Okay really, I must have, like, these horns growing out my skull, a forked tail and a trident sticking outta me somewhere, cos everyone be like, hey y’all you got Jesus? Jesus Christ!
So there I was last night, needing to meet my bruv in Borrowdale so I could get a lift home. Chilling on 7th Street minding my own shit, and here comes this little cutie. I scope out the bag, and there it is – the Good Book. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against religion or anything, hell I’m for it if keeps people happy and peaceful and shit. It’s just not, you know, for me.
Anyway, we exchange a few glances and I think, it’s on, we exchange names (she’s a very cute and high-pitched “Rachel”) and so forth. So she’s like, where you going? I’m like, to Sam Levy’s, you know, I’m feeling like parking in the Scud & Donkey for a coupla hours and drink some beer, you know how we do. She’s like, oh, I’m going to church, wanna come? I’m like, no I don’t want to come to church with you.
She gets all offended, like I bit her ear off, then I really start to unload on her. I’m like, no i’m not being rude or unpleasant or unfriendly here at the bus-stop, baby, but damn! why can’t people ever have a simple conversation without bringing up divisive topics like religion, politics or whatever. I’m like, why couldn’t this just have been hi, I’m Joe, you Rachel, weather’s nice, you in finance I’m in computers, blah blah here’s my number poof! That would have been so nice, but noooo, she’s here tryina convert a brother. So I said, why don’t we meet here same time next week, you on your way to youth or meeting or whatever, and we start again? And that’s how it ended.
And now, my homie AT sends me a song, and it starts, and I’m thinking, nice and “rocky”, opening riffs go like that Smallvile song, and the Creed-wannabe dude comes on, and there they go, asking Jesus to come down and save them, blah blah. I mean come on!
Do I look so bad that every Christian I meet feels an urgent calling to convert me? I’m not so bad, in fact i’m a downright alright bloke, and bet I do more for the ordinary man on the street than some o’ y’all BACs (born again etc) out there…
Somebody save me.