Admire Taderera sucks at his job

The crucial Zimbabwe versus Mali soccer match yesterday was ruined for me, by one man and his sidekick.

Admire Taderera was doing the TV “commentary”, and he did the shoddiest job I’ve ever witnessed. Yes, worse than Charles Mabika’s … orgiastic performance when Okocha came to town. It was that bad.

First and foremost, I thought the commentator’s first responsibility was to inform, not to cheer-lead! Your job is to tell me what’s going on, with a little insight and technical nuance, otherwise where’s your value?

If I wanna hear whining and cheering and whining and yelling at players, I’ll go down to the Scud and Nanny. I want you to talk about formations, players’ strengths … details that I’d otherwise miss if I watched it on mute.

And seriously, what’s this Zimbabwean fascination with nicknames? I mean, who the feck is “Duduza” anyway? ZBC didn’t bother informing us on-screen about the substitute, and you didn’t ONCE say his real name, Edward Sadomba. That is your job!

You don’t sound cool going “Father”, “Duduza”, “Captain” all game long – I’m watching with my Mrs, and not everyone knows who the feck these people are. Hell, is it REALLY that hard to simply use the players’ names?

YOU SOUND STUPID!

And please, though I am anything but a Language Nazi, would it kill you to have an “analyst” who can speak the bloody English he’s trying to use? There’s no point in someone who stammers and struggles to translate his thoughts into words, cos by the time you’re done taking your sip of water, Admire, the moment has passed and he’s missed his shot. Is this rocket science, ZBC?

All in all, congratulations to our Warriors, but to be honest I enjoyed the game not because of your commentary, but despite it.

What happened to Lovemore Banda? Kana iye hake Charlie wacho?

Cos you, Admire Taderera, suck at this.