Back in business, bitches

If the imagination is to transcend and transform experience it has to question, to challenge, to conceive of alternatives, perhaps to the very life you are living at that moment. You have to be free to play around with the notion that day might be night, love might be hate; nothing can be too sacred for the imagination to turn into its opposite or to call experimentally by another name.
— Adrienne Rich, “On Lies, Secrets and Silence”

It takes a long, long time to grow up. Just when you start to sort things out and make some progress toward maturity, inevitably someone wanders up and offers you a tequila shot or a sexy little coloured freak or a stuffed cooler-box, and before you know it you’re back at square one.

Eventually, though, these people die or go to Joburg, leaving you all alone to figure some things out, transfer some cash to the landlord, take a goddamn shower, etc. Finally, you feel calm and satisfied and secure – maybe for the first time in your whole life. You’ve done it! You’re a mature, responsible adult!

That’s when you notice that you’re really fucking old.

How did you get old? You were the one person on the face of the earth who was never going to age. How is it possible that you’re not “just a kid” like you used to be? No one calls you a kid anymore. Instead, they look at you with pity in their eyes. Why? Because you’re so fucking old, that’s why.

That’s when you have to make the hard decisions, right the old wrongs, bring the family closer, do the hard work.

And finally marry try again with the loyal, loving, long-suffering girlfriend.

I’ll show you how it’s done.

36 Replies to “Back in business, bitches”

  1. show us the way JB…I almost laughed my head off when one of our pals described your beer belly to me dude… They refered to it as an “attachment” its not your standard 2mb attachement but a sizeable 1gb attachment… Joe you have truely matured….All i can say now is that the hard work starts now…but i am sure you know dis!

  2. ok, dude …

    lets get this straight; you’ve been around the block, pondered over the ‘day might be night’ type stuff, gained maturity and wisdom from your three decades,

    AND THEN YOU STILL DECIDE TO GET MARRIED!!???

    WTF?

  3. Mos Native…surely getting a guarantee shag till death and other things do you part aint a bad thing….

  4. interesting piece there. very interesting piece. will be interested to see developments – yes that’s three interestings in two sentences.

  5. oh finish…hopefully you are not seeking the comfort of old shoes mate…you know by the time you wear a pair of shoes out they fit better. but it may just be best to get a new pair of shoes because when it rains you will know that the sole is gone.

  6. I am of the ‘better the devil you know school’. Really, at this age, who has time to start housebreaking a Pretty Young Thing of early 20-something. Those kids, flexible and nubile as they might be, are a fucking headache.

  7. No, it’s not about breaking in a new filly or anything … it’s about deciding whether what you’ve found is worth keeping, working out, working on.

    It’s about knowing the difference between love and fun … love can be fun, but fun usually doesn’t involve love. And since love always equals happiness, you choose love.

    Try follow that logic.

  8. ‘love always equals happiness’. clearly you haven’t been reading your Mills and Boon faithfully! πŸ™‚

  9. Joe, is this some kind of epiphany or it’s one of those moments where one finds great wisdom at the bottome of a beer/whiskey glass?

  10. I don’t know Joe. You’re still on the rebound. People on the rebound tend not to think clearly. The pair of you broke up for at least one reason. SPACE. I reckon you take this space as an opportunity to do some exploring. Date a little. Give it a year and several things can happen.

    1. You might realise that you indeed can not live without your ex, and if she still single and she feels the same way, SCORE
    2. You fall madly in love with someone else and come a year later, you cant imagine how much you thought you were in love with your ex and what a mistake you both were about to make
    3. the first scenario, only turns out she found THE ONE and is engaged or some such cant go back situations
    4. you’re still single but the second part to number two.

    I can think up a whole ass list of other possible scenarios, but the point I’m making is that you need to give it space and time. You need to stop being on the rebound before acting on what you are feeling right now. Agingwise, you ain’t 40 yet. 30 is nothing. Dunno why people make such a fuss. And for the record, I have no preference for any of the above scenarios. Can’t be easy for your ex to read any of the commentary on your situation and the last thing i want is for her to think people are taking sides, particularly the one that ain’t hers. Hate to sound like a cliche, but I kinda do want you to be happy, Joe. And careful with you wee heart. So just think about taking it easy. Take a step back. Take a breather.You’ll thank me later. πŸ™‚

    Too much?!

  11. Thank you Tara, for that long dissertation on how I feel and what I need.

    Firstly, I’m NOT on the rebound from anything. You have no idea the reasons we broke up. You have no clue how I feel about her. πŸ™‚

    The sentiments are appreciated, though, so I’ll take it under advisement … we’ll see how it works out.

