Escaped African Lion Slain By Unwitting Dentist

Notorious Hwange Lion, Who Was No Angel, Dies After Harrowing 40-hour Bush Chase

A flamboyant lion named Cecil, who was infamous for his disdainful approach to white tourists, was recently brought to justice. 

Described variously as famous, infamous and notorious, #CecilTheLion was a thug well known for his love of raw, uncooked animal flesh.

Police sources, who cannot be named because they are not cleared to speak to the media, indicated that Cecil met his end after tracking an innocent American dentist out of the Hwange National Park.

Reports indicate that after the initial altercation, in which a hungry Cecil was reportedly tearing the flesh of an innocent animal carcas, the infamous lion led authorities on a forty-hour pursuit through the African bush.

Grim details are just beginning to emerge of how, armed with ferocious canines capable of tearing unwitting dentists in half, Cecil tracked hunters all the way out of the confines of his prison complex, Hwange National Park, with the intent to fulfil his untamed cravings for meat.

The hunters, possibly fearing for their lives, resorted to firing at the notorious Cecil with rudimentary weapons, eventually driving him off with an arrow through the side.

Although unarmed at the time, Cecil allegedly had a long and storied history of violently tearing flesh with his teeth.

Law enforcement authorities had resorted to fitting him with a GPS tracker to monitor his movements.

A source close to the investigation has revealed how Cecil had a troubled upbringing, having been raised in the harsh and unforgiving African bush without a father figure. Whether this may have contributed to his thuggish behaviour, we will never know.

A leaked version of Cecil’s autopsy has revealed traces of the highly intoxicating and addictive Marula fruit on his paws.

Although toxicology reports are yet to reveal what influences he may have been under, if any, Marula is known to cause elephants to collapse when consumed in large quantities. 

The natives of that part of Africa are known to ferment marula fruits into a highly potent concotion named Amarula, which has been responsible for numerous pregnancies and STDs since its introduction to the indigenous population.

Terrorism and wildlife experts speculate that the traces of Marula may implicate Cecil In the poisoning of many Hwange elephants recently.

Said an unnamed terrorism expert, “Marula is a fruit that elephants like, and we are wondering where a lion would have got traces of the fruit.”

Authorities are said to be investigating every angle.

The unwitting dentist is said to be in good health despite this harrowing ordeal, and has gone into hiding following death threats and social media harassment by extremists.

Police are also said to be monitoring the menacing twitter hashtag #AnimalLivesMatter for any signs of impending riots.

More details as they come in.

6 Replies to “Escaped African Lion Slain By Unwitting Dentist”

  1. LOL @ #animallivesmatter. AND he was a black animal (well, black mane) so doubly #blackanimallivesmatter

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