Cashless Society

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Shopping at OK Fife Avenue was a harrowing experience.

Soon as I walked through the doors and picked up a basket, I could feel a tingle in the air. As I picked up my third packet of chicken, I felt a presence at my right shoulder.

“Boss”.

Oh feck, here we go.

“Uhm, are you using cash or a card?”

Come on, this again? We’re back here now? I thought we’d moved past this. Oh well, lemme order something from their (admittedly dodgy-looking) hot deli. Hmmm, rice and chicken stew looks … acceptable.

“Sorry my friend, are you using cash?”

Dude.

Off to the dry goods section scouting for rice, and I swear this guy literally chased me down at pace. I swivelled and looked him square in the eye …

“No!”

Three more times I was approached by The Cashless, and three more times I said NO before they could finish their approach.

I mean Jeebus, I don’t have any cash but you don’t see me harrassing innocent folk down the local market, yeah?

At least I only had to swipe once this time.

Published by Joe Black

22 Replies to “Cashless Society”

  1. I hear you dude, was gettin sick n tired of swiping 20+ times to buy stuff, the cashless can be very irritating

  2. So have they officially removed the six zeroes yet? and with the germans no longer supplying paper for the money, how are you meant to cope?

  3. umm… I’m confused. What’d have happened if you said you were using cash?

  4. I have been gone a while, but working on the assumption that you have a cash back system if you make an electronic purchase, he probably would have sidled to our Joe and made sure that after our Joe’s cash purchase he would have been next in line so he could get our Joe’s cash. but that is just an assumption and you know what they say about those. Coz I cant see the dude taking out his cheque book to write one out in lieu of cash. Though I remember a time when people charged a premium for cash in the early noughties. Or if he was desperate enough he would have just tailed our Joe after departing the store and mugged him hoping that he still had some cash left. Well enough to get him home from Central if the need arose.

  6. Nah, if I’d had cash, he would have asked me to put my purchase on his card, and given him my cash. That’s how it works.

    Cos the maximum cash withdrawal from a bank is 100 billion, whilst my purchase was aroud 780b, so if I had cash and someone had used his card, it’s like 8 days of withdrawals. Jackpot.

    But they get really annoying, they just hang out there like vultures.

  7. 780 billion. I guess I should stop getting flabergasted but I can’t. What’s the rate at now?

  8. Well, 780 b could be anything between 7 and 10 DOLLARS depending on what tranfer rate you get.

    At cash rate it’s maybe 25 bucks.

    I know. It’s sad. Spiral? Yeah.

  9. Geez, and I thought £250 maximum per day was a pain in the ass. That’s like being able to withdraw £1 per day. That is fucking hilarious, yet tragic. So, was that shopping for one day, a week, a month? And, if I came over to Zimbo for a month with a month’s salary from here, would it be cheap or expensive for me, grocery wise?

  13. Funny that! I had you pegged as a sadza kinda guy. The ‘rice doesn’t fill me up’ kinda guy.

  15. LOL! And you can do a decent rice? What about tatas? You good with mash? And do they stock them? What about Pasta? Every man in this country does pasta.

  16. I can attest to the propensity and ability to produce tasty rice dishes at the JB Manor. Long may that continue.

  21. Getting away from JB’s culinary skills does anyone remember Christopher Dell? He of the infamous ‘Inflation will be 1.5m% by the end of 2007’ statement. With it running towards 10m now, he must feel vindicated despite the govt’s best efforts to blacken his name at the time. He was out by a few months, but it was like Herbert Murerwa predicted about the zeroes. Like a fat chick who loses all the weight only to have it come back on with renewed vigour, and then some.

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