Why did the chicken cross the road?

Morgan Tsvangirai: Because it wanted a taste of life on the other side of the road. It was exercising its right.

Patrick Chinamasa: No. The chicken did not cross the road. In fact we need to verify whether in fact it was a chicken. As far as we know, the chicken is still there. It could have been an eagle. We have to wait until verification is done.

Didymus Mutasa: I do not think it crossed the road. If it crossed the road it’s because the white farmer dragged it. But we cannot allow that to happen. It will have to come back.

Joseph Chinotimba: The kichen, no, chicken is a sell-out against the revolution. The ‘O’ vets will have to eat it!

Robert Mugabe: The chicken will never be allowed to cross the road. Not in my life time! Let those that run away to Bush and Brown do so. Not my chicken! My chicken will never cross the road. It will never be colonised again!

Thabo Mbeki: Er … uhm … I don’t see any chicken at the moment … I think it is right for us to wait and see. Let things take the natural course. If… if… if it did cross the road we will be told officially. If it wants to cross the road we will see it when it crosses. There is nothing to talk about at the moment … I don’t see any problem right now.

Tendai Biti: We have irrefutable evidence from those who were at the road that the chicken has, indeed, without any shadow of doubt, crossed the road. I hereby declare that Chicken Huku Inkuku is now the legitimate resident of the other side of the road.

Bright Matonga: At the moment we know that it has not crossed the road, despite imperialist efforts to push it. We know they will try again and are now preparing to unleash the remaining 75% of our effort so that it can never be pushed again next time.

Nathaniel Manheru a.k.a. George Charamba: How can, a chicken, itself a hapless bird, be expected to cross the road unless it is pushed deviously and surreptitiously by the hand of the vicious and uncouth imperialists? The only chicken that can cross that road is a stooge, a puppet, an instrument of the West that will be rocket-propelled by the loud fart of Brown and Bush … Icho!

Levy Mwanawasa: It knew the ground on that side was sinking like the Titanic. It had to cross.

General Chiwenga: It can’t.

Commissioner-General Chihuri: It can’t cross the road.

Gordon Brown: It was running away from Mugabe.

Jacob Zuma: I think it is important that we be told whether or not the chicken actually crossed road. That should be very easy to do.

Jonathan Moyo: Of course, the chicken crossed the road because it could not stand the nonsense on the other side. But the shameless securocrats will do everything in their power to prevent everyone from knowing that it, indeed, and unequivocally crossed the road.

Judge of the High Court: Whether or not it crossed the road is a matter for the officials to declare at their own time. They have the power to order a re-check and verification as to whether it crossed the road before they can make the declaration.

Zimbabwe Electoral Commission: We are not in a position to say whether or not the chicken crossed the road. There are some people who have complained that it probably wasn’t a chicken at all and others saying it was being pushed or dragged against its will. We are currently considering whether to do a re-check before we can officially declare if the chicken crossed the road. We will take as long as we want to be fully certain that it was a chicken that crossed the road.

104 Comments

  • Tino

    23 April, 2008 at 11:08 am

    Well, lookie who found his testicles?

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 11:09 am

    SNAP!!!!

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 11:13 am

    It’s a mail that’s doing the rounds, far too funny and I couldn’t resist πŸ™‚

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 11:14 am

    I would rather go back to your love triangle. Can we just do that. I think there was some unfinished business. You can’t leave us hanging like that. Come on. The people have asked. Now give ’em something. And make it good.

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 11:15 am

    Pindura Muvhunzo!!!

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 11:20 am

    Like I said, I’ll release those results when the ZEC release theirs. And who said anything about a triangle?

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 11:32 am

    the JB, Minnie, Ms Joseph triangle…with Tino watching closely by the sidelines

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 11:33 am

    Fine!

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 11:37 am

    I thank the ‘fine’ surrender back. I’m with Anonymous.

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 11:39 am

    Heeeey! Re7: I’m “just a friend”. Now πŸ™‚

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 11:42 am

    Heeeeey! They’re all just my friends, hmm?

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 11:47 am

    Now now JB… one chicken DID cross the road here huh. Surely we can all see that.

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 11:51 am

    just friends huh, maybe one is too chicken to cross the road

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 11:54 am

    Oh snap!

  • Tino

    23 April, 2008 at 11:58 am

    Yah! Chiroora. Giving us problems for nothing.

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 11:59 am

    Hence the “devious, surreptitious pushing by the hand of uncouth [rusty-posts]” lol.

