Black vs White

(with apologies to KV)

White folk
Black folk
Ever since she got married, she’s let herself go! She must be stressed out. Kubva paakaroorwa azosimba. Saka arikuchengetwa!
You’ve lost weight, you look great! You’ve lost weight, kasi urikurwara?
They must be doing well, holidaying in Switzerland. They’re doing well, kutenga Pajero. Even ma suits aarikupfeka. Phone yake wambiona here?
You’ve eaten enough honey, remember your cholesterol. Idya ugosimba.
White girlfriend: ‘is my azz fat?’ Best answer: NO! Black girlfriend: ‘is my azz fat?’ Answer: hell yeah!
That’s her husband’s whore, the home wrecker! Ndivo amainini, small house yacho ka.
Phone call: ‘Hello, I hope I didn’t catch you at the wrong time’. Phone call: ‘shaa ndifonere, handina eyatime’.
He is intelligent. Kakangwarisa.
He is an extrovert. Kakavhengeredza.
He is strong. Ibhinya chairo.
He is an introvert. Rakazungaira.
She is sexy. Ipfambi.
They are kind. Vanedzvene.
She is a slow learner. Idofo.
He loves his wife very much. Akadyiswa.
She is a traditional wife. Nderekumaruzevha.

28 Replies to “Black vs White”

  1. How would the Black folk translate “She’s so vain” ?

    So sorry to deface your new post AC, had to just mention for all who wish to address me in future, the name is Ms Joseph – without the R (ref comment 27 ‘Harry Potter Spoilers’).

    Whilst I’m at it, the scopes of the PDA stretch as far as the term ‘public’.

    Oh, and Tino – sorry dude, that song was not about you.

  2. Well if we downgrade she’s so vain, to she takes pride in herself, the equivalent would be anozvinzwa sugar stereki. or whatever the shona would be for ‘I know you like to think your s**t dont stink’

  3. re: Post 4 and 5, your site is way way much cooler (I bring a certain air of pizzazz and panache to this gig.) LOL.

    aside: is it a sign of raging vanity that I laugh at my own jokes? Or just deep seated insecurity? Sigh, so many questions.

  4. Ms J, if a tree falls in a forest and there is no one to hear it make a sound, does it in fact make a sound?

    Kuvherengdzera (typo on my part) is being a smart aleck. My Shona (pronounced Shown-er) is not kosher. I got an 8 for ZJC Shona (goes to show how old I am vamwe vedu tainyora ZJC AND get it marked on time)

  5. Lol. Thank God I didn’t have to do Shona ZJC. Imagine the incompetence.

    I meant if one person (amongst others) makes a joke and laughs at it, is the joke a) funny but no-one else got it, or b) not funny cuz only the teller laughed?

  6. It’s all a matter of opinions isn’t it? There is no universal “funny”, neither is a joke’s funniness a result of democratic process.

    If I think it’s funny, it is. If you do, it is. Similarly, if someone else doesn’t, it’s not. Zvirikwauri

  7. Going back to the humour thing, extending the line of this argument, is cheating cheating if you dont know that you are in fact cheating? Can ignorance really be used as a defense? I ask in light of Barry Bonds’ 756th home run. Granted he was accused of using steroids, but he has never tested positive for them, so is this a case of guilty till proven innocent. Kinda like a sporting OJ?

  8. 15. Tino | August 8th, 2007 at 08:39 am

    Joe I saw your mate Arthur Mutambara on the BBC, all bluster and balls without saying anything.

    watched mutambara on hardtalk as well, i think he was way better than Tsvangirai!!

  9. aChic, Bonds is the greatest hitter in baseball history. People accuse him all they want, but he’s tested regularly and randomly like everyone else, and he’s always proved clean. Does an allegation make a crime?

    Tino, Yigga – that guy is a fool, whining about “our colleagues” all the time, instead of keeping his eye on the prize! Fucking idiot.

  10. I have never been and never will be a ZANU PF supporter, but the thought of those MDC clowns running the show makes my blood run cold. How do you turn around and call for sanctions against your own people just to ‘fix’ one man? Whatever happened to the greater good for the greater number. Madness I tell you.

  11. This was late 2001 early 2002:

    Morgan Tsvangirai’s call for South Africa to impose sanctions against Zimbabwe is in strong contrast to the position of both our southern neighbour and the former colonial power. In the very same broadcast in which Tsvangirai was elaborating on how South Africa could easily impose such sanctions, the British Foreign Office reiterated its earlier position that it could not favour such a policy since this would hurt the majority of the Zimbabwean population. Likewise, Tsvangirai’s statement this week has only provoked the South African authorities into yet another reiteration that they are opposed to the policy of sanctions, in favour of ‘quiet diplomacy’.

    Reliable sources at our disposal confirm that the South African, British and European Union officials on the Zimbabwe desks are acutely embarrassed at Tsvangirai’s gaffe.

    “If only he had limited himself to smart sanctions as some of us in the EU have consistently done!”, exclaims one of my colleagues in Brussels.

    Indeed, for most Zimbabweans the threat of sanctions has been so remote until Morgan Tsvangirai brought the danger to their very door step this week. Such were his words during the BBC interview on Monday this week: “The threat to undermine the elections by the military, by President Mugabe himself, should actually send shock waves to South Africa and say, under those circumstances, we are going to cut fuel, we are going to cut transport links.

    “Those kind of measures, even if they are implemented at a low level, send the right signals” As I stated earlier, it is a shame for Tsvangirai that even the neighbour he is calling upon to take such drastic action against his own country should seek to educate the opposition leader about both pan-Africanism and the folly of sanctions. As South Africa’s Deputy Foreign Minister, Aziz Pahad, stated when reiterating that his country would never opt for sanctions against its neighbour, which is its major trading partner in the region, “we’ve been working at this for a long time, trying to convince people, that what is called (for is) quiet diplomacy.

  12. ZANU PF is not really top of the world right now, but MDC are such pansies! One fears we are walking into the stocks and chaining ourselves voluntarily – asking to be oppressed again way after we’ve been freed.

  13. Uhm, I still don’t see a quote where Morgan called for sanctions against us (the people).

    Prove, sister!

    Babes, even if we’re chaining ourselves to the stocks I’d rather it be on my terms than to have no choice. Andy Tee will testify about VOTING!

  14. Query: Back to the original topic, do Zim blokes still fancy the fuller (slightly chubby, definitely not slim, definitely soft to the touch, eg a less tones Beyonce) the slender (not a lump out of place, with some feminine though muscular definition, obvously not skinny eg Halle Berry) and all or is it now figure? Would like to know what my chances will be if I ever find myself back there. Used to be too small (getting comments like legs too small generally too skinny) back in the day but am no longer sure what makes the cut now. 🙂

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