There’s nothing better than …

… a woman who will cook breakfast for you when you ask her to. When all you really need is a bacon and egg sandwich and a little bit of warmth to get you through the day.

Like, no matter how tired you are of the whole go-round, the Super 14 finals, the beer price increases during the Super 14 finals, all the bullshit news coming out of South Africa; no matter what, just a little bit of love and the world will be a better place.

Like, maybe one day Putin will grow the fuck up, the United States will get serious about global warming, uniforms will behave professionally and Hillary Clinton will finally (please God) quit.

Okay, clutching at straws there.

77 Comments

  • Joe Black

    2 June, 2008 at 11:56 am

    Hmm, I realise my comment form is drunk in the new template.

  • Buffdaddy

    2 June, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    Loved the design and thought I was on the wrong site. Pity bout the form

  • Joe Black

    2 June, 2008 at 12:10 pm

    Fixing the form now, it craps out if you’re not logged in. Guess my MySQL skills are fading 🙂

  • Joe Black

    2 June, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    Ha! Can’t touch this dum dum dum … etc

  • Galadriel

    2 June, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    Yay, I can comment now. Was beginning to think I was barred from airing my fabulously witty views.

  • Alias

    2 June, 2008 at 14:53 pm

    New site is kinda flashy but I’m sure it’ll grow on me…

    There’s nothing better than buying a cute girl a drink at an open bar…

    piece

  • Eleanor

    2 June, 2008 at 14:59 pm

    June 3. Last primary I believe. then the wicked witch of the west will have the final stake driven through her heart and burned at the stake (to mix folklore metaphors)

  • Joe Black

    2 June, 2008 at 15:43 pm

    I notice how you don’t even mention breakfast. Don’t be scurred, lol.

    I hope she gives it up this week. Some say she’s deliberately sabotaging Osama so that she has a clear shot at the nomination in 2012, assuming she does enough damage to allow McCain to win in November.

    Conspiracies abound.

  • Joe Black

    2 June, 2008 at 15:47 pm

    Snap!

  • Tino

    2 June, 2008 at 16:02 pm

    Lovers’ tiff?

    Wow, thats very bright. I like it!

  • minnie mouse

    2 June, 2008 at 17:00 pm

    Lol. Tino’s been quiet till she thot she sniffed a lover’s tiff in the air:-)

  • Joe Black

    2 June, 2008 at 18:56 pm

    She’s been waiting all this time just for a gwaan, eh? Well there’s no gwaan here, ek se.

    Thanks for the feedback.

  • Galadriel

    2 June, 2008 at 19:00 pm

    Am I the only one who is bothered by a man who is thankful for ‘a woman who makes them breakfast?’ What exactly does that mean? I know there is something there between the lines, but I can’t bring myself to actually think exactly what JB is implying. I know he will deny it, but subconsciously, I get the impression JB has something to say. Something a woman like me would not be happy to hear. God, are there still men who have expectations of women in this day and age? Are there really men who expect women to fit into a particular role because of their gender? Am I still expected to be the better cook and cleaner? Is this the reason why I am single? Am I putting ‘decent’ men who know me off with my blatant desire to be who I am, someone bent on not conforming to what is expected of me?

  • Joe Black

    2 June, 2008 at 19:43 pm

    Yes.

  • Galadriel

    2 June, 2008 at 23:39 pm

    Jack-ass!

  • Anonymous

    3 June, 2008 at 00:07 am

    “Joe Black Says:
    June 2nd, 2008 at 15:43 pm

    ..I hope she gives it up this week. ..”

    for a second i thot you was talkin about Minnie 🙂

  • Eleanor

    3 June, 2008 at 06:24 am

    Gala there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a domestic goddess, I for one, am all for it. That will give me time at home to work on my kama sutra skills. So far I have not found any job fulfilling enough to lie to myself that if some man wanted me barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen, I wouldnt leave it all at the drop of a hat. This would also give me executive powers to hire a well hung good looking pool boy. Women cannot have it all. Something has to suffer. It’s not called a balancing act for nothing, because it’s just that, an act.

