How to survive a bachelor weekend in Hahaharare

As an ongoing community service, I’ll be writing an occassional “10 Things” list to help other bachelors out there with commonplace situations. You may find yourself in these situations one day, so let me try and help with a few insights and tips, that at face value may appear common-sense, but trust me, we can ignore them. And make bad decisions.

1. If you plan to go out on Friday night, eat first. And well. A toasted bacon-and-egg at 5pm doesn’t count.

2. Don’t follow Jazz Invitation to the Sports Diner if you’re drunk. Chances are, you’ll trip over the steps on the way out…yep, they’re hazardous. And it will hurt tomorrow.

3. In case you skip Number 2, any subsequent scars are difficult to explain. Especially if you have no idea how the feck you got them. And “carpet burn” apparently doesn’t suffice.

4. Do not, *not* under any circumstances, watch rugby the next morning and let anyone buy you a Zambezi. You’re still drunk, and asking for trouble.

5a. Always bet against South Africa. You’ll win.
5b. If you bet against South Africa, and you win, remember to collect your fecking winnings from that other ouen there.

6. Don’t decline breakfast in fear of throwing it up. You will regret this, especially when everyone around you is munching away contentedly.

7. (By now it may be Saturday afternoon, hence too late, but never..) ..ever, EVER drink on an empty stomach. You’re asking for trouble, and you may start to feel faint by the time you’re watching the local rugby match.

8. At Harare Sports Club, do NOT spend the afternoon at the bar area. Sit in the stands and watch rugby. That’s what you’re there for. Don’t hang out the bar area with your mates all afternoon playing music and talking shit. You’re not 19.

9. By now it’s too late for anything constructive, but don’t you dare head back to the Scud after the sun goes down. You’re drunk, and you might leave your expensive sunglasses behind when you head home at 6pm.

10. On the way home, don’t call your girlfriend and ask her where the feck she is. You’re wasting airtime, and she won’t thank you for it. Especially when she calls you the next day and chews you out for it. And calls you arsehole.

16 Replies to “How to survive a bachelor weekend in Hahaharare”

  1. 3. In case you skip Number 2, any subsequent scars are difficult to explain. Especially if you have no idea how the fuck you got them. And ?carpet burn? apparently doesn?t suffice.

    did you explain carpert burn to your chick and she said sat?

  2. hi love I still like this theme or look, or whatever. I thort it was obvious before you go out to have a good meal, you slipping Joe.

  3. What’s with the FOOSBALL Theme after the World Cup is over Dude. I like it though, I like i’ a lo’, but where’s your Mug though, why you remove i’. You afraid someone will steal i’ and “super-impose” i’ or sumfing??

  4. Tino, I thought your suggestion about writing about why people cheat is interesting. anyway got some information for you about why people cheat. I was reading an article about cheaters by Relationships psychotherapist Paula Hall and this is what she had to say. I hope it helps.

    Why affairs happen
    There are as many reasons why people have affairs as there are people. But usually an affair is an external sign of an internal desire for change. Something in the person’s life or the relationship isn’t OK – and the affair creates the trigger for change.
    Affairs aren’t only about sex. In fact, relationship experts maintain that any intimate activity between two people that breaches the trust of a partner constitutes an affair.

    Is your relationship at risk?
    Here are some common causes of affairs
    ? Relationship problems – if you’re unhappy in your relationship you’ll be more tempted to look elsewhere.
    ? Boredom – if you’re bored with your life, an affair may seem like an adventure.
    ? Low self-esteem – you may need reassurance that you’re attractive and loveable.

    Types of affairs
    Although there are many reasons for affairs, most fall into one of four categories:
    The boat-rocking affair – when one partner has an underlying dissatisfaction with the relationship. The affair is an unconscious way of drawing attention to the problem and bringing things into the open.
    The exit affair – when an affair is used to get out of a relationship. Rather than confront the fact that a relationship isn’t working, an affair forces the issue.
    The thrill affair – the illicit nature of an affair brings with it an adrenaline rush. Add to that the excitement of sex with someone new and the romantic trimmings of a fresh relationship, and it can seem irresistible.
    The three’s company affair – can go on for years; it can also describe a string of successive affairs. Some people find it difficult to commit to one person; they feel stifled by monogamy and fear putting all their emotional eggs in one basket. Having a third person on the scene can provide an outlet for difficult emotions.
    Tips to help avoid affairs
    ? Be open – honesty is the key to avoiding affairs. Share any temptations with your partner and agree to support each other.
    ? Be close – build and maintain emotional and sexual intimacy in your relationship. The closer you are, the stronger you are.
    ? Be smart – don’t slip into complacency: everyone is vulnerable to temptation.
    ? Be alert – if you find yourself feeling attracted to someone, take action to avoid getting any closer.
    ? Behave – if you’d describe yourself as a natural flirt, remember: if you don’t want to get burned, don’t play with fire.
    When affairs are discovered
    Whether the discovery of an affair is gradual or sudden, shock is the first emotion you’re likely to experience.
    When the shock wears off, you may be left with feelings of anger, sadness, confusion and perhaps embarrassment, especially if you were the one being unfaithful.
    Most people find themselves wondering how this could have happened and questioning whether there can be any future for their relationship.
    Surviving the affair
    Trust is essential for a healthy relationship, and it’s something we often take for granted until it’s gone. If you’re the one that’s had the affair, you’ll need to work hard at reassuring your partner that it’s them you truly love and that you’ve learnt from your mistake.
    If you’re the one who’s been cheated, you may find yourself asking questions for a long time. But as time passes, you’ll find yourself feeling more secure and confident about your relationship.
    Trust only takes a moment to break, but much, much longer to rebuild. At first it may feel that your relationship will never recover, but with hard work and patience it can survive. An affair always signals a turning point in a relationship – but it doesn’t have to signal the end.

  5. Tino, has your question been answered? Thanks Andi Bruce, I was sweating out, wond’rin what to say?

    I wouldn’t know, I don’t cheat, hehe.

  6. Yes thanks but I think you could write something more…personal than the article. Thanks Andi Bruce I think my friend was the victim of a thrill afair. It happens, right???

  7. Please, tell it to Opera guys! Joe, tell us about the carpet Burn again, PLEASE!!!!!

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