Julia Roberts would have nothing on me

In my not so numerous dealings with black men, a phenomenon manifests itself inevitably, when within a few short minutes of meeting them, they utter the words ‘I love you’. Now if you want me to break out in hives, and run screaming into the hills, this is probably the best way to do it.

For those of you who may have watched Julia Roberts in ‘Runaway bride’, she could not hold a torch to how fast I can scarper into the middle distance at the sound of these chilling utterations. Granted one looks for the most surefire way to guarantee a shag, and I’m sure with a lot of women it undoubtedly works (why change a winning formula and all that), but that’s a sad indictment on black women then.

If all it takes to get them on their back (or for the more adventurous, on all fours)is just to hear the words ‘I love you’. Lust is a concept I’m very familiar with, and am more than happy to indulge. Don’t waste my time by telling me that you love me, what can you possibly love within 5 minutes of meeting me. Life would be so much easier if people were just open about what it is that they wanted, and were out for. Please someone tell me why these shenanigans continue?

To compound the issue, once you dump her (which inevitably happens because like the ‘love thunderbolt’ that would initially have struck, it’s all over in a flash of lightning) you have a bunny boiler on your hands who won’t take no for an answer. Who won’t stop calling. And won’t stop texting you. And won’t stop making demands of you. And won’t stop reminding you of how good you once were, and could be.

And six months down the line she is still stalking all the places that you frequented in happier times. So is it worth the hassle?

12 Replies to “Julia Roberts would have nothing on me”

  1. Uhm, whatever it takes to get down your chimney, so to speak, we will say. Hence the I love yous coming at ya!

    Ok honestly, I think it’s just a communication breakdown, he’s saying more “want” or “like”, but if I say “ndinokuda” and translate directly….well, the meaning just gets lost in translation.

  2. But it’s not just Shona men though. For those of you au fait with my recent past will know my infinite traumas at the hands of bruddaz nigerian!

  3. In Zim lingo, Santa did job this year. Came down my chimney and there will be no battery-powered toys in the sack this year!!

  4. No story here guys , lust is a heady experience; the brain goes on hold and red-hot surges of testosterone run the show. Lust — like love — is truly blind. This is why, especially at the beginning of a relationship, it can be hard to tell whether you’re in lust or love; whether she may be “The One,” or merely a passing fancy who’ll have your blood boiling for only a short while.

    This is because men are perfectly capable of engaging in sex before they forge emotional bonds with a woman — and those raging hormones can easily disguise themselves as feelings of love.(not defending the guys here … maybe this guys has really fallen for you in 5 minutes ..lol…)

    The real danger is that both lust and love can rob a man of his natural strength and defenses (true that )– and then it’s all too easy to hand his male power over to a woman for sex-ploitation .(new one iyi )

    Lust is especially dangerous because it causes a man to think with his crotch and throw all reason and logic to the wind.(its always been like that ) When a man’s in lust he doesn’t care if he and his partner have anything in common.(anenge achida kungoisa chate chete …. inonzi na Joe CORE BUSINESS ) He’s not interested in where she comes from or where she’s going.(TONGOISA) His brain is only focused on using his key to unlock the door to the secret cave.when all else fails The code to entering this forbiden cave is not “OPEN SESEMI ” but rather is is “SISTA ….I LOVE YOU “…iwe ovhura ghonhi isu TONGOISA …..lol…

  5. I now have this brother calling me 24/7. Just when I thought it was only women who couldn’t appreciate the concept of ‘one-off’.

  6. That’s the problem with natives: think shopping at Harrods of Knightsbridge, not Mutomba cash and carry in Machipisa. You want it to be a memorable experience, not a mundane routine chore.

  7. if the expereince was memorable, you cant blame the brother for wanting to experience it again…..maybe it wasnt a memorable experince for you then

Comments are closed.