Joe Black: Skeleton Detective


Have you ever met someone, and they were all that and a bag of Lays? And you were like, wow, feck’s sakes, this one is hot, the shiz-nit, someone I can talk to, shamwari yangu and all that jazz? Yet at the same time forgetting the Golden Rule?

By that, I mean Joe’s Golden Rule of Random Misfortune, which states that the nicer the person, the bigger the skeleton (in their closet). You know for sure that everybody’s got a skeleton; they may vary in size and age, but they’re there. And you know this. Yet you fool yourself into thinking this one’s different, nice, sweet girl/guy, zvangu zvaita. Hoo, wamama.

Then it comes out – the big secret. Whether you get this from the subject her/himself, or from someone else, does it really matter? If they confess to some huge past indiscretion, rest assured there’s a much bigger one which you won’t find out unless you A. pull a gun B befriend a sibling C. visit the Scud & Nanny. Everyone‘s got a skeleton, and no matter the size, they’ll probably go to great lengths to conceal it from the world at large.

But wait! What if I, JB Esq, was a walking, talking, skeleton-detecting machine? I could, you know, have little icons for each skeleton, like a gardening tool for “hoe”, handcuffs for “thug” or “convict”, boxing gloves for “wife-beater” or whatever! Think of the fun I’d have, where if I look at someone this flashing icon appears over their head, sorta like the eureka light-bulb you see in cartoons!

I could sell my services, like if a mate has a date with his latest “The One”, he’ll give me a time and place, I show up and observe her icon, and depending on the size of the skeleton/colour of the icon/flashing lights I see, I put in a discreet phone call telling him to either float or flee!

Think how much money I could make if I had business cards printed Joe Black: Skeleton Detective?

9 Replies to “Joe Black: Skeleton Detective”

  1. Joe Black.. the world would be a boring place if we were snooping arnd for peoples PAST. Smtimes in life you meet someone and love naturally shld take you beyond their past. But if you really want to know….. with the way things are in H-Town we dnt need your services Black Joe- you just take you new catch for drinks either at Scud and Nanny or go and bling in Platinum with your new find and bfr you know it you have all the data you need for FREE…

  2. This is the problem with you guys you always want to think you are the first person to be with someone.
    Let me tell you a secret-there are no virgins left in harare, you may as well enjoy being in love with whomever you like right now.

    If we started digging into your past we would find some bad shit there also, so don’t go wwitch-hunting on your women guys, because the truth hurts and we know you cannot take it.

  3. Finally Joe Black there is something I can talk about, because this happened to me with some lady a couple of weeks ago.

    I met her and she was very nice, and it was not in a bar before you laugh. I got her number and we went out but my sister gave me a call from a different town – this woman used to be a call-girl.

    Here they dont care that much but for me, hard MaShona Braaman bull shamwari, I cannot be seen with her. And everyone knew this but I went out with her for two weeks.

    Skeletons, shamwari problem kuDiaspora vakawandisa nawo and they are extreme.

  4. JOE i don’t believe in the nicer the person the bigger thier skeletons. And yes i have met that special someone after a year of bull shit and now i have a very good friend and a lover which is just great. I guess i am lucky

  5. Joe..what world do u live in. Icons above the head. Next you’ll be telling us that u have a holographic twin. ok, cutting the duzvi in half, there are no more virgins left. if there are, then my playground would be at chisi (primary)…sis! but the fact remains most items have, like elephant bones in their closet…and NO not to cast a spell but that’s how big the secrets are.

  6. Taura hako, even if you try with the high-schoolers (not that I have, mind you), you’ll be surprised the shit they’ve already been thru!

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