This way to Burger Heaven

The Starving Bachelor wandered Sam Levy’s Village, craving sustenance but unsure where it would come from. He’d already been scared shitless by the menu he’d seen at the Scud & Donkey, and the little money he had was starting to burn a meal-sized hole in his pocket.

Having walked the shopping mall from top to tail, he finally stopped at Deli.Cious, and his weary feet could carry him no further. Our tragic hero stepped into the dim interior, and his attention was immediately grabbed by the flat-screen TV on the far wall previewing the World Cup cricket match. Curious, he picked up a copy of Men’s Health from a table stacked with reading material and plopped his weary carcass in a perfect cricket-watching spot.

It took just a minute to find what he wanted on the menu – everything seemed interesting, if a little posh, but he eventually went for the hungry man’s best friend; the cheeseburger. Fifteen minutes later, and one minute from devouring the lemon wedge in his orange juice, it appeared. Sorrounded by potato wedges and a crisp mound of salad, it sat there taunting him.

A 250g grilled beef patty sat majestically atop two thick lettuce leaves and tomato slices, topped with a layer of crisp-white mozzarella cheese, all between a fresh burger roll. A little salt and pepper later, with a few sips of orange juice in between, our hero fought the monster and won, finishing it off with a flourish of potato wedge dipped in ketchup.

Burping quietly, our Bachelor paid his 85 thousand dollars and flounced off into the waning sunlight, making it to the Scud just in time for the first ball of the cricket semi-final.

12 Replies to “This way to Burger Heaven”

  1. Does anyone know if that place that sold biltong in the village is still open. Coz that was some mad crazy biltong.

  2. If you are going to insist on ladling cholesterol straight onto your arteries, why not go Burger King instead of Mickey Ds. its waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better

  3. i am not even tryna think… Joey, most people are america’s bitch even. if it is mickey d it’s something… even donor funds

  4. the breakfast at that Deli place is DIVINE, i used to religiously go there every sat morning b4 i discovered Giovanni’s!!

  5. Well, there’s ONE country which claims it ain’t USA’s bitch…although I don’t recall what it says on the food aid sacks.

    Next mission: Saturday morning, hungover, breakfast at the Deli. Watch this space.

  6. JB. touche mate. so much for never being a colony again. maybe we can apply to be the 54th state, after Blair’s England

  7. Yeah, we scream and bitch about how we hate Blair and Bush and Europe, wah wah wah how we don’t need to travel there anyway, wah wah wah.

    But let the food aid stop for a week, see what happens. Let’s face it, we’ve been stuck with British cock up our ass since the first pioneer swam his horse across the Limpopo!

  8. Not only that we scream that we hate bush, blair and the lot then we say they shouldnt impose sanctions that stop us from going there.

    That is like telling a man he is arse who deserves to be shot and dismembered and his house set on fire and then going about telling people how he prevents you from going to his house to get money to buy food.

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