Here’s your chance. Get out now, while you can. Quick. Look for a window. Or the ventilation shaft.
Take a zuda and unscrew the cover of the duct. Now get to wriggling. Conviction is important at this point.
Squirm like the wind. Once free, secure new clothing and start a new life somewhere with complicated extradition laws.
Back to bachelorhood!
Yes, the singularly most folorn, emotionally vacant time of your life. Come on, is there anything more overrated than bachelorhood?
If you’re like most bachelors, you go to bed every night wishing you weren’t one. Let’s look at the sacred, time-tested bechelor traditions you’ll be missing out on.
Of course, there’s being a slob. As well as extended periods of not bathing or otherwise lapsed personal hygiene.
And hanging out with your unattached friends. A group of guys who with each passing year are starting to get, frankly, a little creepy.
Your future is out there. Your best friends are out there. Your whisky is out there.
But your lover is in here.