  • Joe Black

    3 June, 2008 at 07:07 am

    Anonymous, absolutely no comment. Why you wanna set a brother up like that? Having said that … hmmm.

    Gala, I believe it’s a choice you have to make. Just one question, though. Just how many of those high-flying man-eating non-conformers are actually happy wth themselves?

    No implications there, and there’s no way we can actually know, but it’s a valid question, I think.

  • dhlaks

    3 June, 2008 at 09:48 am

    methinks JB has a valid point but then when are women actually happy with themselves??

    ome little comment can destroy any ‘strong’ woman.

  • Galadriel

    3 June, 2008 at 11:03 am

    Sorry, I just ain’t one for settling.

  • Joe Black

    3 June, 2008 at 11:09 am

    So don’t fucking complain, handiti?

    “Is this the reason why I am single? Am I putting ‘decent’ men who know me off with my blatant desire to be who I am, someone bent on not conforming to what is expected of me?”

    🙂

  • Galadriel

    3 June, 2008 at 11:25 am

    My Bad. You have a point, but no need for being an ass about it. 🙂

  • Tino

    3 June, 2008 at 11:28 am

    Girl pay no mind, he’ll always be an ass. These boys are also afraid of strong, independent women.

  • Joe Black

    3 June, 2008 at 11:29 am

    Oops, sorry. It’s just that, you know, I suppose it’s a sacrifice in some ways, and it’s also a CHOICE.

    You know what men want? Give it to them. Or don’t. Chete.

  • Joe Black

    3 June, 2008 at 11:30 am

    “Boys” eh Tino? You’re delusional my friend. I prefer independent women myself. But I can’t lie that a bit of the womanly touch is welcome, indeed necessary to keep me interested.

  • dhlaks

    3 June, 2008 at 12:00 pm

    i second that JB.

    Tino strong and woman do not belong in the same sentence, these “strong” independent women are the most fragile, hiding behind the mask of success whilst wondering why Tom Dick and Harry chase after every other chica but them.

  • Galadriel

    3 June, 2008 at 14:03 pm

    See right there is what gets me cringing. “You know what men want? Give it to them. Or don’t.” Do men ever care about what women want? Seems to me the men are wanting and getting while no one cares about what a woman wants unless it involves money and children. And “that a bit of the womanly touch”. What does that even mean. I would like to think a ‘gentle’ touch as opposed to the ‘manly’ touch. However the reality of it is that a woman’s touch is actually what SHE can do for a man (tend to his needs and the nest). But what exactly does this man do for her. What is in it for her really?!

  • dhlaks

    3 June, 2008 at 14:15 pm

    assurance that no matter what other ppl say about her there’s that man who thinks she’s his world.

    Go ahead tell me i’m wrong.

    As to your allegation that we dont care what women want i disagree, if you do not give a woman what she wants then she will not give you what you want.

  • Galadriel

    3 June, 2008 at 14:26 pm

    “assurance that no matter what other ppl say about her there’s that man who thinks she’s his world.” Oh yeah, assurance that someone thinks she’s his world. That’s alright then! Except, I can get that from my father without slaving away for him.

  • dhlaks

    3 June, 2008 at 14:41 pm

    and that is why women fall fo guys who are just like their father

  • Galadriel

    3 June, 2008 at 14:59 pm

    Have you never heard of the Sexy Son Hypothesis. It is fascinating stuff and explains a lot.

  • dhlaks

    3 June, 2008 at 15:34 pm

    erm sorry never heard of it, please enlighten us poor folk.

    i guess your point about not slaving away to get a mans attention means that you do not want him to slave away to get yours yes??

  • Anonymous

    3 June, 2008 at 15:39 pm

    “…infidelity is a natural occurrence in women…”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexy_son_hypothesis

  • dhlaks

    3 June, 2008 at 15:43 pm

    ahhh yes i see what you mean, it is very facinating.

  • Joe Black

    3 June, 2008 at 16:09 pm

    I make my own hypotheses, thank you vewy much.

  • Galadriel

    3 June, 2008 at 16:34 pm

    Sigh!

