There there now, it’s nothing but a fall off the wagon

Did you read the one where Joe Black was too happy to complain? We had a Gratefulness Fest for such things as Cyanide & Happiness, the Russian sausage and MJB da MVP. Particularly fascinating was JB’s gratefulness for a loving girlfriend. It’s always nice to know someone ain’t tired of your crap. For then.

On the beautiful morning of June the 4th I was greeted by yet another of my love’s pop quizzes. “Guess what I did for you today?” he asked. It definitely wasn’t going to be a bouquet (I can’t say I’m really crazy about flowers) but believe me, when I realised what it was, I almost wished for a bunch of roses. Almost. Thus began the 40 days and 40 nights of abstinence from smoke and alcohol. Oh boy.

It was inevitable that attention would be drawn to the woman who, as Tino so nicely put it, has had such a profound effect on him. Rightly so perhaps. I suppose people don’t really go about making such bold statements for casual lovers. Honestly, I am delighted that he decided to try the frozen chicken thing. Cold turkey is difficult enough without subtracting the “social lubricant” too.

I have to admit though, I was a little freaked out about the publicity of it all, virtual as it may be. No offence intended, but I’m sure you will agree that there is nothing like a crowd to complicate simple matters between couples.

This was never meant to be a test of our love. However, it garnered a reconnaissance of factors apparently leading to that destination. What began as a voluntary principled act [cough], soon morphed into a bet, and eventually re-emerged as some sort of examination. Does JB love his woman enough to override his favourite vices? Can he muster sufficient willpower to go against his own desire? For a woman?!

The coin can be flipped over though. Hanging somewhere in the air is the question of unconditional love. Does JB’s woman love him enough to live with his vices? After all, it’s not like she was ignorant of them in the beginning. In the possible event of failure, to what would the bill be charged – Joe’s head or his heart?

40 days on, JB has smoked on two occasions, though apparently not enjoyably. On Day 38, with the finish line like a steak in a hound’s nostrils, he succumbed to the enticing voice of the green bottle shouting You know you want to!!! And it was over.

I was a little disappointed, but felt I had no license to be since we all agreed it was never really about me. You all heard the man say he would have done it anyway. Don’t get me wrong, I truly do not advocate either of these vices, but this decision was his. I was good for motivation and support.

And what reams of poetry do you think my love churned out as I silently contemplated the effects of this journey? “Okay, so finally, after much agonising, I stumbled at the finish line. Now you can write that post for the blog and mail it to me.”

How’s that for ‘I love you’.