Time To Go Green, Lads

Young men of Zimbabwe, listen up. There’s a form of witchcraft going around, and I think you should be aware of it.

Now, those of you getting laid, I’m proud of you. Congratulations. I also hope you’re using protection, because nyoro inouraya mboro. But let’s put that aside, for now.

I naturally assume these chicks are showering or bathing at your abode after coitus (and hopefully before). Unless they’re those nasty ones who just don’t, at all. That means you’re nasty too. Anyway.

If you’re letting these chicks use your ablution facilities, and especially after they spend the night, do yourself a favour, young men of Zimbabwe.

Hide your face soap.

Leave out a bar of green washing soap, and put away your bathing soap. Whether it’s Dove, Lifebuoy, Nivea, Jade or Cusson’s Imperial Leather – hide that shit.

The moment a chick washes her underpant (be it a string or a parachute) with your face soap,  you’re done. Especially if she’s your regular honey, and she washes her drawers at your place more than once. If she uses your bath soap, you’re getting married – I fecking guarantee it.

So either keep a green laundry bar handy, or make she doesn’t wash her drawers in your place. While you’re at it, keep an eye out for any stragglers – check under your face towels, on every rack and in the shower itself.

Make sure there’s no undies left drying or lying around after she’s gone.

Protect your neck, son.

It’s witchcraft.