Ndafunga dande

Why I love my countryI want to come home. And I don’t say this lightly. 4-odd years of wandering around in the wilderness (more commonly known as the diaspora) have brought home the reality that really, there is no place like home.

So creature comforts like running water and electricity and collected refuse and food are just slightly harder to come by in the motherland, but home is home.

An unofficial straw poll I took among fellow diasporans revealed that were things to improve in Zimbabwe, 90% of them would drop their diasporan ways and scurry home like maggots to a week old corpse. I am no longer sure I am prepared to wait that long.

The song goes ‘things can only get better’, but really no-one gave a timeframe to these things getting better, so I say fight the power, now.

Published byEleanor

Tired of all the nonsense. When will the madness end.

56 Comments

  • Galadriel

    7 June, 2007 at 10:03 am

    Can’t say the same here. London is now my home. I can’t imagine life anywhere else. I love it here. What’s not to like? There is absolutely nothing that I had in Zim that I dont have here. The only thing to take me back to Zimbabwe is if I found my self with children. Then and only then would I go back temporarily. There is no way in hell that I would raise children in this country. No fucking way.

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 10:12 am

    London in December when it’s cold and dark at 4pm, February when there is that biting wind that no number of coats will keep at bay. The overpriced transport system that doesnt’t work, the delays on the M25 if you drive, the fact that it’s nigh impossible to meet up with anyone regularly because munhu ari ku ‘shift’, the angry youths on the bus who would as soon stab you as to look at you, that pervading sense of insecurity you feel coz you don’t know which crazy is going to come out at you today. Just a few choice reasons why London is hardly heaven or nowt.

  • Galadriel

    7 June, 2007 at 11:26 am

    Oh, OKAY! Really Chicque, you really wanna talk london transport versus harare transport? Prices and reliability? LOL! Give me break. What about the one in ten chances that the combi you are on is going to be in an accident? What about the combis that never quite go where you need to get to? When have you ever hailed down a cab in Harare? What about the fuel shortages? The getting your head kicked in because your skitrt is a tad too short? You can’t walk alone at night because you can barely see your hand in your face let alone the tokoloshi about to put its arm around your neck. My God, those chicken buses. The scorching sun and constant droughts in November. Two TV channels that arent even on all day. The prudish sensorship board. Dont get me started on the rationing of food. The lack of social welfare. Would at least like to know that if I ever found my ass on the street, the state would be there to take care of me. Oh, AND no buy one get one free. Low standard+high cost of living, the hell is that?

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 11:55 am

    At no point did I say that life in Zim was good, please refer earlier article. Your statement was ‘what’s not to like’ about London? That was the question that I answered.

  • Joe Black

    7 June, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    Ko, what have we Zimbos done, to have you two diasporans glibly discussing our way of life.

    By the way Gala, you’re a bit out of touch. Cabs are very easy to get, they’re everywhere. So are kombis. We have ONE tv channel, the other was closed over 4 years ago I think.

    And there is no food rationing – mari yako chete!

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 13:15 pm

    I don’t do glib, not when it comes to sadza ne cabbage issues (the Zim equivalent of bread and butter: that pseudo-English nonsense). My point is, if 11.8 million people are still in the rat race, I can become 11.8 million and one rodent.

  • Joe Black

    7 June, 2007 at 13:19 pm

    11.8 million? Where did you get that silly number? Think 17-18 million and you’ll be closer to the mark 🙂

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 13:32 pm

    Well if the ‘independent’ media is to be believed, over 5 million people are living in the diaspora, and then at the last census, there were approximately 12 million people, and then you think of the ones who slip through the cracks, and hey, right there you have your 17-18million.

  • Galadriel

    7 June, 2007 at 13:35 pm

    Sorry Chicque, my bad.

    Black, so there aint no more queing for bread or mealie meal? Transportwise, we got travel cards. I love travelcards. They are tha keys to the city. I buy mine by the year therefore sorted for the year. What percentage of your pay goes to transport each month?

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 13:40 pm

    Ken Livingstone haasati akwidza here ma price, coz my brother was complaining the other day that he had to pay 2 quid to get on the bus, last I was there it cost like a pound 50. It was cheaper to buy chips from the chippy than to get onto the bus. My how I miss Friday fish and chip night from the local greasy spoon.

  • Galadriel

    7 June, 2007 at 14:27 pm

    Your bro need to get himself an oyster card. Those things are so cool. A bus ride is way cheaper with oyster.

  • Joe Black

    7 June, 2007 at 16:20 pm

    ZUPCO ndizvo

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 16:35 pm

    ma zhing zhong achirikufamba here kana kuti makagujunura kuti muwane ma parts e ma scotch cart? Seeing that scotch carts are a significant part of government’s reckoning of inflation. (one could be forgiven for thinking that this is India, but alack!) Pity that they outlawed cows and donkeys on the main roads. That could be a possible venture for Hertz to diversity into, Rent-a-Cow.

