Brown sugar, white sugar, brown sugar

Being here in the land of the rising sun, its not often that I get to bring out my size 9 dancing shoes. So anywyay, I went to a party a couple of weeks back where I met a white guy. Never having partaken of the fruits of the lighter skinned brothers I must admit I was keen.

Anyway. We got drunk. We got naked. (a most logical progression.) In the course of the evening the lighter shade of pale brother had hastened to mention that he has, and I quote β€œa very small pee-pee’ unquote. This I took to be a grandiloquent gesture which actually meant ‘I have the biggest dick this side of the equator and you my girl, are going to be screaming my name from the rooftops’ . Or something in that region. Coz no self-respecting man I know plays down the length and breadth of his endowment, so to speak. At this stage alarm bells should have been clanging madly in my head but the signals must have become confused with all the effects of alcohol on my addled brain.

I digress. So, whoever came up with the adage ‘forewarned is forearmed’ had no idea what he was talking about. Coz there are some things that no warning can prepare you for. In this case seeing is definitely disbelieving. Firstly, to deign to call it a pee-pee is cause for concern. Then, after having seen what was on offer, he should definitely drop that second ‘pee’ coz that’s giving that scraggly little less-than-7cm-will-fit-in-my-mouth-in-one-swallow and-I-aint-feeling-you-motherfecker tiny-ass-dick more kudos than it deserves.

Small, is one thing. Very small, is pushing it. Miniature, I am not even going to feign a headache. But that! That forced me into a mercy feck along the lines of ‘Oh Lord have mercy!?! Where on earth is his member???’ All the kegel exercises, and the tantric breathing, and serpentine undulations and gyrations amount to nought if you have nought to work with. This carpenter is definitely blaming the tools, or distinct lack thereof.

In this life there are some things that cannot be overemphasised, and the porn truism ‘Once you go black there aint no turning back’ certainly holds true and will be topping my truism repertoire henceforth. That, or I should just stick to my plastic battery powered loving.

47 Replies to “Brown sugar, white sugar, brown sugar”

  1. hahahahaha. See? Men do tell the truth sometimes! The dude knew what he was talking about, sister.

    That dude is probably telling all his chinas about how he tapped that black ass. You sure he didn’t put it on you? Didn’t he go down-town or sum’in?

    I’m so glad I was born….black πŸ™‚

  2. well – u know u’ve ruined the brother for life…coz now that “HE’S gone black…”
    And he will spend the rest of his life in the pursuit of (what will probably be for him) the elusive Black “big O”…

  3. If anyone out there is still being told by their girlfriend, that size doesnt matter, and still believing it, you had better pray that you have a lot of money. Coz she is definitely not sticking around for any lurrving that she isnt getting from you.

  4. But surely you’re pleased that the brother came out with the truth? Ain’t you tired of fools who tell you they’re gonna put it on you, then…can’t? Hahaha

  5. I dont know why aefro chicque is getting so upset, the brutha from day one revealed his weakness but now its his fault that she wasnt listening ???? I tell u, being a man is not for the faint-hearted, he tells the truth he is in shit, he lies he is shit, either way he is in shit!!!!

  6. I cannot lay any blame at all on Fellow Sister aChicque for “not listening” As a woman who has a bit of a penchant for the fairer skinned variety of the male species, we’re used to hearing guys either downplay or overexaggerate the level of their prowess/size of their member so we have learnt to tune out the trailers and wait only for the feature presentation part of the night (or day)…

    A rather lengthy illustration of my point follows:

    A gentleman asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an attractive woman he spotted dining alone. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, “This is from the gentleman seated over there,” Indicating the sender. She regarded the wine coolly for a second, not looking at the man, and
    decided to send a reply note to the man. The waiter, who was lingering for a response, took the note from her
    and conveyed it to the gentleman.

    The note read:
    “For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants.”

    After reading the note, the man decided to compose one of his own in return. He folded the note, handed it to the waiter and instructed him to return this to the woman.

    It read:
    “For your information, I have a Ferrari Maranello, a BMW Z8, a Mercedes CL600 and a Porsche Turbo in my garage. There is over twenty million dollars in my bank account.
    But, not even for a woman as beautiful as you, would I cut three inches off. Just send the bottle back.”

    Take him home all excited and guess what you’ll probably find out…he was planning on borrowing seven inches somewhere between the restuarant and your place!!! THAT MY BROTHERS IS THE REASON WHY WE DON’T HEAR WHAT U SAY IN THE PROMO PART OF THE EVENING!!!

  7. Yeah, very funny. BUT! how much of a diff is there between us brothas, in general, and those fairer-skinned blokes of yyours?

