Agony Aunty Elle to the rescue…..

From my observations in the recent past of my male peers, it seems to me that a lot of them are in need of some reeducation on the point of the female psyche. I do believe it was Andy who earlier pointed out that he’s never yet been with a woman who did not need to be told he loved her before he could gain access (and I’m guessing it was limited access at that!).

Let me start by saying that most of you are going to be dealing with the 99% of women who have not read THE BOOK, and therefore are not enlightened. Trust me when I say that this will open up many, many avenues.

First point is this: when you tell a woman that you love her, you are essentially painting yourself into a corner no larger than a square inch, that will cause you more headaches than the few awkward gropings that she will have indulged you are worth. What you need to tell her is this: that you are afraid of commitment and that you are afraid to fall in love because you are afraid of being hurt. That you may not love her yet, but that you are prepared to try.

Second point, women will not accept truths that are unpalatable to them. So when you have told her this, her brain cannot accept the fact that you could possibly be inured to her charms, and what she will hear is that ‘it was only all the other women before her that you were afraid to commit to and could not fall in love with, and she could be the one to change all that.’

If she’s anything like any of the women I know, she will then literally bend over backwards to ensure that she keeps you happy, and will entertain almost all demands (of course this would be the appropriate time to test any boundaries). All women love a lost cause and a bad boy, it brings out the reformer of missionary zeal in them. Women always want to believe that they can change a man to suit their needs and purpose.

How many women do you know who knowingly go into a relationship with a man who they know to be involved elsewhere, but hang around endlessly in the hope that like Saul on the road to Damascus, he will one day see the light and see her for the nubian goddess that she believes herself to be.

Which brings me to my third point: because you have now told her the truth about how you are not in love with her, and have made her no promises, it makes it that much easier to leave. She has no recourse for complaint, as they say in the fine print ‘the judge’s decision is final and no correspondence shall be entered into’. You can thank her for any services that she may have rendered, but she needs to get a-packing and get a-stepping. Of every 100 women that you come into contact with, this will undoubtedly work on 99 of them. I have that much faith in the general gullibility of my female counterparts.

So go forth and multiply; a word to the wise, do not try to change this winning formula. Stick to the plot and the results will speak for themselves. If not, I will chop off my dreadlocks, fry them in butter and eat them one by one.