If you love Harry Potter movies and you haven’t watched the latest one, stop reading now.
I acquired a copy of the latest one, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, and barely got half-way before Minnie (a true Harry Potter fan) decided sleeping was a better idea!
I did manage to notice a few things through the fog of boredom (and Parmalat’s yoghurt with chocolate chips, I mean WTF?).
Harry the Plotter is gay, and would rather play with a old graying wizard than a young coloured girl. Pick me coach.
Hermione the Girl is old enough to play with love potions, and apparently turns into a leaky fawcett around Ron. Looking like an Olsen twin probably doesn’t help.
Ron the Sidekick is ginger. ‘Nuff said.
Draco the Malfoy prances about like he just swallowed some dog-shit. Also gay.
Dumbledore is old, Hagrid is Hagrid and everything is everything.
Oh, and Harry Potter is Voldemort. Sigh.
Give us a fucking break. Is there no-one brave enough to make a real film adaptation? Lord of the Rings was awesome, and if we’re talking fantasy I’d love to see some real stuff come out.
Someone please, please cast cruciatus on me, it couldn’t be much worse.
Make it stop, please make it stop.