Release the Cracken!

Gather round, girls – let me talk to you real quick.

Now, there’s some fashion trends we’ve seen over the years, and I’m sure we’ll all glad they’re over. Shit like Afro wigs (are you kidding me?), thigh-high boots (are you a stripper?) and, probably the worst ever … showing your thong.

I don’t know how this started, but I’m glad sanity (or a strong pimp hand) prevailed and made y’all stop showing us your goddamn underwear. The whale-tail is extinct, and that’s one species humanity will not miss.

Anyway. Now that the Scud & Nanny has decided to morph into a seedy tavern during the Rugby Bar’s hiatus, we “kegulars” have had occasion to view a creature we rarely observe in its natural habitat.

The Common Juvenile Slutbag, or as it’s known by the scientific term Anus Horribilis.

This particular Bird of You-Better-Pray can be identified by her plumage, which usually involves low-slung jeans (in a primary color) showing a large amount of butt-crack.

Now, your garden-variety slut-bag doesn’t always display the crack. But the crack usually indicates your garden-variety slut-bag.

Yes, I said that – if you’re displaying your ass-crack in a bar, you look like a whore.

If its accidental, that shit gets fixed straight away, cos if you’re a lady, nobody’s gonna let you sit there with half your anus hanging out the back of your pants.

Also, if you’re a lady, I’m sure the gentle breeze up your nethers should indicate that you have either faulty plumbing, or the gorilla has left the enclosure.

And you fix it.

Your asscrack isn’t sexy. It isn’t enticing. It’s weird and nasty and reminds us of poop.

Keep it hidden girl. Find your pride. Shit, find some underwear.

Just please, whatever you do, when you come to the Scud …

… don’t show your asscrack, okay?

Your face is bad enough.

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