Do I have horns on my head?

Okay really, I must have, like, these horns growing out my skull, a forked tail and a trident sticking outta me somewhere, cos everyone be like, hey y’all you got Jesus? Jesus Christ!

So there I was last night, needing to meet my bruv in Borrowdale so I could get a lift home. Chilling on 7th Street minding my own shit, and here comes this little cutie. I scope out the bag, and there it is – the Good Book. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against religion or anything, hell I’m for it if keeps people happy and peaceful and shit. It’s just not, you know, for me.

Anyway, we exchange a few glances and I think, it’s on, we exchange names (she’s a very cute and high-pitched “Rachel”) and so forth. So she’s like, where you going? I’m like, to Sam Levy’s, you know, I’m feeling like parking in the Scud & Donkey for a coupla hours and drink some beer, you know how we do. She’s like, oh, I’m going to church, wanna come? I’m like, no I don’t want to come to church with you.

She gets all offended, like I bit her ear off, then I really start to unload on her. I’m like, no i’m not being rude or unpleasant or unfriendly here at the bus-stop, baby, but damn! why can’t people ever have a simple conversation without bringing up divisive topics like religion, politics or whatever. I’m like, why couldn’t this just have been hi, I’m Joe, you Rachel, weather’s nice, you in finance I’m in computers, blah blah here’s my number poof! That would have been so nice, but noooo, she’s here tryina convert a brother. So I said, why don’t we meet here same time next week, you on your way to youth or meeting or whatever, and we start again? And that’s how it ended.

And now, my homie AT sends me a song, and it starts, and I’m thinking, nice and “rocky”, opening riffs go like that Smallvile song, and the Creed-wannabe dude comes on, and there they go, asking Jesus to come down and save them, blah blah. I mean come on!

Do I look so bad that every Christian I meet feels an urgent calling to convert me? I’m not so bad, in fact i’m a downright alright bloke, and bet I do more for the ordinary man on the street than some o’ y’all BACs (born again etc) out there…

Somebody save me.

6 Replies to “Do I have horns on my head?”

  1. Hehe.. something must have touched you abt the song AT sent. You cant keep running away from salvation..remember – He knew you before you were born and your destiny lies in His hands. The very fact that you dont know when you will die is enuff to tell you that you dnt control you living mate. Bottom line is there is Joe you can run but you cant hide – SOMEONE SAVE US

  2. What, so it’s not allowed for one to have different beliefs from yours? Even if they have *no* beliefs by your definition? Whatever happened to live and let live?

    Okay, do you see many non-believers goin around telling y’all to turn around, you wasting your time, there is no God and all sorts of truck like that? Not that it is how I feel, but I’m saying, why does the Christian doctrine rely so heavily on conversion and advocacy, evven where it’s not wanted? Especially where it’s not wanted?

    I mean, leave me be, if I have a maker to meet, and I’m unprepared, so be it. Tsitsi dzei?

  3. Well… if its a matter of “live and let live” – it makes the issue even more interestin. Because BACs (as you call them) are called out to go into the world and make disciples and spread the good news it becomes a calling to act. Its their duty to do that to give you an oppurtunity to become brand new. I dnt want to get all religious- but I am shocked you get so touchy when someone tells you abt salvation. I know its diffcult for one to beilieve in something you cant see – but this is were faith comes in. I think Christianity is about caring and christians care enuff to want you and I to be SAVED. I just think HELL is too hot – and its worth joining the Christian band wagon

  4. Joe, your swashbuckling vaneer is enough to scare many a holy roller. Underneath it all you’re just as soft as those sweets we used to buy when we were kids…Zadzandama…I think they were called. Some woman is going to crack you one day and before you know it, YOU will convert for HER…Remy Zero were singing about something totally different in that song “Save Me”.

    The distruction of a man by a woman….Poignant N’est pas?

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