Claiming back my 20 acres.

Cotton - white; pickers - not so muchI finally did it. Deactivated my Facebook account. And you know what? Nothing. I do’t feel anything. Not because I am numb with grief for all those lost hours spent contorting my grammar into weird (but witty) third person statements preceded by ‘is’.Not because I won’t be able to voyeuristically poke into and trawl anonymously through other people’s lives.

I feel nothing because at some point, I stopped caring. Being randomly and repeatedly poked by people too lazy to actually make time to write an email, or even just post on my wall, got tired pretty quickly.

As for the cretin who created that Funwall application, may his bottom be covered in painful pus-filled boils and may his scrotum disappear into the farthest regions of his intestines. And if the creator was a chick, may the batteries in her vibrator always die prematurely like the men in her life and may her breasts be covered in fish-like scales.

Part of me thought the vacuum left by this decision would be hard to fill. But really, what vacuum? Like that McPhee chick sang – “I’m so over it”.

Normal service has resumed.

P.S. Bet you are all singing ‘heard it all before’ but I promise ‘I can change’.

Published byEleanor

Tired of all the nonsense. When will the madness end.


  • Joe Black

    14 January, 2008 at 16:48 pm

    You took the leap. Like I took the leap. Oh, you’ll be back, but this time you’ll realise you don’t NEED Facebook, but it’s cool to just have it somewhere for a weekly look.

    Besides, you have only deactivated your account, it’s still there and hasn’t been deleted yet 🙂 I know!

    Haven’t you noticed my second coming? Very lean, NO applications, removed any ppl not actually my friends. That’s how you do it.

    Good luck in the real world 🙂

  • Eleanor

    14 January, 2008 at 17:04 pm

    I seriously doubt I will be back. I will only get back in to get some email addresses of people I like and then just be done with the whole thing. This article helped put into words my queasiness about the whole FB experience.

    You are talking to a woman who voluntarily simultaneously abstained from alcohol and sex* for a year. What is FB in comparison to that?

  • Eleanor

    14 January, 2008 at 17:13 pm

    p.s. how DO I delete the FB account, coz the only option it gave me was deactivation. When I sent them an email for instructions, they didnt reply.

  • Joe Black

    14 January, 2008 at 17:19 pm

    Damn it. That article should be Required Reading for anyone signing up. LOL no wonder they don’t delete your account when you quit.

    I knew they were potentially evil, but their money IS evil.

  • Joe Black

    14 January, 2008 at 17:28 pm

    Apparently it’s possible.

    Laugh at this or try this

    I suppose it can be done, somehow.

  • alias

    14 January, 2008 at 18:09 pm

    I’m still keeping my facebook account though it was originally created for the sole purpose of getting phone numbers after my mobile broke.

    I just joined the Zimbabwe network, for insight into folks there, and it baffles the mind how full of applications, gifts, and other assorted facebook crap everyone has on their pages. That and it appears Zimbos totally love chain emails.

    And if I deleted my bloody account, my girlfriend would ensure that my scrotum would most definitely disappear into the nether regions of my intestines- so I decided to keep both my scrotum and my fecking facebook account.

  • alias

    14 January, 2008 at 18:21 pm

    JB I just facebook stalked yo ass!

  • Joe Black

    14 January, 2008 at 18:53 pm


  • alias

    14 January, 2008 at 19:05 pm

    You can run but you can’t hide from the book of face.

    Eleanor will be living like a fugitive for the next 5 years- always looking over her should thinking “did I see that guy on facebook once?”

  • alias

    14 January, 2008 at 19:06 pm

    that’s over her shoulder…

  • Joe Black

    14 January, 2008 at 22:06 pm

    Be afraid Elle … be very afraid. The Facebookers are everywhere, and you can’t escape them.

  • Joe Black

    14 January, 2008 at 23:36 pm

    Exactly midnight, my power goes. Darnit.

  • Eleanor

    15 January, 2008 at 05:22 am

    JB, thanks for the pointers, they might still have my info on their server, but the FB account itself is no longer in existence, not just deactivated. the whole process took about 5 minutes.

  • Joe Black

    15 January, 2008 at 08:31 am

    Cool, well done. Waking up in Zimbabwe is a lotto; no water this morning.

  • Eleanor

    15 January, 2008 at 08:49 am

    Read about Zinwa cutting you off till Thursday at the earliest. I wonder if State House gets the same treatment, or lack thereof. I cant even begin to imagine the horror of waking up to no water for that long. The raw sewage nyaya of it spilling out on the streets, kids playing in it just makes you want to weep.

  • Tino

    15 January, 2008 at 08:51 am

    I had no power last night you know. South Africa is just as bad pamagetsi apa, but water is aplenty. So you haven’t showered then Joe?

  • Eleanor

    15 January, 2008 at 09:13 am

    Eskom at least have a schedule dont they? That they tell you about and not guard jealously like a state secret?

  • Joe Black

    15 January, 2008 at 09:20 am

    Here it’s all haphazard, you don’t know what the hell comes next.

  • Andy Tee

    15 January, 2008 at 15:56 pm

    Facebook is actually quite depressing!

    My prayer for the week – God give me the strength to quit Facebook – jus like you have given Eleanor. And when I quit may I be a real quitter not like Joe Black who came back after a week.

  • Galadriel

    15 January, 2008 at 16:35 pm

    Oh Elle, I was just about ready to poke your ass as well. Dang!

    I like facebook for now. You can keep tabs without the whole ‘Hey you. how are you? I am fine? How is the weather? Work is boring? have you heard from so and so? ‘ bullshit polite small talk. Far less hard work and the stalking element (which works best on Hi5) is fabulous.

