Dear Bev

I’ll start by saying I love what you do. I love the concept, the idea, the whole she-bang (yes, I just did that).

And so I watched your “jailhouse video” the other day.

I strongly believe in personal freedom, civil liberties and free will. I believe an adult is free to use their body in any way they feel like.

I even strongly support the decriminalisation, regulation and subsequent taxation of recreational drug use and prostitution. So a little stripping and sexy dancing is alright with me.

I just have one small issue to discuss. Do you have a retirement plan?

You’re a pioneer, Bev. You’re the trailblazer, the maverick, the firestarter. That is awesome. You are to erotic dance what Edgar Langeveldt is to standup comedy. You, Bev, are the Godmother.

But what’s gonna happen when the hot girls follow your lead and get in the game? When the actual, sexy, pretty young things start stripping? It will all be over, Bev.

Like I said, I love what you do, but let’s be honest, dearie … you’re not hot enough. Your act isn’t sexy. It’s awkward. It’s like listening to me playing the guitar. It’s painful. You can’t look away, but your inner child is soiling himself in shared humiliation.

So thank you for all you’ve contributed towards the liberalisation of the archaic Zimbabwean mindset.

But let’s be honest … you can’t pull this off.

Stop. Please.


16 Replies to “Dear Bev”

  1. OH Rusty I never pegged you for a hater i mean seriously she has talent as a dancer and don’t be blinkered as a godmother she will start a school teach the other women how to strut it… seriously pa unenge washaya zvekunyora

  2. The most over-abused word in the world: hater. Do you even know what a hater is? Am I not very clear in what I said? Can you not READ?


    Let me explain this, very simply, since I seem to be dealing with a simpleton.

    I love what she does.

    She’s just not pretty enough to do it.

  3. it’s all very new to Zim. she is the mango phone to the SIII’s that will follow. do your thang Berv

  4. i like the analogy,
    i respect her hustle,
    but yes,
    i’ve seen younger, hotter strippers who do their sexy shit waaay better,
    and i’ve seen young bhawa hoochies pop their ass in that other way – fact i was getting ass popped in my face this past weekend … erm …

    i dont think she should stop though,
    free market and all,
    she’s got her market,
    to fuck with the analogy a bit more,
    she can be like my $20 nokia phone – it makes and receives calls and smses – core functions,
    bev is female, she dances and strips – and gets dicks hard – core functions,
    doesnt stop samsung releasing the S3 galaxy,
    each to what they can afford,
    Londoners = Bev,
    bachelor pad with loot to spread = hot stripper with apps 🙂

  5. ummmmm ok, is this video about Bev or is it some kind of over the top advert for PACIFIC STORM cigarettes?

    a.) all the cops are smoking PACIFIC STORM cigarettes

    b.) they all hold the box of PACIFIC STORM cigarettes carefully, making sure the logo is always visible. (in a way that a normal smoker would not hold a box of gwaies

    c.) the poster for PACIFIC STORM cigarettes on the wall.

    just sayin…

  6. all in all, there is quite a lot of ‘deliberate’ focus on the PACIFIC STORM cigarettes, damn clever if you ask me.

  7. sorry have been away but the urban dictionary of a hater is-A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. u can sigh all you want but dont be HATER..recognise son

  8. I watched the video and i asked myself what does she think she is doing dancing erotica no ways the video waste of time maybe guys go to watch the bottle routine but after watching the video was not interested at all in even going to watch Bev

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