To be absolutely honest …

by Posted on

… I really can’t be arsed. I’ve had a long week with HIFA, and Sunday IS the day of rest. I can barely type, let alone post. Stay tuned.

Published by Joe Black

59 Replies to “To be absolutely honest …”

  4. we been waiting to see for a while now innit? we myt jus as well continue to do so:-(

  6. And you can bet your bottom open market floated dollar that after a year there will still be no crisis.

  10. Failing to follow this link, it keeps returning an error. What is the distilled version of the story?

    So 250million dollar hey? The cash barons/baronesses are going to be be less visible now. No more wheelbarrows and suitcases.

  11. Uncolonised Africa wouldn’t know what it was missing
    Published:Apr 07, 2008 (Africa Times)

    —
    Imagine for a moment what life would be like in South Africa if the evil white man hadn’t come to disturb the rustic idyll of the early black settlers.

    Ignored by the Portuguese and Dutch, except as a convenient resting point en route to India. Shunned by the British, who had decided that their empire was already large enough and didn’t need to include bits of Africa.

    The vast mineral wealth lying undisturbed below the Highveld soil as simple tribesmen graze their cattle blissfully unaware that beneath them lies one of the richest gold seams in the world. But what would they want with gold?

    There are no roads because no roads are needed because there are no cars. It’s 2008 and no one has taken the slightest interest in South Africa, apart from a handful of botanists and zoologists who reckon that the country’s flora and fauna rank as one of the largest unspoilt areas in a polluted world.

    Because they have never been exposed to the sinful ways of the West, the various tribes of South Africa live healthy and peaceful lives, only occasionally indulging in a bit of ethnic cleansing.

    Their children don’t watch television because there is no television to watch. Instead they listen to their grandparents telling stories around a fire. They live in single-storey huts arranged to catch most of the day’s sunshine and their animals are kept nearby.

    Nobody has any more animals than his family needs and nobody grows more crops than he requires to feed his family and swap for other crops. Ostentation is unknown because what is the point of trying to impress your fellow citizens when they are not impressible?

    The dreaded Internet doesn’t exist in South Africa and cellphone companies have laughed off any hope of interesting the inhabitants in talking expensively into a piece of black plastic. There are no unsightly shopping malls selling expensive goods made by Asian slave workers and consequently there are no newspapers or magazines carrying articles comparing the relative merits of ladies’ handbags.

    Whisky, the curse of the white man, isn’t known in this undeveloped land and neither are cigars. The locals brew a sort of beer out of vegetables and drink it out of shallow wooden bowls. Five-litre paint cans have yet to arrive in South Africa.

    Every so often a child goes missing from the village, eaten either by a hungry lion or a crocodile. The family mourn for a week or so and then have another child. Life is, on the whole, pretty good but there is something vital missing. Being unaware of the temptations of the outside world, nobody knows what it is. Fire has been discovered and the development of the wheel is coming on nicely but the tribal elders are still aware of some essential happiness ingredient they still need to discover. Praying to the ancestors is no help because they are just as clueless.

    Then something happens that will change this undisturbed South Africa forever. Huge metal ships land on the coast and big metal flying birds are sent to explore the sparsely populated hinterland. They are full of men from a place called China and they are looking for coal, metal, oil, platinum, farmland, fresh water and cheap labour and lots of it. Suddenly the indigenous population realise what they have been missing all along: someone to blame. At last their prayers have been answered.

    by David Bullard

  12. Oh yes, this whole kerfuffle. Darling it’s about two weeks old, the guy was fired for writing this.

    Although his mandate, having read his column for years, was to ‘talk shit’ and stir the pot, really. This time he went too far, in my opinion.

    $250m? Where?

  14. Yeah David Bullard is the equivalent of Jon Q on News 24, just a shit stirrer.

    How many loaves of bread can 250million buy, if you find it?

    Question about prices: if I wanted to buy a second hand Mazda 323 2000model, about how much would that set me back?

  15. 250 million is four loaves of bread. As for a car, I don’t know dear. Expect to pay over usd5,000 definitely, and today that’s … 1 trillion dollars 🙂

  16. Yeah, I know Bullard got fired etc. I only just read this (see how I read the SA papers lol – accidentally).

    Guys, the Zim Zeros are confusing enough without changing notes. Stay where you are Minnie! It’s prolly less hassle lol.

    BTW, I’m coming home.