  • dhlaks

    4 June, 2008 at 09:16 am

    we are just using the material you pointed us to Gala…

  • Joe Black

    4 June, 2008 at 09:43 am

    Barack Obama for president!!

  • Andy Tee

    4 June, 2008 at 10:59 am

    Yeah you can say that again!

  • dhlaks

    4 June, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    Hell Yeah!!!

  • Anonymous

    4 June, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    McCain for president!!

  • Joe Black

    4 June, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    There’s always one, isn’t there? It’s allowed, in fact an open discourse is one of the fundamental tenets of our campaign, and a founding principle upon which the great nation of Ame … okay sorry, went into Obama mode there.

  • Galadriel

    4 June, 2008 at 12:38 pm

    But really, what are Obama’s chances of occupying the White House? And when is Hilary going to bow down and admit defeat? Should Obama take her as vice president or go for John what’s his face who may win him the southerner’s and the white vote?

  • Anonymous

    4 June, 2008 at 14:43 pm

    i bet theres a pretty good chance he will be occupying the White House before you get a man 🙂

  • Alias

    4 June, 2008 at 16:43 pm

    I’m currently watching your boy Obama deep-throating some serious circumcised AIPAC pole at some lobby speech. He’s even cupping the balls in hopes of getting the Yiddish vote. Poor bastard, just one of many in a long line of lackeys trying to get his moment in power.

  • Alias

    4 June, 2008 at 16:50 pm

    now he’s talking up the relationship between American Jews and African-Americans as some sort of elixir to solve all the world’s problems. sorry to point out the bullshit of the new black jesus, but really he’s no different than the rest. If you think the colour of his skin will reflect some revolution in American policy… you’ve probably smoked something stronger than the Moroccan hash I’m currently puffing on in Amsterdam.

    piece in the middle east,

    -alias

  • Galadriel

    4 June, 2008 at 18:44 pm

    Hey, all I am asking for is a black us president just this once. BUT one who comes away less of a fuck up than Dubya. We just need him to set the stage for people of colour in the white house. The world just needs a message from America that she ain’t as negatively biased towards non-whites as she appears. And electing a black president is the best evidence to that effect. If he happens to be the black Jesus(or the second depending on who you talk to) then kudos to him.

  • Alias

    4 June, 2008 at 20:31 pm

    I hear you about the longer lasting racial implications, but in the here and now- Obama isn’t anything new. Typical Democrat talking change and revolution and merely producing Republican Lite. He will be better than Bush though…

  • Joe Black

    5 June, 2008 at 08:40 am

    Alias, fuck off. “Typical Democrat talking change … and merely producing Republican Lite”.

    Wow, thank you for defining Barack’s two terms in office. Thanks to you, we now know that hes all rhetoric, and nothing but a Red in Blue clothing.

    Wow. Delusional much?

  • Anonymous

    5 June, 2008 at 09:44 am

    Joe, i love the new look mate! Come up with it yourself?

    As for my two cents, cynicism and bs aside…Go Obama!

  • Vimbai

    5 June, 2008 at 09:45 am

    Oops, forgot to let you know above comment is from me!

  • Joe Black

    5 June, 2008 at 10:06 am

    Darling! Thought you’d been swallowed into the black hole that is the diaspora!

    Thanks, the original idea was by a dude named Adii (from South Africa, actually), but much of it is mine.

    Tune us!

  • Buffdaddy

    5 June, 2008 at 11:12 am

    hmm been away a few days and talk of what men want and what women need, a black man in the white house. next we’ll be working on a cure for aids and peace in the middle east.

    simple reality – all men want a domestic goddess. then good sex, then conversation, then a good mother to their kids in that order. if you can’t or won’t do it – then don’t bother. here’s one for you – why do brides wear white – because all good kitchen appliances come in white.

    as for Obama I will remove two ribs and suck my cock when he becomes president of them thar mighty united states. http://www.dailysquib.co.uk/?c=117&a=1227

    http://www.kkk.bz/

    whitey can’t kill him coz he has the secret service you say, well maybe he’ll be exchanging notes with JFK. truth be told mccain will win. he ticks the boxes with big business.

    so for all you unmarried chicks approaching your best before date and expiry of shelf life, wuts’ the viable option – von smallhousen?

