Being here in the land of the rising sun, its not often that I get to bring out my size 9 dancing shoes. So anywyay, I went to a party a couple of weeks back where I met a white guy. Never having partaken of the fruits of the lighter skinned brothers I must admit I was keen.
Anyway. We got drunk. We got naked. (a most logical progression.) In the course of the evening the lighter shade of pale brother had hastened to mention that he has, and I quote “a very small pee-pee’ unquote. This I took to be a grandiloquent gesture which actually meant ‘I have the biggest dick this side of the equator and you my girl, are going to be screaming my name from the rooftops’ . Or something in that region. Coz no self-respecting man I know plays down the length and breadth of his endowment, so to speak. At this stage alarm bells should have been clanging madly in my head but the signals must have become confused with all the effects of alcohol on my addled brain.
I digress. So, whoever came up with the adage ‘forewarned is forearmed’ had no idea what he was talking about. Coz there are some things that no warning can prepare you for. In this case seeing is definitely disbelieving. Firstly, to deign to call it a pee-pee is cause for concern. Then, after having seen what was on offer, he should definitely drop that second ‘pee’ coz that’s giving that scraggly little less-than-7cm-will-fit-in-my-mouth-in-one-swallow and-I-aint-feeling-you-motherfucker tiny-ass-dick more kudos than it deserves.
Small, is one thing. Very small, is pushing it. Miniature, I am not even going to feign a headache. But that! That forced me into a mercy fuck along the lines of ‘Oh Lord have mercy!?! Where on earth is his member???’ All the kegel exercises, and the tantric breathing, and serpentine undulations and gyrations amount to nought if you have nought to work with. This carpenter is definitely blaming the tools, or distinct lack thereof.
In this life there are some things that cannot be overemphasised, and the porn truism ‘Once you go black there aint no turning back’ certainly holds true and will be topping my truism repertoire henceforth. That, or I should just stick to my plastic battery powered loving.