Hairy Poofter and the Half-Baked Plot

If you love Harry Potter movies and you haven’t watched the latest one, stop reading now.

I acquired a copy of the latest one, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and barely got half-way before Minnie (a true Harry Potter fan) decided sleeping was a better idea!

I did manage to notice a few things through the fog of boredom (and Parmalat’s yoghurt with chocolate chips, I mean WTF?).

Harry the Plotter is gay, and would rather play with a old graying wizard than a young coloured girl. Pick me coach.

Hermione the Girl is old enough to play with love potions, and apparently turns into a leaky fawcett around Ron. Looking like an Olsen twin probably doesn’t help.

Ron the Sidekick is ginger. ‘Nuff said.

Draco the Malfoy prances about like he just swallowed some dog-shit. Also gay.

Dumbledore is old, Hagrid is Hagrid and everything is everything.

Oh, and Harry Potter is Voldemort. Sigh.

Give us a fucking break. Is there no-one brave enough to make a real film adaptation? Lord of the Rings was awesome, and if we’re talking fantasy I’d love to see some real stuff come out.

Like Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series, who’s got the balls to tackle that? Stephen King’s Dark Tower series may be off-the-map weird, but that’s a challenge.

Someone please, please cast cruciatus on me, it couldn’t be much worse.

Make it stop, please make it stop.

10 Replies to “Hairy Poofter and the Half-Baked Plot”

  1. ohhhh no, you didn’t just crap on my movie!! now i cant work up the energy to finish. you’re right though, maybe as they get older the characters get less interesting. cuter, but less interesting. and harry is not voldemort iwe. you’ll have to watch it again from the beginning mister.

  2. Well he might not be Voldemort but he IS following in Voldemort’s footsteps, isn’t?

    Let’s confess Mrs, it’s a shit movie. As for you, maybe you should try finishing it, LOL.

  3. actually watched it at the cinema. it’s watchable. adaptations – JK is heavily involved in this so it has the author’s blessing.

  4. Ah ah ah! You dare to drag my beloved Harry’s legacy in the mud, are you mad! Iwe, read the books from the beginning and stay clear of the movies.

  5. Wait. Is this one of those cases where ‘Gay’ is used as a synonym for ‘shitty’? It’s hard to tell.

    And on the Dumbledore front, you’re an ass, JB!

  6. Ooh, but I tell you who was gay, Frodo and Sam. The homoeroticism was even more apparent in the book. You read the book, JB? Because if you had, you’d probably hate the films.

  7. I read the books (there are six books, grouped into three volumes) before I watched the films. The adaptation was pretty faithful, and every character lived and beathed almost exactly the way Tolkien wrote them.

    So if you read the books, and hated the films, I don’t know what to say to you.

    As for Blumbidore, fuck him, he dies, and Several Snakes killed him. As for gay, gay means gay, not crap, not shitty (although …), but gay.

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