    Anonymous, are you hiding Commissioner-General Chihuri?

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 12:01 pm

    when I said ‘I thank the Γ’β‚¬ΛœfineÒ€ℒ surrender back. IÒ€ℒm with Anonymous.’ I meant to say I take the ‘fine’ back.

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 12:03 pm

    Tino, this chicken will cross the road one day, I assure you.

    Ms Joseph, shouldn’t we be studying, hmmm? Lol. You said surreptitious, that word always made me larf.

    Gala, we noticed.

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 12:07 pm

    We are studying. Current Affairs. πŸ™‚

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    ….and a little bit of History

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    LOL, Gala’s doing Grammar.

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 12:15 pm

    I’m learning Diplomacy and International Affairs πŸ˜€

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    Hope you pass this time. Nuff resits lol.

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 12:20 pm

    lol, International Affairs, now thats one tough subject

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    OH! NO YOU DID NOT! Let’s just say my teacher wasn’t the best, hmm?

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 12:26 pm

    Sometimes it’s not the teacher’s fault. But ok, we’ll have that point annulled for now.

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    There there.

  • Tino

    23 April, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    Matanga

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 12:30 pm

    was it really the teacher? or maybe the “student” had local distractions

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    Thank you.

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 12:33 pm

    I respectfully decline to respond to further comments along this line of conversation and speculation and conjecture.

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    The Int’l Affairs lesson’s over anyway… we’re on Current Affairs now, like I said before πŸ™‚

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    Why did the chicken cross the road?

    Joe Black: I respectfully decline to respond to further comments along this line of conversation and speculation and conjecture.

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    Okay, I see what this is. Get Joseph Day. C’mon Anonymous, identify yourself.

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 13:04 pm

    It’s Chihuri.

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 13:46 pm

    Hehehe. Well, some of us have to work now.

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 14:40 pm

    bcos he was tired of ppl asking him questions

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 14:48 pm

    JB, Evasive manoeuvres? That the best you can do?

  • daughterofeve

    23 April, 2008 at 15:14 pm

    Bob strikes again……….

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7362278.stm

    As Amy asked……..what kind of Fuckery is this????

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 16:12 pm

    Hey I’m not evading anything. Except results πŸ™‚

    I’m now studying Home Affairs. Extensively.

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 17:31 pm

    So is this study out in the field or just desktop analysis and strategic work? And how is it working for ya?

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 18:04 pm

    Gala, you’re killing me! So…Joe darling? Which is it?

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 18:25 pm

    Field work mostly, practical exercises πŸ™‚

    You two are a deadly couple.

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 18:28 pm

    Well, PLEASE Promise me it ain’t recon. ‘Cause that’d be tragic.

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 18:36 pm

    Actually, reconnaissance work is a good thing, showing forward-thinkingness, a virtue. BUT if it is done with stealth, TRAGIC Aka Stalkin. So, which is it?

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 18:41 pm

    ooooh, shot!

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 19:13 pm

    unholy alliance.

  • Anonymous

    23 April, 2008 at 19:23 pm

    now which alliance is/was unholy….JB & Minnie or JB & Ms Joseph?

  • Galadriel

    23 April, 2008 at 19:28 pm

    *Giggle* I’m out!

    Whoa! Only until tomorrow. Need to recharge those batteries. Everyone, go easy on him. He may need all his energy tomorrow. πŸ™‚

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 19:46 pm

    Okay, really. Anonymous, if you want to be a bitch please do it with your face unmasked. Don’t hide behind anonymity πŸ™‚

  • Ms Joseph

    23 April, 2008 at 20:04 pm

    Gosh, I can’t wait to hear this one.

  • Joe Black

    23 April, 2008 at 23:00 pm

    There will be blood.

  • Anonymous

    24 April, 2008 at 01:42 am

    is it your time of the month?

  • Joe Black

    24 April, 2008 at 07:24 am

    Bloody useless Barcelona. Well done ManUre.

  • Tino

    24 April, 2008 at 12:41 pm

    Very quiet. Results?

  • Anonymous

    24 April, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    i suspect some is attempting ‘quiet diplomacy’ ala Mbeki

  • Ms Joseph

    24 April, 2008 at 13:29 pm

    This is almost as frustrating as waiting for a new Zimbabwean President. I don’t want to know anymore.

  • Joe Black

    24 April, 2008 at 14:08 pm

    You people I don’t even know what results you want. The outcome has already been determined ka. Muchazvinetsa.

