As you take a break from the links to pretend you love your family, I would like to offer my humble thanks for approaching the field of adultery with all the zeal and determination with which you approach the sport of golf.
It takes a special kind of talent, the world-changing, once-in-a-lifetime kind of talent, to sink your penis into 15 skinny white bitches, of whom not one has ever met a camera she wouldn’t whore her shit for. There’s only one word for that, sir – “Wow”.
I know you wish these whores had kept their mouths (unlike their legs) firmly shut, but I want you to know that I am not surprised the white people are coming after you. What, you thought it was gonna last? You thought you’d be the one black man to get away with beating the white man at his own game? Really?
As for the adultery, I’m a grown up, and your whoring it up like a sailor on shore leave is none of my business. What gets me is that you whored it up with skanks who all look like carnival versions of your wife, and that’s just sad, dude.
And you married a model, you stupid fuck.
Anyway, have fun getting back in her bed, and I hope to see you back on the course, turning shit out like only you can, my man.
Sorry I couldn’t get in touch sooner.
Your nigger friend.