Snakes in the grass Part II

by Posted on

So I hear someone’s talking about me. To call him a friend of mine would be a real stretch, but I believe (well, believeD) we had a civil relationship, and I’ve never expected any less than good company and the occasional beer out of it. But no. Black people always have to feck it up.

See, I’ve never CONSCIOUSLY done anything wrong to this chap. In fact, I’d like to think I’ve maintained a healthy enthusiasm not just for his company, but for his conversation and input (like all my other chums). I’ve never dissed him, publicly or no, never showed any hostility (physical or otherwise) and have never actually given him reason to become a hater. I think.

So here’s the thing: if you have anything you wanna say, motherfecker, say it to my face. If you don’t have the balls to do that, I’m sorry for you…I’m 5 ft 5 and weigh 50kg, if you scurred of that you’re a worse pussy than everyone thinks (and yeah, they do). You thought I wouldn’t know you were jawing about me? Vavengi hamudzidze, the same way you’re trying to stab me in the back, people are doing the same to you!

Kana iri nyaya yemukadzi, buda pachena, we can sort it out; I’m a reasonable man. If I’ve genuinely offended you in any way, then I sincerely apologise. But if you’re just tryna pull a brother down, then feck you. I don’t really live my life on other people’s opinions, especially not those of a……..deep breath….*sigh*…..

Actually, there are exactly ten people on Earth whose opinions matter to me. You’re not one of them, so shut the feck up.

NB: this was written when I’d just found out, and in the heat of the moment I forgot that I should be flattered! Keep hatin’ it only makes me smile 🙂

Published by Joe Black

16 Replies to “Snakes in the grass Part II”

  1. why don’t you confront this friend of yours Joe? are you whoever told u didnt take it out of context or even lie..

  4. In the year 2006 , the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in England and said, “Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me”

    Build another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans.”

    He gave Noah the CAD drawings, saying, “You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.”

    Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark.

    “Noah!” He roared, “I’m about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?”

    “Forgive me, Lord,” begged Noah, “but things have changed. I needed Building Regulations Approval. I’ve been arguing with the Fire Brigade about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I should have obtained planning permission for building the Ark in my garden because it is development of the site even though in my view it is a temporary structure. We had to go to appeal to the Secretary of State for a decision.

    Then the Department of Transport demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark’s move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

    Getting the wood was another problem. All the decent trees have Tree Preservation Orders on them and we live in a Site of Special Scientific Interest set up in order to protect the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls but no go!

    When I started gathering the animals, the RSPCA sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodation was too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

    Then the County Council, the Environment Agency and the Rivers Authority ruled that I couldn’t build the Ark until they’d conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission on how many BMEs I’m supposed to hire for my building team. The trades unions say I can’t use my sons. They insist I have to hire only CSCS accredited workers with Ark-building experience.

    To make matters worse, Customs and Excise seized all my assets, claiming I’m trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

    So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.”

    Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, “You mean you’re not going to destroy the world?”

    “No,” said the Lord. “Looks like the government beat me to it.”

  5. 1st of all can I just say it ain’t funny all y’all having moved on to a new story while I am waiting for responses on the now old story. But now that I am all caught up…….

    Mushaz, please, can’t you see Black’s just had his heartbroken and he hurtin. A little more sensitivity please. The guy is reaching out for support and sympathy.

    Black, who is this person you are talking about. Are they likely to see this post or are you just venting. If whoever is out there reading this post, you ought to be ashamed. You can’t play a fella like that. Anyway, what exactly did this guy do or rather say? Is whatever he said 1) so bad because it is true or 2) because it is so wrong you could sue for defamation of character?

    Oh yeah, can I hazard an educated guess at one of the ten peeps whose opinions matter to ya is. A certain wanna-be songstress.

  6. JoBlack asi wakenyengera munhu musikana wake here? unonyanya kufarira zvinhu mufana iwewe. Why dont u just give him a black eye JoBlack!!

    my PC is abt to crush, am left with 35MB free disk space and my hard drive is 80GB. i have done a scan with Norton and it cant detect any VIRUS. Panda ActiveScan has detected 107 files infected with Spyware and 2 files infected with a dialer!

    Arsenal played shit last nite, we have lost 2 games in a row, we have Reading on sat and then PSV on wed. With so many injuries and suspensions, it aint looking good at all!

  7. Ooh, comments 🙂

    Nice one, Gala. Will write one about Zim bureaucracy very soon, just checking some facts.

    About the snake, can I just say that I’ve moved on, and I don’t really mind that the nigg@ is acting up, mhata imhata.

    Yes Gala, she’s one of the ten whose opinions count. You know me so well…

    Jigga, I don’t really know what the issues are, but I think we need some tissues! And you know I only receive blackeyes, not give’em.

    Did Benni Mcarthy hit that ball or what? I love it, apa Liverpool is on song boy.

  9. Ndeipi JB, ndirikuuya ikoko kuzorova munhu, wanzwa…. But only if I’m in your “Ten Whose-Opinions-Count”, hehehehe 🙂

  14. So whachu waiting on… spit out them TEN… TEn.. Ten..ten (as in seven…seven.. seven…). And I better be thurrrr

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