Onward Christian Hypocrites

Yes, I’m the heathen.

I’m the non-believer, the damned, the unrepentant Satanist.

Why is it, then, that I’m the one who doesn’t cheat? Why am I the one who doesn’t regularly go whoring and carousing without a care for the wife (or girlfriend, or husband) at home?

Why am I the one declining constant offers to go “hunting” and hanging out with “teams” and meeting all these “young ones”?

According to your (self-confessed, oft-professed) doctrine, YOU should always be counselling ME from doing all this sinful bullshit, but that’s not the case.

I just maintain my erection observer status, and watch y’all Christians go about your business. You’re the ones entertaining random fools, knowing full well you’re married. You’re the ones going around in stripper-wear, offering numbers and dates and blowjobs (in no particular order).

It’s cool with me, just please, stop coming round me talking like you ain’t a ho, telling me I need White Jesus.

Physician, heal thyself.