Hey, asshole!

Yes, you. You’re the asshole zooming past me in the inside lane at breakneck speed, only to cut across and turn left.

It’s you, isn’t it? The one who approaches a Give Way sign like a bat out of hell, only to brake at the last second, with your nose out in fecking traffic.

You’re the asshole who hoots behind me THE MOMENT the light turns green. What, am I driving a jet fighter? This is Borrowdale Road, not the deck of an aircraft carrier, asshole – there’s no steam catapult to send me off.

While we’re at it, if you’re going to stop at an intersection, why don’t you try fecking STOPPING, and not creeping in whilst staring at me through your windscreen as if willing me to “just turn already”; wait there, asshole, I have right of way.

So there’s no need to drive at warp speed – whatever you’re rushing for is not worth it.

There’s no need to drive OUT of Fife Avenue shopping center through the IN gate … yes it’s tempting, but please – don’t be an asshole.

Indicate that you’re going to turn, not that you’re turning. Get that? An indicator is to tell me that you’re planning to turn … not that you’re turning RIGHT feckING NOW. That’s an asshole move.

Better change your ways before you die, or worse, kill someone innocent. I’m okay with your shitty driving leading you to crash; I’m not okay with you taking anyone else with you.

The consequences of your assholic behaviour shouldn’t be passed on to anyone else, and you’d better figure that out before you actually hurt someone.

Cos you can’t go through life being an asshole all the time. Believe me, I’ve tried.

So stop being such an asshole and please … pretty please …

… learn to fecking drive!

Asshole.