    Actually there may have been some round-table talks …

  • dhlaks

    24 April, 2008 at 14:17 pm

    on what… and my sentiments exactly JB… but lol to ronnie… he had a bloody fustratig game huh

    but who’s your money on for the clash over the weekend

  • tat

    24 April, 2008 at 14:30 pm

    it saw a truck muroad and wanted to commit suicide

  • Galadriel

    24 April, 2008 at 14:45 pm
  • Galadriel

    24 April, 2008 at 14:49 pm

    I cant wait for the history books.

  • Galadriel

    24 April, 2008 at 14:52 pm

    LOL, Sounds like ‘You know what, f**k it. Just bring them back. CAn’t be asked. Aint got time for all this BS’ (in mandarin of course).

  • Joe Black

    24 April, 2008 at 15:03 pm

    Hollow victory. They’re called direct flights, bitches. Woot? The materiel will come in anyway, hook or crook. C’est la vie.

    Truck? Road? tat? (/me plays dumb-fuck)

  • Galadriel

    24 April, 2008 at 15:08 pm

    What I find puzzling is who is preventing the movement if there isn’t a crisis?

  • dhlaks

    24 April, 2008 at 15:37 pm

    erm which movement…

    the only reason they are pullin the ship back is to placate big bad sam… i mean they have a bad enuff human rights record without addin our ‘human rights crisis’ to their record

  • Galadriel

    24 April, 2008 at 16:20 pm

    Yeah but WHAT CRISIS? πŸ˜‰

    I meant movement of ammo and stuff across SA to that place where there ain’t not crisis.

  • dhlaks

    24 April, 2008 at 17:01 pm

    welll what if it was actually legitemate business??? you ever think of that… i mean how long does it take a cargo ship to travel from china to sa??

  • ravizim

    24 April, 2008 at 17:53 pm

    To put it in rude, plain, unpalatable words Ò€” true patriotism, real patriotism: loyalty not to a Family and a Fiction, but a loyalty to the Nation itself!

    …”Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medievel, outworn, obsolete; that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.” Mark Twain

    ………..simple

  • Galadriel

    24 April, 2008 at 18:56 pm

    dhlaks, there is still the possibility someone knew that their time was up long before people started voting. May have made an order then which may actually have been to late. Maybe they were supposed to arrive before the elections started, ready to make some damage at the polls or after the result came. In fact, maybe the reason the decision is being held is coz there ain’t no arms to enforce whatever the powers that be come up with. And by the way, this line of convo is boring me now so consider this the last time I try and get this across, “THESE ARMS COMING UP WHEN THEY DID IS NOT JUST A COINCIDENCE” and “PATIENCE IS VIRTUE AND PEOPLE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN THE TIME COMES AND IT AIN’T GOT NUTTIN TO DO WITH BEING WIMPS”. So D, until you change the record, we are done. Over and out.

  • Joe Black

    24 April, 2008 at 19:07 pm

    Dhlaks, don’t be a dork. Wasn’t that shipment dispatched on 1 April?

  • Galadriel

    24 April, 2008 at 20:00 pm

    JOE! πŸ™‚

  • Ms Joseph

    24 April, 2008 at 20:40 pm

    And I was so naive as to think there’d be fair do’s at this election… I heard there’s tankers on the road already – how true is this?

  • Joe Black

    25 April, 2008 at 07:34 am

    It’s all rumour again. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I’m dodging bullets.

  • Eleanor

    25 April, 2008 at 09:09 am

    http://www.mg.co.za/articlePage.aspx?articleid=337716&area=/insight/insight__africa/

    Stories like this give me hope for the continent yet. Can you imagine any of our erudite ministers voluntarily jumping. And not because they are short on scandals.

  • Beezam

    25 April, 2008 at 10:44 am

    This is facebook in disguise. Funny stories Black. The weekend beckons. Please keep us entertained.

  • dhlaks

    25 April, 2008 at 11:17 am

    JB i aint been following it as closely as you have apparently… please supply the dorks amongst us with the relevant links as to the ships
    date of departure from china…
    date the cargo was loaded onto the ship
    course it sailed
    ports it berthed in please

  • Joe Black

    25 April, 2008 at 13:38 pm

    LOL fuck of dhlaks, haha. Gotcha.

    Beezam ko shaz, PE Fest what’s the what? Reckon I’ll go visit tomorrow.

