Run, bitch

Here’s your chance. Get out now, while you can. Quick. Look for a window. Or the ventilation shaft.

Take a zuda and unscrew the cover of the duct. Now get to wriggling. Conviction is important at this point.

Squirm like the wind. Once free, secure new clothing and start a new life somewhere with complicated extradition laws.

Back to bachelorhood!

Yes, the singularly most folorn, emotionally vacant time of your life. Come on, is there anything more overrated than bachelorhood?

If you’re like most bachelors, you go to bed every night wishing you weren’t one. Let’s look at the sacred, time-tested bechelor traditions you’ll be missing out on.

Of course, there’s being a slob. As well as extended periods of not bathing or otherwise lapsed personal hygiene.

And hanging out with your unattached friends. A group of guys who with each passing year are starting to get, frankly, a little creepy.

Your future is out there. Your best friends are out there. Your whisky is out there.

But your lover is in here.

18 Replies to “Run, bitch”

  1. when you break a vase you can glue it together but the cracks remain. so if it falls again it breaks into more pieces and is harder to put together.

    however, if you break the vase and realise that you should go out shopping and buy a vase that is neither his nor hers then you have something that is yours.

  2. Sigh! JB, you single again?

    (Purely for clarity’s sake. I promise I won’t comment this time. Still reeling from the last time.)

  3. @Tara – even though betas stop being single the moment they spoon after a shag, us alphas maintain a bloke is single until he’s signed his life away in the marriage register πŸ˜›

  4. πŸ™ How about sparing me the cryptic clues and telling me whether JB is still with Minnie or not! πŸ™‚ If you dont mind my asking!

    Dammit, I hate that you lot are making it a thing. Just answer the question!

  5. Thanks Minnie. Sorry to hear.

    JB, I did in fact check. But, apparently, ‘single’ is a subjective term, depending on whether it relates to an Alpha or Beta. Apparently, short of a marriage licence and ring on the relevant finger, a ‘boyfriend’ can in fact claim the ‘single’ status. It’s idiotic, I know. But apparently there are people out there who believe such drivel. Just look at some earlier comments.

  6. @beezy – stay alpha my man, will hit u up with some stag shit straight from The Chateau in a couple weeks – if u two are not back together πŸ™‚

    @tara –
    I see your neg,
    and I brush it off like the purty thing from last friday nite,
    but I see yah,
    and I’ll keep u in my black book πŸ˜›

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