Queen Eleanor’s Foreign Affairs

So, I managed to pull my finger out and got myself to Hong Kong for the rugby (the promise of firm male flesh on abundant display being the main draw) and as an eager student, I learned many things in my short stay on the island:

– sex paraphernalia should not be sold on street corners. it takes all the fun out of furtively walking behind some see-through curtain and guiltily trying not to eye the size of other customers purchases.
– it’s a pity chickens only have 2 wings. I cannot believe that science has failed to effectively market a 6- or 8-winged chicken for the food industry. K-K-K-K-K-K-FC anyone?
– my mind has been cleared of the notion that all Asian women put fashion ahead of comfort. thank you All Stars for penetrating the market.
– the person who said that money can’t buy you happiness clearly had no experience in a corporate stand at a major sports event.
– turns out that ‘it’s a small world after all’ is not just a childish, simplistic Scripture Union song. it definitely is a small small world.
– do not use words like ‘itinerant’ to describe yourself to people you’ve just met. they won’t thank you for it.
– Americans do in fact believe that there is a language called American. and apparently there is another one called Argentinian.
– your bladder is only as weak as how many people you have to brush up against to get to the bathroom.
– Cindy Lauper should have sung the less PC version ‘White people just wanna have fun’ because there are some seriously crazy white folk out there.
– DJ Forbes is the most delicious pair of thighs out there. and I have seen the Richie McCaw and Dan Carter version of events.
– forget love or money, alcohol is the lubricant that keeps the world turning. it’s why those Muslims are always so angry, sit down, relax, have a drink mate.
– being black should be considered a handicap when travelling in Asia. you do realise that I can see you standing there staring and pointing. at least monkeys in the zoo get peanuts and bananas thrown at them.
– packing light is a seemingly alien concept if the Japanese airport security staff’s incredulity at my solitary backpack is anything to go by.
– home is where I lay my be-weaved head, just as long as there is a computer and internet access.
– people will laugh at anything, you just have to say it right.
– jungle fever produces some seriously good-looking offspring.
– Zimbabweans are floaters, there’s no keeping them down no matter the pressure.
– they say a fool is born every minute. a conman every 30 seconds. so there is a lot of money parting ways.
– 3 days is not as long as it seems when you have 46 games to cover.
– the Hong Kong Chinese are more interested in saving the planet than their Japanese counterparts. at 50c a plastic bag there is no horror on their faces when you  refuse one, instead often quipping ‘yes, planet long life!’
– the sexual revolution might have happened but it’s still too easy for women to be labelled sluts for committing the heinously unpardonable sin of enjoying sex.
– tree trunk thighs + little shorts + 46 games a very satisfied Eleanor makes. although it must be noted that I am also easily pleased.
– English must rank as the most mangleworthy language on the planet. anyone for some ‘fragrant prick meat’?

I didn’t get to do much touristy stuff. but photos will follow shortly.

Update: Photos, anyone?

Published byEleanor

Tired of all the nonsense. When will the madness end.

22 Comments

  • Joe Black

    30 March, 2010 at 10:41 am

    I’m jealousy! How could you go to the Hong Kong Sevens while-ist I am stuck here in Afrika? Saaaaaa.

    And … fragrant prick meat?!?

  • vimbai

    30 March, 2010 at 10:43 am

    Soooooooooooo jealous sha! Can’t wait to see the pics. I can see Looking East is still high on everyone’s agenda 🙂

    PS: Pity you’re a dude, was gonna ask whether the shopping is as decent as they say in Hong Kong?

  • klooless

    30 March, 2010 at 11:40 am

    Am i Missing something! Oh my daze! Eleanor you are a dude?????

  • Joe Black

    30 March, 2010 at 12:11 pm

    Vimbai WTF? How is “Eleanour” a dude’s name? Holy shit, you think it’s ME that went to Hong Kong? BWAHAHAHAHA just shows you didn’t read the nyaya!

  • vimbai

    30 March, 2010 at 13:09 pm

    *blushing* My bad eleanor…now the penny’s dropping. I just assumed it was Joe being funny about something. Hehehehe, now i’m seriously laughing at my stupidity…but now you can answer my question, how is the shopping on that side?

  • Joe Black

    30 March, 2010 at 13:24 pm

    Humility … impressive.

  • vimbai

    30 March, 2010 at 13:40 pm

    your tone is suspect Joe!

  • Joe Black

    30 March, 2010 at 14:24 pm

    Not even, I’m pretty sincere. I’m not calling you blonde or anything! It was an honest mistake, you didn’t read the story, you didn’t check the byline … it happens 🙂

  • eleanor

    30 March, 2010 at 15:06 pm

    vimbai, i think we would have to organise some kind of intervention if jb had developed some sudden fetish for men’s thighs. starting with kicking him out of the scud and nanny.

  • Moffat Hamilton Gama

    30 March, 2010 at 15:14 pm

    Joe…….I enjoy your nyayaz…….keep it up Bro…..u the man!

  • Mos_Native

    30 March, 2010 at 16:55 pm

    JB should have gone, then we could have feedback on whether Hong Kong girls really “love you long time”.

  • Joe Black

    30 March, 2010 at 20:16 pm

    Believe me, I wish had gone to Hong Kong, cos the rugby was good. And where the FOCUS should be …

  • Eleanor

    1 April, 2010 at 06:49 am

    if it was just the rugby people were meant to focus on, where would they slot in all those scantily clad girls they insist on wheeling out every so often? since they won’t parade any half-clad men, I will take my kicks where i can get em.

  • Mos_Native

    1 April, 2010 at 09:09 am

    Oh, those rugby cheerleaders in their skimpy shorts and muffin tops are worth half the ticket price 🙂

  • Joe Black

    1 April, 2010 at 12:42 pm

    Only half?

  • Mos_Native

    2 April, 2010 at 16:47 pm

    Fair enough. Busted.
    I pay the full match fee to watch those nubile stormers belles – and Im also vaguely aware of some men running around after a ball in the background.

    Speaking things rugby, The Dan Carter is in my neck of the plantation in a couple weeks and I am SO juiced up to watch The Dan cross kicking and the Habana catching and counter-attacking 🙂

  • Joe Black

    3 April, 2010 at 19:36 pm

    BWAHAHAHAHA The Dan!

  • Eleanor

    5 April, 2010 at 13:31 pm

    moving aside from things rugby, JB, I am interested in your thoughts about Obama’s healthcare success, albeit temporary if the GOP have anything to do with it.

  • Joe Black

    7 April, 2010 at 16:53 pm

    I’ll have a crack at it … my views are surprisingly extreme though.

  • Mos Native

    7 April, 2010 at 23:36 pm

    Obamacare is a pyrrhic victory. Those republicans are heartless shits.

  • Joe Black

    8 April, 2010 at 09:32 am

    Actually, it’s a huge win. And no, the Rethuglicans won’t gain any milage in the elections because of it, and they wouldn’t dare repeal it even if they did.

    People will see past the lies, and once more and more peeps suddenly have access to fucking help, they’ll be like whoa, this is good shit.

    Wait a few months and see how many Rethuglicans are bragging about certain things they managed to get into the bill.

    It’s not enough, and it’s not perfect, and of course Obama lied through his teeth during the campaign about what he’d give the people, and insurance giants stand to make a killing, but this is huge.

    And the Dems can only gain from this.

  • Anti capitalist mantra

    8 April, 2010 at 15:58 pm

    The Obama verbosity fireworks serve to distract the audience from the intellectual poverty inherent in Obamacare