Tongue twister: flying football filly feted

And in other news, a teenage girl with pink ribbons in her hair was today named the best football player in England by, uhm, football players in England.

In a statement to no-one in particular, a confused “PFA” spokesman commented that this year’s award was based mainly on pouting ability and no actual playing skills were taken into consideration. Had they been, she’d still have walked the bloody thing.

Further investigations reveal that despite an uncanny resemblance to said teenage girl (with pink ribbons in said hair), the ManUre show-pony named Cristiano Ronaldo would not be sharing the award, having gone down the salon to get his highlights “Just. Right.” ahead of tomorrow’s Champions’ League Reality TV Show.

In an unrelated development, full-backs across Europe are said to be meeting tonight to discuss footballing issues – possibly including the setting up of a safe-house for all members who have been either “skinned” or “raped” on the field by said little girl.

When asked for comment, Chelsea’s Paulo Ferreira had nothing to say.