Mass Protests Over HIFA

Riot police have fired water cannon to disperse thousands of anti-government protesters in a black man’s body in Harare today.

Thousands gathered in and around the body’s head, where a protest against government plans had been scheduled to take place, to call for sweeping changes after the far-reaching pollution scandal.

“Everywhere there is pollution, everywhere there is corruption,” protesters chanted whilst pounding the cranium with sledge-hammers: “We have had enough of this shit.”

The storm has been torched (giggle) by recent events involving HIFA 2014, with the government allegedly engaging in nefarious activities with no regard for regular citizens.

The body has been continously bombarded with pollutants, including copious amounts of Black Label whisky, a large gulp of red wine, a dainty sip of Savanna Dry and uncountable cigarettes.

Unrest has actually turned violent in the lower regions, with the feet leading the assault against the establishment. Their main complaint has been the forced labour of walking between venues, and having to dance until 0200hrs every single day.

A spokesman for the protesters, Comrade Liver Deliver, said his region was receiving particularly harsh punishment.

“My region is receiving particularly harsh punishment, and we do not know what we have done to deserve this”.

Reached at his office earlier today, the head of government declined comment, stating that he was busy with plans for Black Bazar later today irregardless of what the masses think.

A pair of trousers clearly labelled “Ndombolo” was seen being delivered, and reporters were quickly ushered out of the building.

We will update you as the story develops.