You’re still not witty, man

bush fingerYou’re such a trip, man. You sit there, smug in your apartment, laughing at the world and mocking people you’ve never met.

So what the feck do you know about cricket, huh? You think just because you turned the old arm over at school, played a bit after school then followed the national team around you can talk? What gives you the right to mock the Zimbabwe Cricket board, huh? You can do better? They may be incompetent, but so are you buddy, so are you!

Ooh, look at you, you think you know football? You don’t know shit, my friend, just because you support Liverpool and Dynamos doesn’t make you a pundit. So you watch a few matches, read a few articles and check a few stats, but Martin Tyler you are not, my friend.

So you think you’re clever, just because you make a few jokes about there being a MacDonald’s restaurant on Downing Street? And that makes you what, witty? And the whole Baked Beans thing; you’re just an arrogant bastard, buddy, and not a funny social commentator.

Get a life, my friend, because you’re just another ordinary sad blogger in a world full of them. Instead of writing, get a steady girlfriend.

Better yet, just get laid.

34 Replies to “You’re still not witty, man”

  1. self flagellation is one thing mate, but what kind of fcuked up S & M trip are you on?

  2. Not to kick a man when he’s down but….

    Hmmm, u’ve tried the steady girlfriend thing…. didnt really seem to be your cup of tea….

    The getting laid thing, u know my opinion on randoms….

    I’d say stick to the writing…. but i have a feeling one of these days its going to get u into trouble…. (that picture is something else)
    What are your other options?????

  3. Damn, you girls are fast!

    So wait, I’m no good in steady relationships? So isn’t my only option “randoms” then? Surely a man is allowed a little nookie now and then…

    aChic, try it some time, keeps life in perspective!

  4. no Joe…. if u cant do the time don’t do the crime….

    at least be in a relationship with the girl…. u cant just nip and zip!!!

  5. Seriously…. this is why u are currently not in and are not likely to be in a functional relationship anytime soon….

  6. Whoa Nelly!!!! I’ll have you know I’m currently working on a little sum’in that’s gonna make all of y’all sit up and take notice…

  7. ASi wakadhakwa ha ha ha but for real, a man needs to get laid often THAT keeps life in perspective!

  8. You’ll know, I’m working on this one so it’s just right…unoziva ma-young one anonetsa, you’ll be first to know.

    Taura hako Blaz, that’s the only necessary function in a “functional relationship” hehe

  9. self deprecating humour and self flagellation Part 2, with sequels in the pipeline are worlds apart my man. But I hear you about the one nighters, there should be more splakavellis aka vanamuponesi out there for some no strings fun. Sex and relationships are mutually exclusive.

  10. hiya, I like it when you diss yerself it’s hilarious!

    saka whats so special about this particular project of yours, asi she’s really good at … .. ..

  11. oh please thats such a sob story. you are the guys who beat your wife in the end for being stubborn

  12. They think they want a strong woman, when all they really want is an extra paycheck and a servant. I can see the hooker in the ad whats that all about anyway?

  13. And if your M.O hasnt changed since the old days, this project will be terminated in this way: you will get some poor naiive sprog to go do it for you on your behalf. The poor thing will get the raw end of the deal. The good old days hah Black?

    And what is this google add? A bit out of the loop here.

    AND What the fuck does that mean? That “I decline to discuss the topic of domestic violence!” What is there to say other than you do not condone such behaviour Joe. Pray tell!!!

  14. Gala, AMEN sister, silence in this case is tantamount to condoning domestic violence.

  15. Black, Your mother must be proud. And if that is the role of women, what exactly is yours?

  16. the unfortunate question rises: or what, JB. coz re: comment 21 you have just taken a moral stance condemning vhairenz agenest whemen.

  17. moving on to other salient matters: does anyone else out there think that the ICC WC final was a total load of gobshite. After 7 weeks of essentially non stop cricket, they couldnt have waited one more day so that we could get some decent cricket which had been seriously lacking from the contest as a whole. Because they did Sri Lanka a total disservice there. UNLESS it was yet another conspiracy against the third world.

  18. I’ll smack that ass, that’s what I’ll do…

    Who did Sri Lanka a disservice? Barring the confusion from the Umpires at the end, the match was over AFAIC when SL passed the 20-over mark.

    Messrs Duckworth and Lewis had already decided the result 🙂

    For that Gilchrist innings alone, it was priceless, only ruined by dumb-ass Rudi “Ek is ‘n baas hoer” Koertzen

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