    Is it not fair tosay that, generally, you’re setting yourself up for a bit of disappointment if you’ve got Da Jungly Feva?

  8. handichatambi nemabhunu futi! this business of drinking at other people’s wells, definitely not for me. my main manTupac wa’nt wrong when he stated: the darker the berry, the sweeter the juice

  9. One must learn to take calculated risks! besides one cannot live on brown bread alone…it’s just to mix up the flavas a tad. and it’s a biiiig biiig world with lots to offer- hatinga sevi nebeef everyday, tino mboti chicken and fish every once in a while.

  10. I pulled this quote from an earlier rustygate article

    “And that’s where women get it wrong, you demand far too much and then are disappointed when your man fails to meet your exceedingly high expectations. Life is simple, people just complicate issues unnecessarily.

    13. Andy Tee |
    Its easier to demand for boobs that you can see – are you gonna be asking guys to show you their dicks and pop out their tounges. Good demand thou”

  11. Squire, lengthy quotes are just an excuse for lazy people to plagiarise.

    Andy Tee, facetiousness is terribly unbecoming. Signs of life, along the lines of, that must be a gun in your pocket or you are really happy to see me, would suffice.

    Lollipop, I’m with Joe, dzokera kumusha uyamwe shamwari. there is a reason why staple food IS staple food, coz it hits your spot EVERY TIME!!!!

  12. Joe wants to accommodate his lollipop in you Lollipop. sounds like some cheesy 50 cent lyric.

  13. A general question to the dark skinned brothers: how many of you are willing to go down south to get a sister to get hers. Coz in this day age, things like that should be reciprocated? Brothers always be talking about how they put it on a girl, but how many of you REALLY put it on her?

  14. Ya guys, do tell us honestly. How many would initiate such, without having to be asked and if not, why not?

  15. Ya guys, do tell us honestly. How many of you would initiate such, without having to be asked and if not, why not? Is it something that you are comfortable doing?

  16. In the past i have always offered the ladies a taste of their honey pot without been asked to. “it is in giving that you recieve”…

  17. Mate what would i have to gain by lying… I read a lot of sosmo to keep in touch with my feminine side, hense my ability to show the ladies that I am DOWN for it….and the funny thing is i end up getting head first before i do the deed…

  18. To split hairs as it were, GRAW, have you had any honest feedback about your performance, coz a lot of women will tell you that a brother has gone down, but for all the foraging and fumbling and awkward machinations, he should jolly well just have stayed up. And GRAW, reading SOSMO as you call it, has obviously not helped your spelling. Spending all that time downtown must have cut off the oxygen supply to your brain and messed around with your spelling motor neurons.

  19. Ndiri pa drought shamwari! Ndafa nenzara mumwe wangu! Kuno hakuite shamwari, kusuwa bedzi! A hungry man, and all that.

  20. feed back..the only feed back i need is for her to say “please GRAW” lets do it again…. and SOSMO is the zhing version of cosmo! but meant for native peeps.

  21. G.R.A.W bet you don’t have a girlfriend, cos any woman catching you with a Sosmo collection would run like hell πŸ™‚

    By the way, is that Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter, by any chance?

  22. Dear Graw

    I apologise for my earlier venom and vitriol. Having taken an informal snap survey among my male counterparts and got feedback from them about their girls` performance down south, I now understand that even the sistaz not be doing it rite ya`ll! so I take back everything that I said before. Well, except the bit about the spelling.

  23. yeah it is ghost recon.. i am playing it at the moment hence the inspiration to be called GRAW. And joe i have a girlfriend. Aefro chick its all good.i understand, you are starved of good “dick” hence your frustration towards a man who hits the spot every time… I bet you wish i was there right now….alas

  24. man, I dont know, I prefer to let results speak for themselves. I believe in the strong silent type myself. You know what they say about actions speaking louder than words. And there is no need to put dick in inverted commas, coz we are not being ironic here, we are being cold hard brutally honest.

  25. ok, to move away just a bit from this scintillating conversation. My story of the week, courtesy of Mail and Guardian.

    A young South African was on Monday fined by a local court for playing hooky from work and trying to cover it with a fake gynaecologist’s certificate attesting he was pregnant and needed a week off.

    A magistrate’s court in Vereeniging, near Johannesburg, fined 27-year-old Charles Sibindana R1 000 for the brazen forgery, the South African Press Association news agency reported.

    Sibindana stole a medical certificate from a health centre used by his pregnant girlfriend but was apparently unaware that only women consulted gynaecologists.

    Magistrate Bruno van Eeden jokingly warned Sibindana “not to walk around faking sick letters from gynaecologists”. — AFP

  26. I couldn’t understand some parts of this article   Brown sugar, white sugar, brown sugar, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.

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