  • Joe Black

    25 April, 2008 at 13:45 pm

    Welcome to Zimbabwe

    http://www.news24.com/News24/Africa/Zimbabwe/0,,2-11-1662_2312303,00.html

  • dhlaks

    25 April, 2008 at 14:45 pm

    meh… another day in zim

  • Anonymous

    25 April, 2008 at 14:45 pm

    further proof that israel is the evil spwan of satan
    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/apr/25/israelandthepalestinians

  • Joe Black

    25 April, 2008 at 15:15 pm

    Another day in Palestine. Repression knows no bounds.

  • Anonymous

    25 April, 2008 at 15:50 pm

    stop complaining. conflicts/controversy keep us ticking

  • Joe Black

    25 April, 2008 at 16:27 pm

    Who’s complaining? laugh-a-minute, my friend.

  • Ms Joseph

    25 April, 2008 at 16:32 pm

    Hehe, Anonymous is bitter.

    Anyway, re75: that’d be nice wouldn’t it? Although the shock’d probably send us all insane. Where you been El?

  • Anonymous

    25 April, 2008 at 16:57 pm

    PE fest? you goin for the rugger of for some young ass?

  • Joe Black

    25 April, 2008 at 16:59 pm

    I plead the Fifth Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of Ameria (look it up).

    For those under any illusions:

    http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/News/0,,2-7-1442_2312407,00.html

  • Joe Black

    25 April, 2008 at 17:01 pm

    But okay, seriusly. You’re an illegal immigrant, and you go protest at an embassy? Asi mari yebhazi yapera? Needed a free lift home, perhaps?

    Zimbos! I love you all.

  • Anonymous

    25 April, 2008 at 17:13 pm

    Its the principle. Standing up for what you believe in and expressing your feelings whatever the cost. They made a satement damn it!

    …unfortunately it just wasnt intended statement, nor the smartest

  • Eleanor

    25 April, 2008 at 18:01 pm

    Ms Joseph, I was licking my wounds after JB labelled me ‘dumb’.

    Anyone doing HIFA this year?

  • dhlask

    27 April, 2008 at 09:33 am

    HIFA yeah maybe after the game on wed….

    probably after the LAN on sat also

    oh and well done blues… make the league interestin y dont ya πŸ˜€

  • Joe Black

    27 April, 2008 at 10:20 am

    I’m doing HIFA. Every day. You know how I do. FreshlyGround? Uh, yeah baby.

  • Eleanor

    28 April, 2008 at 06:14 am

    The black chick in Freshlyground is so hot (well in my book anyway, I would shag her). I love her voice! Her and that chick from Bongo Maffin have such tude, I am like McDonalds on those chicks: loving it.

  • Joe Black

    28 April, 2008 at 07:51 am

    Ooooh. I just saw it. Visual. Hehehe.

  • Beezam

    28 April, 2008 at 10:17 am

    Hifa everyday. Festival was alright. This is not a blog – it’s social networking.

  • Ms Joseph

    28 April, 2008 at 12:35 pm

    I’m wit you on that El, only just met FreshlyGround but always knew Thandiswa. Heavy.

  • Joe Black

    28 April, 2008 at 20:30 pm

    Hey Zams, you see a little community building up in here? That’s a good thing innit? See you at HIFA.

    Sha, so it sounds like Freshlyground are sold out.

  • Minnie Mouse

    5 May, 2008 at 08:37 am

    black chic from freshly ground hot??….her voice is amazing yes but off the camera the woman is scruffy!!!

  • Joe Black

    7 May, 2008 at 10:14 am

    She’s an artist! It’s expected lol.

  • Ms Joseph

    7 May, 2008 at 12:23 pm

    That’s the appeal of her. She’s organic.

  • Shang

    16 May, 2008 at 18:13 pm

    Best blog ever

  • joeblackzw

    27 March, 2013 at 12:10 pm

    @rangamberi @jessiedendere LOL I remember this from 2008; Why did the chicken cross the road? http://t.co/sQwzwzghrV #Twimbos

  • rangamberi

    27 March, 2013 at 12:23 pm

    RT @joeblackzw: @rangamberi @jessiedendere LOL I remember this from 2008; Why did the chicken cross the road? http://t.co/sQwzwzghrV #Tw …

  • ResurrectZim

    27 March, 2013 at 13:10 pm

    β€œ@joeblackzw LOL I remember this from 2008; Why did the chicken cross the road? http://t.co/lDtAtLSmSP #Twimbos”