  • Joe Black

    5 June, 2008 at 14:24 pm

    von Smallhausen? Lol. That’s where Galadriel is heading.

    Well dude, get ready for some auto-fellatio because Barack is going all the way.

  • Alias

    5 June, 2008 at 14:26 pm

    harsh words Monsieur Black…

    I’ll promise to reserve judgment on Obama until he’s in office if you promise not to give him a free ride just because he doesn’t look like any of the past presidents.

  • Galadriel

    5 June, 2008 at 14:29 pm

    von smallhousen?

    What I want?

    First and fore most ALTRUISM (with this I don’t really have to say more but…)
    a tie between good sex and conversation
    then a domestic god
    a good father to their kids is dependant on whether or not I wakeup one day and decide I want to raise a Homo sapien.

    Bottom line, you get back what you put in. If not, compromise is possible but needs to be accompanied by something to make up for it to make it tolerable for the relationship to exist. I am happy to have a guy good between the sheets though with bad convo, as long as they understand that it is a long term one night stand that could be terminated at any time. I couldn’t deal with the reverse though.

    Compatibility is always mandatory for every individual in any relationship. But Altruism is the basic feature that I am not willing to overlook. Tit for Tat, that strategy can not fail.

  • Joe Black

    5 June, 2008 at 14:37 pm

    Alias, I’m not for Barack Obama because he’s black. (Technically he’s a goffal, but anyway).

    I’m for him because of who he is, what he’s done, what he says and what he can do.

  • Eleanor

    5 June, 2008 at 15:33 pm

    As we all know about my levels of delusion, I am a rabid Billary supporter. Coz with the Clintons you know exactly what bs you are signing up for, there is no promise of being lily white. Obama has campaigned on a platform of change, a similar one that got the Democrats control of both houses where incidentally they haven’t achieved much leading to some of the worst ratings among the voting public. So that pedestal he has built up for himself could be his undoing when it turns out he has feet of clay, one example of which is his making the politically expedient move of distancing himself from his church which was instrumental in shaping who he is today.

    Buffdaddy as for viable options, well being single wasnt a death sentence last I checked. And if you wait into your mid 30s, all those men who got married in their early 20s are coming out of messy divorces. Hopefully not looking for 20year old flesh. That or a fcuk buddy, which is significantly harder coz mindblowing toe-curling I am going to be screeching my lungs off the rooftop while I claw at the walls kinda sex is hard to find. And that is the only kind worth having a fcuk buddy for.

  • Joe Black

    5 June, 2008 at 16:07 pm

    Oh please. Bill and Hillary are both bat-shit crazy, and I’m glad the voters saw through them. As for the church, yeah that’s politics, but those pastors are also bat-shit crazy and seemed to be doing everything they could to sink his campaign.

    They represented the opposite of what he stands for, so he quit. Isn’t that common fucking sense?

  • Galadriel

    5 June, 2008 at 16:25 pm

    JB: you really think people other than SOME blacks even bother remembering Obama is also white. They are still finding it impossible to distinguish between him and Bin Laden. My priority with BO is his blackness. He is Blacker than most ‘African Americans’ with a black parent.

  • Eleanor

    5 June, 2008 at 17:08 pm

    It took him 20 years to realise that they represented the opposite of what he stood for, these being the same people who gave him the message of the audacity of hope? Doesn’t say much about his judgement though does it?

  • Galadriel

    5 June, 2008 at 17:33 pm

    Are we to take offence that the man took advantage of the chances that were put in front of him. The guy got lucky is all. No harm in that. Besides, poor guy grew up around the world and probably had a hard time finding where exactly to fit in. Now he all grown up and settled and has a BLACK wife and had a BLACK priest and all. He made a choice, although I kinda don’t think some one with parents from both backgrounds should have to pick a side. I think they should be aloud to embrace both sides proportionally. And back to his earlier life, Jesus, could we loose the stereotypes. Who said that gong to an ivy league college is a white thing. Yeah, they dominate, which is why there is a need to prove that given the chance, it don’t need to be. And we need people like Obama and others showing that we aint all about gun crime and such. Given the chance and allowed the resources, we do shine. We are just the victims of rotten luck (that a black man or woman didn’t invent the wheel) resulting to our being vulnerable to exploitation and oppression. If technology had originated or spread early enough to the Africa (origin of Homo sapiens) and the colour f our skin being so strikingly different , we wouldn’t be in the mess we are in right now. Same goes to the whole disproportion in the respect towards the sexes. Sod’s Law that it had to be a male to first hog the role of hunting. Had it been a woman thought of it first, things would have been tonnes different.