  • Galadriel

    7 June, 2007 at 16:36 pm

    Rent-an-Ass. (giggle)

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 16:38 pm

    LMFAO!

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 16:40 pm

    Gala, now you are going to have all the pimps come smoking out of the woodwork.

  • The Squire

    7 June, 2007 at 17:39 pm

    Advantage of being home………russian & chips from sunflower or an oriental pie!
    Holidays kuKariba, romance kuinyanga. Thats the shit

  • aefro chicque

    7 June, 2007 at 23:58 pm

    Boet, you are preaching to the converted. How can you even forget Vic shamwari?

  • Joe Black

    8 June, 2007 at 08:06 am

    Ah, the cascading waters, playing tricks on my visiting friends by taking them through the rain-forest then running off with the umbrella…

  • Andy Tee

    8 June, 2007 at 08:22 am

    East, West home is best! Except if you in the South you dnt really miss home!! Do you Squire?

  • Tino

    8 June, 2007 at 10:06 am

    At least here in South we have Mazowe!

  • Galadriel

    8 June, 2007 at 10:25 am

    SO went to the pub for a few and managed to walk away unscaved as usual. However, it had me thinking, can a woman walk into a pub in Zimbabwe without people thinking she a sex worker or drunk? Remember, I left Ziombabwe straight out of Jameson High boarding so never had the chance to drink out. Can a woman have a nice quiet one with friends without attracting unwanted drunken attention? If not, I definitely like living in london for that reason.

    PS: Had my first shooters yesterday and not bad. Expected worse but nah.

  • Joe Black

    8 June, 2007 at 10:27 am

    Of course, why is it that you people over in Britain think kuti Zimbabwe is the wild west or something?

    Don’t read the apartheid press and think kuti the country is on fire girl, it’s a normal, quiet peaceful civilised nation.

  • Galadriel

    8 June, 2007 at 10:35 am

    So if you go to the bhawa often they dont think you a slapper?

  • Joe Black

    8 June, 2007 at 11:16 am

    Well if you DO go to the bhawa often you ARE a slapper 😀

  • Andy Tee

    8 June, 2007 at 12:06 pm

    Tino just got some Chicken Flings the other day at Spar Pineslopes!! AC move to the South. ….

  • Joe Black

    8 June, 2007 at 12:48 pm

    shaz, Things seem to have disappeared again from the shops, all I can find are Jupiters

  • Galadriel

    8 June, 2007 at 12:55 pm

    JUPITERS! Fuking A. They the ones that taste like peanut butter?

    Andy Tee, you with Tino?

    Black, that is what i was worried about. Cant go to the pub without getting labelled. Here, no one notices you except the italian barman who likes you.

  • Andy Tee

    8 June, 2007 at 13:29 pm

    Well neva seen her but we dwn South!! And we can even get maputi this side. Joe I will bring you maThings – handiti you guys are now exporting them here!

  • Tino

    8 June, 2007 at 13:38 pm

    Manje the Superspar in Broadacres is the best – found Mazoe there and those little Yoghurts from dairiboard! No Galadriel I’ve never met Andy Tee or anyone else but JB, so far.

  • Joe Black

    8 June, 2007 at 13:56 pm

    Oh, they don’t make Jupiters that taste like dovi anymore 🙂

    You South Africans, just know you have to come home to get a Happ Days egg-burger. Or like Squire said, to queue for russian and chips in Bulawayo.

  • Galadriel

    8 June, 2007 at 15:50 pm

    What is a russian?

  • Mushaz

    8 June, 2007 at 17:00 pm

    Maiweeeee mwana akarasika uyu

  • Galadriel

    8 June, 2007 at 17:13 pm

    Just answer the fucking question!!!

  • Tigz

    8 June, 2007 at 17:36 pm

    Russian
    n.
    a. A native or inhabitant of Russia.
    b. A person of Russian descent.
    c. A native or inhabitant of the former Soviet Union.

  • Joe Black

    8 June, 2007 at 18:07 pm

    So you’ve never heard of a russian sausage?

  • aefro chicque

    8 June, 2007 at 18:13 pm

    these born frees (solemn shake of the head).

  • Galadriel

    8 June, 2007 at 18:20 pm

    No, I have not got a clue what a russian sausage is. I can hazard a guess but I wouldn’t imagine that you can have it with chips. Or could you?

  • G.R.A.W

    8 June, 2007 at 23:35 pm

    its what these pikey shops sell with the chips, its just sausage and chips, but the russian item is da bomb!

  • aefro chicque

    9 June, 2007 at 00:35 am

    It is the british equivalent of a Saveloy.

  • Joe Black

    9 June, 2007 at 09:31 am

    Not really like a sav, a russian is deep-fried and greasy as hell 🙂

    Now I’m getting hungry, a pilgrimage to Skies is in order.

