Question about lobola

How I feel about roora / lobola is pretty clear, but for those who don’t know, here it is.

Lobola is archaic, abused, abusive and sexist. It’s unnecessary and oppressive, and has no place in the modern world.

Lobola as practised in Zimbabwe isn’t a “token of appreciation” as it was originally meant to be. It’s a money-spinning exercise.

Nobody can tell me that someone paying thousands of dollars for a wife is not a SALE. It’s like buying a cow, no matter how you want to look at it, or howl about how it’s not a sale blah blah. If you sell me something, I’ll treat it as mine.

There can be no possibility of equality in a marriage, or equal rights for a woman who has accepted to be sold like a piece of meat. Just accepting that you’re for sale means you’ve accepted an unequal position in the relationship. What happens when you try to be assertive? You’re told to stay in your damn lane, that’s what.

In fact, there’s a direct correlation between the practise of lobola and spousal abuse. I personally don’t understand how anyone would accept being sold off, but that’s just me. I’m “overly intellectual”.

Now, to the point. Since I’m paying roora for this daughter, what happens in the event of divorce?

I’ll tell you what happens in the event of divorce.

You’re giving me my money back.


17 Replies to “Question about lobola”

  1. In our culture, the token is still expected…we are Zimbabweans….or rather africans and even if you take a hoe or a blanket should still be acceptable. Our society has placed women within a certain light and thus when you have been “defiled”…..the perception is you are no longer “brand new”. You therefore owe it to the parents of the female you want to sleep with for life…(or most of it) to acknowledge that you are “devaluing” their daughter through that token. Agreeable, people have abused it and made lobola a budget to cover their problems….and that is wrong. However, lobola must still be paid…..its the right thing to do if you are marrying an African girl!!!!!

    1. Rue so what you’re saying is it’s the MUKUWASHA who decides on the prices? Bull. Sheet.

      If it was a token, we’d all be taking hoes (teehee) and that would be the end of it, right?

      But no, it’s the bride’s family who are charging and making the demands.

  2. lobola does not have a standard price. it is not a sale. IT IS A TOKEN of APPRECIATION. If you dont understand lobola thats fine but dont talk down a tradition others enjoy & practice because of your ignorance. thank you.

    1. If it was a token of appreciation, then people wouldn’t be paying tens of thousands, would they? Just think about it … if you can

  3. I for one agree with the article, and it’s refreshing to hear this from a man. I refuse to have a marriage where a man treats me however he sees fit on the basis of the fact that ‘he bought me’. It might be tradition but traditions evolve. If you want to talk about a token of appreciation, then why is it one-sided?

  4. Roora is neither an archaic nor abusive practice, however it is indeed in some instances heavily abused. We should not blame it on “roora” but on the people who both charge exorbitant amounts and those that pay it. Viva Roora!

    1. I don’t think the abuse is not “in some cases”, honestly. Let’s be realistic – the situation where it’s just a TOKEN is the anomaly here, not the high-charging one.

      1. I know plenty of people, mainly hailing from the Manicaland province, who as a principle do not “sell” their daughters & they actually use some of the bride price to celebrate, be it a wedding or just a ceremony & They dont expect the mukwasha to contribute much towards a wedding either. In the event that there is no wedding, the bride price is used to buy the couple something towards their new home.

        1. That’s wonderful! Thanks for that, I’ve never actually heard of such a thing. Is there a hidden niche where mukwashas are not being exploited?

          1. Lol. Enda “kumakomo’yo”, esp kunanaChipinge. variyo anhu vasikadi zve”exploitation”.

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