From a standing start

You’re a striker. You haven’t scored in 15 hours of football for your new club. Your mate wins a penalty, and up you step, gamely placing the ball on the spot. The Portsmouth keeper has no chance, we reckon.

A hush falls over the crowd…you promised to jump into, arguably, the most famous end in football ground history, The Kop, if you score. A few wary old-timers and youngsters in the front rows look on with understandable trepidation as you line up the kick…

…and Jamie Ashdown blocks it! But hang on, here’s Zenden, the man who won the bloody penalty in the first place, to head it in, the crowd goes wild, Liverpool have opened the scoring, but you can only smile ruefully: how much easier can it be?

You are Peter Crouch, a worthless giraffe of a footballer.

5 Replies to “From a standing start”

  1. Poor guy.. I am sure he just has too much pressure mounting on him now. He played well I watched the game…. and even created a chance for Morientis… he will do fine. Poor giraffe

  2. A rich giraffe to say the least. Mind you he did score a genuine goal against Tottenham only to be ruled out by a dubious LINESMAN (ref’s assisstant my arse).

  3. Almost everyone has been saying that for the last three years, the funy thing is he is going to play in the world cup.. Not bad for a usless chap hey??

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