    I’m just sayin! 🙂 And I think it makes a whole lotta sense too.

  • Eleanor

    5 June, 2008 at 18:18 pm

    this is to all those who have some kind of tech savvy (clearly this skill has eluded me). I need to find somewhere online where I can get the Celebration Choir/Hear the Music CDs or MP3s. I have googled it and have found some dodgy sites but nothing yielding any meaningful results. Do these people not have some kind of website?

  • Joe Black

    5 June, 2008 at 18:56 pm

    Buy. The. CD.

    Eleanour, so how does it feel to have backed a losing horse? Cos no matter how much you shriek and yell about how Barack is this and that, all bullshit pushed out by the Right-Wing Media Machine, the Dems have chosen.

    Besides being the highest-ranked vagina in the land, why else would you support Hillary ‘We landed under sniper fire’ Clinton?

    I see only one major problem for Obama. He’s way smarter than most Dumbericans, and in America intelligence is feared far more than race or gender.

  • Eleanor

    5 June, 2008 at 19:09 pm

    You are a Liverpool supporter, negro please. Glass houses, stones anybody?

    In case you hadnt noticed, I am 10 000km or so away from the nearest Spinalong. I have looked on Amazon, ebay, yahoo and all those other sites, I cant find it anywhere. I asked you ages ago and you failed to come through for me.

  • Galadriel

    5 June, 2008 at 19:21 pm

    JB, how can I tell that the post has expired and people have moved posts. I like the current setup but we have lost the calendar which was my best way to tell (however late) that the reason there was not activity was that it was happening elsewhere.

  • Joe Black

    5 June, 2008 at 19:48 pm

    Gala, try going to the home page 🙂

    Elle my friend, http://www.celebrationmin.org/. Email them and ask. Have you thought of that, maybe?

  • Eleanor

    6 June, 2008 at 02:57 am

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it’s hoity toity nigga in the house! Thanks for the info anyway, that is all I was looking for. I think my retarded self can take it from here.

  • Joe Black

    6 June, 2008 at 08:25 am

    Next time, maybe JFGI.

    What’s JFGI, you ask? See here

  • Anonymous

    6 June, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Eleanour, like a vast number of Americans, has epistemophobia. Yes you’ll have to Google that one too!

  • Joe Black

    6 June, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    Gala, I’ve added your calendar. Any other gripes? (Besides comment numbers, Minnie Mouse)

  • Eleanor

    6 June, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    I am not sure why people have taken to spelling my name with a ‘U’. It’s E-L-E-A-N-O-R.

    I have never run away from my ignorance, I am in fact the first to embrace it. It is my steadfast and constant companion, so ya’ll can just step back and seal up that wise crack that you are gaping into.

  • Galadriel

    6 June, 2008 at 14:22 pm

    Yeah, I noticed but did not want to interfer incase they were looking to get a reaction out of you Elle. Elle is okay though right. If not, let me know. Don’t fancy being on the business end of your wrath today.

  • dhlaks

    6 June, 2008 at 15:24 pm

    geezelike, the sista’s have closed ranks and formed a wagon fort 😀 …

    today is a friday ppl lets go into the weekend with good thoughts and drink, dance, smoke and [insert whatever you do for fun here] the blues away….

    i know i’m gonna P.A.R.T.Yyyyyyy….

  • Alias

    6 June, 2008 at 20:20 pm

    very Socratic of you Mdme. Eleanor…

  • Joe Black

    7 June, 2008 at 07:53 am

    Right. About to leave for Jameson High now. Re-union, bitches! Beer at the staff pub! I loik it, I loik it a lot!!!