  • Joe Black

    15 January, 2008 at 16:48 pm

    Hi5 still exists? Pfffff.

  • Joe Black

    15 January, 2008 at 17:16 pm

    In case you thought I’d let it pass … Gala just how exactly were you expecting to poke Elle in the ass? Cos you’re not anatomically equipped, unless there’s been some drastic changes in your life …

  • Galadriel

    15 January, 2008 at 19:08 pm

    Black, nobody likes a smart ass.

    And what’s it to you IF I have?

  • Tigz

    15 January, 2008 at 19:10 pm

    maybe she got a strap-on

  • Joe Black

    15 January, 2008 at 19:14 pm

    Now check who watches porno?

  • Anonymous

    15 January, 2008 at 21:18 pm

    You don’t need to watch porn to be talking about strap ons. All you have to do is walk into any old Ann Summers and you can’t miss them there in the corner next to the ……….(tee hee hee).

  • Anonymous AKA Gala

    15 January, 2008 at 21:22 pm

    Thank You Tigz by the way.

    Man, Joe needs to get out more. 😉

  • Joe Black

    15 January, 2008 at 21:36 pm

    You forget I’m here in Zimbabwe, there’s no Ann Summers or Teddy Beare’s or anything of that nature.

    We’re morally pure.

  • Anonymous AKA Gala

    15 January, 2008 at 22:33 pm

    Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

  • Eleanor

    15 January, 2008 at 23:48 pm

    Speaking of strap ons, I heard a very disturbing tale the other day of some bloke being unicorned. For those of you with fertile imaginations, I will just give you a few basic details: woman, strap-on on head, his ass. The stuff of which nightmare is made I tell you.

  • Tino

    16 January, 2008 at 08:35 am

    Heavens help us. Strapped-on to the head. Golly.

  • The Squire

    16 January, 2008 at 09:30 am

    The end of th world is nigh……..

  • Galadriel

    16 January, 2008 at 11:18 am

    Be Afraid. Be very afraid.

  • Joe Black

    16 January, 2008 at 12:08 pm

    Was it voluntary? Depends, if it was on the news then it wasn’t by choice lol, or was it a ‘story’ in the pub? Tune us.

    Rather disturbing, I must say. Unicorned. Lol

  • Galadriel

    16 January, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    Wonder if that would go to the courts as rape.

  • Joe Black

    16 January, 2008 at 15:02 pm

    Bye bye ZESA

  • Eleanor

    16 January, 2008 at 15:47 pm

    It was her idea, and he concurred. That is definitely one woman who can boast that ‘Nobody can love you like I love you’. Anything else pales in comparison, coz those are some seriously MAD skills. Just think of the logistics of that for a moment if you will….

    JB have your water supplies resumed or are you still making do with dry washes?

  • Joe Black

    16 January, 2008 at 16:12 pm

    Phew, that was only an hour. Shocking.

    Oh no the water came back, still taking daily swimming lessons in the ultimate shallow end.

  • Eleanor

    16 January, 2008 at 16:44 pm

    Now this is what I call service delivery. Not the mahumbwe that we are accustomed to in Zim,,2-7-12_2252946,00.html

  • Joe Black

    17 January, 2008 at 09:52 am

    Bloody hell, Australia 165/6?

  • Eleanor

    17 January, 2008 at 14:54 pm

    212 all out. Gets even better. Gentleman, its game on.

    At the beginning of this series, I was kinda rooting for Australia to get to 17 wins, now, I would love it if India were the ones to rain on that parade.

  • Eleanor

    17 January, 2008 at 14:57 pm

    10 million note hey? That should make it fun if your wallet gets nicked. Although considering it doesnt even buy a full chicken…

  • Joe Black

    17 January, 2008 at 14:59 pm

    Oz should win. India suck. 10mil, doubt we’ll even see the note.

  • Galadriel

    17 January, 2008 at 15:39 pm

    [comment redacted]

  • Joe Black

    17 January, 2008 at 15:43 pm

    Honestly, Gala … 500 words? That’s an essay, not an ‘anecdote’ 🙂

  • Eleanor

    17 January, 2008 at 16:56 pm

    JB, exterminator extraordinaire.

    Ah, JB, so you are not a cash baron then. Coz you know that money is already at the border before the great unwashed gets its greasy mitts on it.

  • Galadriel

    17 January, 2008 at 17:16 pm

    What??!! 🙂 But it was funny and no rude words. Only rude if you had a wild imagination.

  • Joe Black

    17 January, 2008 at 19:10 pm

    It was too long. Snip.

  • Galadriel

    18 January, 2008 at 14:54 pm

    Anyone know if Benin is any good in football. Drew them in the sweepstakes and am now wondering if I stand a chance in hell at winning myself £20 quid. Also another sweepstakes where I can actually pick something decent. So, who will win the Africa Cup of Nations and where the hell is Zimbabwe?

  • Eleanor

    18 January, 2008 at 16:14 pm

    give it up for lost.

    Zim couldnt organise a piss up in a brewery.

  • Joe Black

    19 January, 2008 at 04:06 am



    Yeah, and I’m sticking to it.

    Although I could change my mind, lol. I do like me some Nigeria.

  • Eleanor

    19 January, 2008 at 14:21 pm

    Well, India did job. Huzzah! And with a certain amount of flair and style too. that defeat couldnt have happened to a nicer bunch of people. Bet they are wishing that India had gone through with their boycott threat after all.

  • Eleanor

    31 January, 2008 at 08:42 am
  • Sueblimely

    11 April, 2008 at 09:51 am

    This post is awesome. I’m impressed by your style – experienced blogger, huh? Added your blog to my favs.