I just want to take this chance to congratulate you on your new-found status.
As King of Assholes, I like to greet each new member of our club personally, and would like to take this opportunity to say welcome, Econet. Welcome.
I’ve watched your steady rise from persecuted underdog, when the establishment was against you and we, the people, stood behind you and fought your fight, voting with our wallets.
Through your meteoric rise, ballooning profits and regional expansion, we saw what guts and perseverance can do for even the smallest of us. You gave us hope, that however humble your beginnings are, you can rise to the top.
So there you are, big dawg, the big kahuna, king of the hill and network-in-chief. But still, it wasn’t enough.
There was one more stage in your transition to becoming The Asshole, and that was the fool Move.
That day has finally arrived. Telecel were moving in, grabbing increasing chunks of market share with their Mega Bonus promos (I mean, who does that?) and Usave fast broadband speeds (like, where are they getting the bandwidth?). So you had to do something, right?
Your head-stomping of Telecel, without so much as a peep of warning to your customers that they wouldn’t be receiving calls from that puny, annoyingly innovative network anymore?
That’s a fool Move that I, your new King, greatly approve of.
Once again, well done guys. It’s always hard to go from underdog to bully, but you’ve accomplished it with such finesse and aplomb.
The entire United Nations of Assholes salute you.
Now it’s time claim your prize, which is right here at the end of my middle finger.
feck you very much, and have a nice day.