  19. Ms J:, is that read ‘stay where you are Minnie, coz i’m coming home ‘:)

  22. Just had my first powercut in over 4 years. It lasted 2 minutes but I was already freaking out. The internet stopped working, I thought my life was going to end.

  24. There’s always unfinished business, it’s the nature of the beast, innit? (the heart, anonymous, not me).

    I can’t follow it anymore, though. Now we have a 250 MILLION dollar note. Where does it stop? When? Ah, ndazvirega ini.

  25. lol El. im falling off my chair. freaking out….internet stopped working for 2 min…lolest. you’re a funny one.

  26. one day hes taking you to HIFA, professing his undying love, next day he is confessing to unfinished with Ms Joseph (consolation; its not him, but his heart)…hanzi moyo muti unomera paunoda

  30. What is the relationship equivalent for the Betty Ford Clinic where all these Little Women seem to scupper off to after being burned by the JB love machine.

  32. looks like the little women all scupper out of zim after being burned by the love machine plus you know wat they say about the fury of hell and a scorned woman…

  36. Is that the sound of toys being thrown out of the cot I hear in the distant background? No? Oh my mistake, that is the sound of the baby being thrown out with the bath water?

  40. So I went kubhawa last Friday and while I was there, this white Polish woman found out that I was from Zim. I must hasten to point that this bint was totally wasted. So she decides that she must must must speak to me. The first thing out of her slurring inebriated mouth was ‘You and I are the same’. I gave her the mental up and down stare and thought, clearly we are not. The reason for her believing that we are the same is that she sired a sprog with a Nigerian who shortly after marrying her scuppered off to Nigeria (visa and euros in hand probably). I have nothing against white people (a little white lie I conveniently trot out in polite company) but its the unabashed ignorance that gets me. If I had pulled the reverse on her she would have had me strapped in a straitjacket and in a padded cell in the blink of her alcohol-dulled eye.

  41. You shoulda tried it. You guys might have ended up singing “We Are Family” on tabletops.

  45. Black, I’m confused. I have just managed to catch your HIFA ’08 blog as I had no idea there was one. Could you please set the record straight as to where things are with Minnie. You guys together or not. What came of the mission you were working on before you quite skillfully brushed everything under the carpet. Don’t hink I didn’t notice. I was just cutting you some slack. But, now I want answers. What do I want to know? Everything! Did you and minnie sort things out or did you what ever it is that people do when they fail to sort things out?

  48. Okay, that was out of line, I did put my business out there so yeah, I guess I should explain.

    She’s one of my closest friends.

  49. dude,
    Sup mate! hard luck bout the reds, i would have prefered an all RED final, but now we have to play against the millionaire spoiled babies!! frekin Chelski. Anyway JB, how was Hifa? Any nyayas??

  50. Thanks Rav dude, we should have won that shit but hey, you know how it goes.

    HIFA was awesome, no nyayas but dops and beats bra, sure you saw the photos on Bookface.

  51. and we all know how we use ‘closest friends’ wen we don’t want to answer anymore questions.

  52. Uh huh. Or when it’s “complicated” 🙂

    Re 53: When you put your business out there, it becomes OUR business. Somehow you seem to always forget that.

  54. The problem with the media is that you can never really be sure who to believe, everyone is pursuing their own agenda. Coz if they were to be believed the Angolans were to have offloaded the weapons and they would well be on their way now. Coz Dos Santos is said to have pledged his unwavering support to the great uncle.

  56. Black tagged me on his sister site FB. Random photos of the lovley Hifa show goers whose sneps were taken by Black and his roaming foreigner, lighter playing friend. There was no sign saying “please note that you are entering an area with photography, your entry into this area indicates your consent to have your photo posted on facebook, rustybook, facegate and associated websites”.

    My lawyers will be in touch. BTW 90% of peeps don’t have your interests at heart that’s why you should keep your shit to yo self.

  57. Bra, you KNOW when the cameras are flashing that the media is for public consumption. LOL. You signed the waiver 🙂

    I noticed. A hater asked me stupid shit the other day, about Minnie Mouse and all that. *sigh* that’s life I guess.

  58. Hey Joe – new to this but I am dying to know – do you think the public (us lot) have a right to probe the public life of celebrities (you) about personal life (minnie me) considering that they put themselves out in the public anyway. Where does one draw the line from intrusion into onto ones private life and getting general info

  59. The way I see it, serenity, is this:- if you SEEK OUT publicity / public life, then you forfeit whatever rights you had to privacy in the first place.

    Like, once you go black, you’ll never go back. 🙂

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