Claiming back my 20 acres.

Cotton - white; pickers - not so muchI finally did it. Deactivated my Facebook account. And you know what? Nothing. I do’t feel anything. Not because I am numb with grief for all those lost hours spent contorting my grammar into weird (but witty) third person statements preceded by ‘is’.Not because I won’t be able to voyeuristically poke into and trawl anonymously through other people’s lives.

I feel nothing because at some point, I stopped caring. Being randomly and repeatedly poked by people too lazy to actually make time to write an email, or even just post on my wall, got tired pretty quickly.

As for the cretin who created that Funwall application, may his bottom be covered in painful pus-filled boils and may his scrotum disappear into the farthest regions of his intestines. And if the creator was a chick, may the batteries in her vibrator always die prematurely like the men in her life and may her breasts be covered in fish-like scales.

Part of me thought the vacuum left by this decision would be hard to fill. But really, what vacuum? Like that McPhee chick sang – “I’m so over it”.

Normal service has resumed.

P.S. Bet you are all singing ‘heard it all before’ but I promise ‘I can change’.

54 Replies to “Claiming back my 20 acres.”

  1. You took the leap. Like I took the leap. Oh, you’ll be back, but this time you’ll realise you don’t NEED Facebook, but it’s cool to just have it somewhere for a weekly look.

    Besides, you have only deactivated your account, it’s still there and hasn’t been deleted yet 🙂 I know!

    Haven’t you noticed my second coming? Very lean, NO applications, removed any ppl not actually my friends. That’s how you do it.

    Good luck in the real world 🙂

  2. I seriously doubt I will be back. I will only get back in to get some email addresses of people I like and then just be done with the whole thing. This article helped put into words my queasiness about the whole FB experience.

    You are talking to a woman who voluntarily simultaneously abstained from alcohol and sex* for a year. What is FB in comparison to that?

  3. p.s. how DO I delete the FB account, coz the only option it gave me was deactivation. When I sent them an email for instructions, they didnt reply.

  4. Damn it. That article should be Required Reading for anyone signing up. LOL no wonder they don’t delete your account when you quit.

    I knew they were potentially evil, but their money IS evil.

  5. I’m still keeping my facebook account though it was originally created for the sole purpose of getting phone numbers after my mobile broke.

    I just joined the Zimbabwe network, for insight into folks there, and it baffles the mind how full of applications, gifts, and other assorted facebook crap everyone has on their pages. That and it appears Zimbos totally love chain emails.

    And if I deleted my bloody account, my girlfriend would ensure that my scrotum would most definitely disappear into the nether regions of my intestines- so I decided to keep both my scrotum and my fecking facebook account.

  6. You can run but you can’t hide from the book of face.

    Eleanor will be living like a fugitive for the next 5 years- always looking over her should thinking “did I see that guy on facebook once?”

  7. JB, thanks for the pointers, they might still have my info on their server, but the FB account itself is no longer in existence, not just deactivated. the whole process took about 5 minutes.

  8. Read about Zinwa cutting you off till Thursday at the earliest. I wonder if State House gets the same treatment, or lack thereof. I cant even begin to imagine the horror of waking up to no water for that long. The raw sewage nyaya of it spilling out on the streets, kids playing in it just makes you want to weep.

  9. I had no power last night you know. South Africa is just as bad pamagetsi apa, but water is aplenty. So you haven’t showered then Joe?

  10. Eskom at least have a schedule dont they? That they tell you about and not guard jealously like a state secret?

  11. Facebook is actually quite depressing!

    My prayer for the week – God give me the strength to quit Facebook – jus like you have given Eleanor. And when I quit may I be a real quitter not like Joe Black who came back after a week.

  12. Oh Elle, I was just about ready to poke your ass as well. Dang!

    I like facebook for now. You can keep tabs without the whole ‘Hey you. how are you? I am fine? How is the weather? Work is boring? have you heard from so and so? ‘ bullshit polite small talk. Far less hard work and the stalking element (which works best on Hi5) is fabulous.

  13. In case you thought I’d let it pass … Gala just how exactly were you expecting to poke Elle in the ass? Cos you’re not anatomically equipped, unless there’s been some drastic changes in your life …

  14. You don’t need to watch porn to be talking about strap ons. All you have to do is walk into any old Ann Summers and you can’t miss them there in the corner next to the ……….(tee hee hee).

  15. Speaking of strap ons, I heard a very disturbing tale the other day of some bloke being unicorned. For those of you with fertile imaginations, I will just give you a few basic details: woman, strap-on on head, his ass. The stuff of which nightmare is made I tell you.

  16. Was it voluntary? Depends, if it was on the news then it wasn’t by choice lol, or was it a ‘story’ in the pub? Tune us.

    Rather disturbing, I must say. Unicorned. Lol

  17. It was her idea, and he concurred. That is definitely one woman who can boast that ‘Nobody can love you like I love you’. Anything else pales in comparison, coz those are some seriously MAD skills. Just think of the logistics of that for a moment if you will….

    JB have your water supplies resumed or are you still making do with dry washes?

  18. 212 all out. Gets even better. Gentleman, its game on.

    At the beginning of this series, I was kinda rooting for Australia to get to 17 wins, now, I would love it if India were the ones to rain on that parade.

  19. 10 million note hey? That should make it fun if your wallet gets nicked. Although considering it doesnt even buy a full chicken…

  20. JB, exterminator extraordinaire.

    Ah, JB, so you are not a cash baron then. Coz you know that money is already at the border before the great unwashed gets its greasy mitts on it.

  21. Anyone know if Benin is any good in football. Drew them in the sweepstakes and am now wondering if I stand a chance in hell at winning myself £20 quid. Also another sweepstakes where I can actually pick something decent. So, who will win the Africa Cup of Nations and where the hell is Zimbabwe?

  22. Well, India did job. Huzzah! And with a certain amount of flair and style too. that defeat couldnt have happened to a nicer bunch of people. Bet they are wishing that India had gone through with their boycott threat after all.

  23. This post is awesome. I’m impressed by your style – experienced blogger, huh? Added your blog to my favs.

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