  • aefro chicque

    9 June, 2007 at 12:53 pm

    I am talking nonsense, what I meant to say was, the Saveloy is the Bhuretishi version of the Russian, and at the fish and chippy they profane it by battering it then deep frying it. I ask you.

  • aefro chicque

    9 June, 2007 at 14:33 pm

    For all the techies out there, I need some help. I accidentally uninstalled my sound driver on my laptop. I don’t know how to reinstall it, any one got any sites I can download sound drivers for a Toshiba E8 (obviously no money should be changing hands or nothing), and the installation process. Tried doing it on my own to no avail.

  • Anonymous

    9 June, 2007 at 22:14 pm

    What women don’t understand about men.
    Anonymous
    Saturday June 9, 2007
    The Guardian
    Lisa is pleased that Handsome Josh is able to talk to her as a friend.
    On the one hand, I was encouraged. That Josh could form simple sentences inspired awe and wonder; it was like hearing that a lemur had qualified as a dentist. But my less sunny side couldn’t help but see the bigger, darker picture.
    Lovers cannot be friends. Women curiously often express the wish that their boyfriends were also friends, but that demonstrates something that they don’t understand about men. I’m not dipping a toe into the stagnant pond of “Can men and women be friends?” here, by the way. That’s an entirely different matter. I’m merely saying that however much a man may adore and respect his girlfriend or wife, she is not his friend. A woman is a girlfriend or a friend, she can’t truly be both: fact.
    Some won’t accept what I’m about to say now, but it’s true (I don’t make the law, I just write it up): on some level, a man must fear his girlfriend. He must instinctively feel a need to hold back information or smudge the truth; anxious that otherwise it will mean anger with him, disapproval of him, or disappointment in him. He must not feel comfortable behaving as he would were she a friend. Remove that and the vital frisson is lost. A lion, however tame, is glorious only because you still sense it is potentially deadly; take away the spark of danger, and you have a vole.
    When it comes to desire, a man will be drawn to kiss a mouth that has teeth. And from what I was being told, I knew that, for Josh, Lisa had become all gums.

    Any comments from all y’all especially Ms Joe? Do you believe that you and Joe are friends as well as Lover? Could this explain all our failed relationships?

  • aefro chicque

    9 June, 2007 at 23:49 pm

    If any of us had any answers, none of us would be in the relationships that we are in, or have just left, or are contemplating leaving.

  • Joe Black

    10 June, 2007 at 00:24 am

    I have no idea WTF you’re talking about here, Gala 🙂

  • aefro chicque

    10 June, 2007 at 00:41 am

    Carrying on with the whole relationship nyaya, case in point of how people often get it wrong:

    Henin beat Ana Ivanovic to win a fourth Paris crown months after splitting from her husband and being reconciliated with her estranged family.

    Why on earth would you put a man ahead of your family? Because murume anokupandukira ukashaya pekuhwandira. Whatever happened to blood being thicker than water?

  • Galadriel

    10 June, 2007 at 01:15 am

    Black, dont be coy with me. You friends with your other half or are you strictly lovers? What the Guardian said makes sense. Can you tell her everything without worrying about alienating her? I can’t imagine being able to share everything with my other half that I share with my friends.

  • aefro chicque

    10 June, 2007 at 01:18 am

    ‘Ignorance is bliss’, ‘what you don’t know can’t hurt you’. People are on to something there, nobody needs to know everything. this whole bare-all culture leaves you exposed and vulnerable to attack. When you fight and then vanhu vakuputitsa ma X faira emakavhurirana rudo rwacho rwuchapisa.

  • Joe Black

    10 June, 2007 at 15:19 pm

    She’s my best friend.

  • aefro chicque

    10 June, 2007 at 15:40 pm

    so JB, Tri Nations is coming up, how are you going to fare with this new abnegative regime of yours?

  • Joe Black

    10 June, 2007 at 18:22 pm

    Tri-Nations I can do without babes, and with any luck I’ll be watching it at home. Touch wood. Not my own, of course.

    Besides that, the tri-nations is nothing this year…I don’t really care.

    PaSeptember apa chete…

  • KrYpTiQ

    11 June, 2007 at 04:02 am

    @ JB, not ur own !! lol, nice save there.
    interestin blog btw. how does one contribute? and can anyone start a topic, or do u have ma admins?

  • aefro chicque

    11 June, 2007 at 04:28 am

    So JB, who do you think is going to be giving NZ a run for their money come September?

    KrYpTiQ, are you dyslexic? I only ask because that conglomeration of capitals and small caps you have going on there is enough to bring on an epileptic fit. No offense or nothing.

  • Joe Black

    11 June, 2007 at 09:17 am

    KrYpTiQ – thanks lok. hit the contact link at the bottom and send me an email with your topic.

    aChic, it’s too early to call it effectively, but Oz looks good as always, Bokke will play, I reckon Ireland and the Pumas will have a go but in the end….
    ……..
    ………….New Zealand to win it at a canter, bar a minor scare.