This is The Ballad of Justin Bloody Bieber, sung by an 82-year-old gentleman.
It is reckoned that he’s hotter
Than Harry fecking Potter,
His hairdo like some wagging gold retriever,
Looking lovely, looking cute
In his pater-knity suit,
Our Justin, bloody Justin, bloody Bieber.
This old barley is so bad-ass, he nails fecking scorpions to his wall.