Jonathan Moyo: Back to Bedlam

Zimbabweans need no introduction to “The Nutty” Professor Jonathan Moyo. The architect of the BSA, AIPPA and POSA is a legend both here and abroad. Just ask Moeletsi Mbeki.

He’s as famous for his deeds as his fabled oratory skills, and has been known to say stuff such as this:

“We have to secure the gains of the Third Chimurenga in legal terms and Government is considering a number of options. The so-called successful white farmers were made by successive colonial governments. But given the level of the support they enjoyed and the vast tracts of land they commanded, an inescapable conclusion is that they were an inefficient lot. Much of commercial farmland was under-utilised. Moving forward means crafting legislation that consolidates and puts a final seal of legality to the gains we have made through the fast-track programme. We are aware that white commercial farmers who used to be on the land have refused to surrender title deeds to Government.”

Having gained a reputation as something of a turn-coat, he’s also written things like this:

“Let’s face it, in politics the only political party that can survive without an ideology is the one in power which abuses its incumbency by making state institutions and state resources extensions of its party for reasons of patronage. That is what is keeping Zanu PF together, because Zanu PF is now a dead duck on the shelf, only breathing from the evils of state security and the abuse of state funds. Otherwise, like the MDC, Zanu PF does not have a coherent ideology shared by its members and is no longer capable of coming up with one. … Remember, all Zanu PF wants is to have its geriatrics become senators so as to collect state funds, etc. This will be used as campaigning ground for the presidential elections that Zanu PF is currently afraid of.”

For those who expected the honourable member for Tsholotsho to go quietly into that good night, it may come as a surprise (or not) that “old big-head” is heading back to Zanu-PF. His ally in the crafting the above-mentioned (allegedly draconian) legislation had this to say:

“If indeed it is true, I would like to say welcome home to him,” said Chinamasa. “He has done so much for the party. I hope that his application would be favourable. I worked well with him, as you know. He made immense contribution to our fight against imperialism and neo-colonialism. He ranks among the patriots in the party.”

So, good old Jonathan Moyo is returning to the party of “geriatrics”, to serve at the pleasure of President Robert Mugabe (head of state and government and conmander in chief of the zimbabwe defence forces) who “has had his better days after a quarter of a century in power.” We guess he’ll continue to be a “critic of government policy” like he was during his five years in government.

Jonathan Moyo, that walking paradox of Zimbabwean politics, returns to the party he has in turns filleted and fellated* over the years, and the nation breathes a worthless sigh and moves on.

Oh feck it, it’s Friday – whisky will numb the pain.

* By fellated, I’m in no way implying that Jonathan Moyo has sucked anybody’s dick; the use is purely rhetorical and instructive of his dedication to the cause, when he was part of the cause