    As for you Mangongs … I don’t drink beer! LOL

  12. i don’t understand. Joe breaks up with girlfriend (dedicated a few sonnets as i recall, trips to Bvumba etc), a week later he is with his other old long suffering girlfriend- whom he intents to marry (or nearly so). Joe must be extremely charming for women to put up with all this.

  13. RE: That second paragraph in your response to my dissertation, I can’t tell if your mad (in this case, sorry) or being sarcastic (THANK…GOD)? There’s like a million things going on in that paragraph. Looks like I’m getting my head bit off, but then there’s a smile.

    For the record, I thought I kinda had an idea how you feel about her, seeing as you lot were engaged and all and it wasn’t arranged or anything. Also judging by the latest posts, I was thinking the L-word, but… No, I don’t know the reasons for your break up, and I didn’t mean to imply I did. Finally, not on the rebound from anything? Okay.

  14. No, Tara, you’re right – it cant be easy for me to read all the things everyone is writing because it’s not, which is the reason why i’ve refrained from commenting on most of Joe’s posts until now to say this – nobody has the medicine for anyone’s situation but their own and while i appreciate that you all have your friend’s best interest at heart, i hope you all realize that neither of us wanted or expected to be where we are today.

  15. and a little sensitivity would be appreciated since you so obviously know that i would be reading all this

  16. Lol, smack them! But don’t worry baby, it’s a public forum, ignore anything u find insensitive.

    Tara, your comment was very presumptuous, so that wasn’t sarcasm πŸ™‚

  17. Moving on to slightly less contentious issues, well depending on your viewpoint actually, so Caster has been given the green light for her and her multiple genitalia to run. As a woman. Here’s to the next set of medals in London in twenty-twelve. πŸ™‚

  18. you should have let my long comment stay. alternatively post is as a thread. it’s important.

    The notion of a blog is interesting. You share your life and thoughts with the world and open yourself up for commentary. Don’t think that i could do that. I would focus on what I think not feel. But each to his own.

    My tuppence would be that you are both a in a very personal time and that it should remain as that – very personal time. So while outward declarations may appear important – you invite peeps to make their comments – silly or otherwise.

    Now that I have fallen off the horse, I wish you both th best in whatever decisions you make.

  19. Your long comment was too long, and I decide what’s important. I blog, that’s me, and we’re different I guess.

    I get your tuppence, and discard it, cos what I blog about is my choice, and people are free to comment as they see fit.

  20. Joe you are a knob! Sort your life out i.e stop drinking like a fish, get into the gym and show some emotion, cry if you have to, fight for love its worth it and get married to the lovely lady and live happily ever after.
    Tabloids and blogs are fueled by controversy, is that what you are doing by posting about your personal life coz you feel you are losing your audience…I doubt it. You are too good for that.
    I am done stroking your ego, Now pick yourself up boy and grow bigger balls! On to the next one me thinks….

  21. Hahahaha Luke, I don’t need to fuel controversy. My philosophy has always been that I write about what I want to, at that particular time. That will never change.

    Even if I end up with no hits at all, I’ll never change that. Besides, I’ve always posted about my personal life. And I always will. That’s the idea of a PERSONAL blog.

  22. I’m so so so so so so so sooooooo sorry! πŸ™

    B Diddy, did you just call me silly?

    PS: I don’t suppose we’ll ever find out what happened. πŸ™‚

    On Caster, glad to see that she’s back in. Every African victory in sport counts. I wonder, if Caster had just been anything else other than a medallist, would SA have been just as supportive?

  23. Klooless I like you. Joe you rock! Happiness for everybody! Vanhu we need to move on to the next event in Joe’s life nyaya iyi yarebesa!

  24. all i meant was that something worth breaking up over one week and resulting in an actual break-up hardly disappears in the following week. our desire for familiarity may force us to overlook discomfort but the discomfort remains and may soon breed contempt and result in another, probably, messier break up. before you “bliksem” me let me hastily add I am no expert and I wish you well. Good luck mate!

  25. @Tara – not into calling peeps names. So don’t think you are silly, your comments on the other hand might be πŸ™‚

  26. Ini ndine mubvunzo: why is it that so many black brothers are so resistant to the idea of protection? munhu weusingazivi, hazvikodzeri here kuchengetedza utano hwako?

  27. @El – i cant/dont speak for all brothers but i dont think its a black brothers thing.
    i think its individual – i’ve ‘met’ *cough* ‘plenty’ *cough* women of different races who dont give two hoots, and similarly those who do … the coloured and white boys i hang with dont seem to be any different from the black brothers either …

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