oh Minnie Mouse, the victim card – well played. It’s all on me now?

  • Anonymous

    22 April, 2008 at 17:41 pm

    so its “too late to apologise” yet “there are behind the scenes activites and negotiated settlements”

    are you begging nigga?

  • Mrs Balls

    22 April, 2008 at 17:53 pm

    “Its okay to lose you pride over someone you love but dont lose someone you love over your pride.”

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 17:58 pm

    Hmmmmm … not begging. But no comment. Wait for the results 🙂

  • Galadriel

    22 April, 2008 at 18:07 pm

    Uh oh, Wait a God Damn Minute! Wait for the results? JB, you using this blog and all the chatter ( i.e. US) as a way of reaching out to or getting a reaction (positive of course) from this Mystery Lady in (or not) your life? You just trying to get dialogue going between y’all. Coz if you are, I feel so used. Violated even. And it ain’t proper. You gots to warn us first. Let us in on your plan. That ain’t much to ask is it? 😉

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 19:45 pm

    Why you gots to be a bitch? 🙂 Of course I don’t need to use anyone to get dialogue running, haha. I shared, she shared, but don’t you think there is some shit we have to discuss outSIDE of this blog?

    Jayzus, you choose to take the wrongest direction possible sometimes, Gala. You’ve got me all wrong. What, you want the entire thing hashed out right here? Dreaming.

    Okay, really. Sorry to snap. But seriously.

  • Galadriel

    22 April, 2008 at 19:48 pm

    Hey, sue me. So I have a tendency of over analysing things. Better safe than sorry right. But I could be right, you could subconsciously (I hate spelling that word) doing what you claim not to be doing. Bet I’d make an excellent lawyer. Being able to read between the lines and all. That’s a good thing, right?

  • Ms Joseph

    22 April, 2008 at 20:28 pm

    On the money, Gala babe… right on the money! Hash away, Mickey and Minnie! Hash away 🙂

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 21:18 pm

    Hashless Society

  • Mushaz

    22 April, 2008 at 22:04 pm

    Oooh isn’t that the old madam speaking? Big up to Ms Joseph

  • ed lover

    22 April, 2008 at 22:37 pm

    thank you Riise!

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 22:41 pm

    ed, do you live to torture me?

  • Ms Joseph

    22 April, 2008 at 22:44 pm

    How nice of you to faka pressure Mr Mushaz, by calling out histories of persons here present lol… thanks tho 😉 it’s all luv.

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 23:07 pm

    He missed you.

  • Ms Joseph

    22 April, 2008 at 23:13 pm

    Lol, he ain’t you 😉 Don’t put words in his mouth.

  • Joe Black

    22 April, 2008 at 23:57 pm

    Oh snap. I got told.

  • anon

    23 April, 2008 at 01:18 am

    *shakes head in disbelief*. Own goal in injury time nonetheless. Now aint that some shite.

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 07:23 am

    I’m trying to avoid that conversation, anon. Seriously. Shock horror.

    And also this post, must die a natural death now 🙂

  • Minnie Mouse

    23 April, 2008 at 10:05 am

    Ms Joseph? joe?? i could be going on and on responding to all this when its actually not my couch you been sitting on?

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 10:21 am

    Come on, don’t trip Minnie. This story is dead and buried.

  • Minnie Mouse

    23 April, 2008 at 10:31 am

    ours?

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 10:37 am

    No not our story, I mean this particular post. Varikunetsa vanhu ava 🙂

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 11:08 am

    Thanks baby.

  • wellington

    11 May, 2008 at 02:07 am

    so have u guyz agreed for a run-off Minnie & Jose or u want UN observation of that run-off.