So many Christmases…

Cartoons - delusional

Talk of music from back in the day made me realise that my spring chicken status is fast becoming an off layer status (without having laid; being laid doesn’t count). I have eaten many Christmases. This prompted a quick trip down the memory lane of my misspent youth. Don’t regret a minute of it though.

Remember when back in the day, if you were lucky enough to have a walkman, and you would save on batteries by not pressing the fast forward/rewind button, but instead take a ballpoint pen and spin the tape around. And as presents went, it was cool to give other people mix tapes. As long as you made sure to erase the bit where the DJ was announcing the number of the hit on Hitsville.

Then there were afternoon sessions at Archies. Gigging at 3pm and getting home in time before the parents got home from work. And if you were lucky, there might still have been some cartoons on TV that were actually worth watching (Voltron with the 5 lions immediately springs to mind, the Transformers wasn’t bad either). And you read comics like Archie and Jughead and had a whole barter system going on.

What about the days before mobile phones, where the best you could do was leave a message with the maid, and hope to God that the person you were meeting had actually left the house. No being hounded by irate partners demanding ‘Urikupi?’ in that irate demanding partner kind of way.

When it was still cool to wear your clothes backwards. That or those MC Hammer baggies. And you had a boxcut to match, coz you couldn’t get no Jerry Curl.

Being able to actually buy an ice cream for less than a dollar, AND have change.

Riding the bus home because your parents had better things to do with their time than to pick you up from school. After all, they dropped you off the morning. Loving it coz you could meet boys and girls from other schools. When Zupco was actually still reliable and even had a timetable. That they followed.

Your parents had two cars: one each. Your dream was not to be bequeathed the latest Mercedes or BMW, but simply be bestowed with the good fortune of being allowed to drive THE CAR one utopic day.

You didn’t know what powercuts were. Having no electricity was the preserve of the rural communities.

All the white girls wanted to be Shannon Doherty and all the white guys Luke Perry, but the rest of us got nada from the Beverly Hills ninety two ten (a la Zimbabwean) crew. Mr T was about as close to TV role models as most black people got. The guy from Miami Vice didnt really count coz he was just Don Johnson’s side kick. And of course there was only one TV in the house, and one station, so options weren’t many, but we did alright.

Having to go kumusha during the school holidays and hating it coz frankly you were denied all your creature comforts like running water and flushing toilets, no electricity and all its attendant glories. Oh wait, let me think, that’s modern day Zim.

And the joy of being able to go to THE SHOW during the August holidays and Luna Park. Well, it was a big deal in H.

Finally discovering the joys of Circus and clubbing at night. Dancing until your feet hurt and your back gave in, but refusing to get off the dance floor coz you still had to do your thing and practise those moves that you saw on Sounds on Saturday.

Halcyon days.

p.s. Salt n Pepa, let’s NOT talk about sex, we will be having none of that here.

122 Replies to “So many Christmases…”

  1. LOL I’ve never seen anything more pathetic than the Voltron with the cars, that shit was played out!

    I remember cruising for chicks at the Harare show, and DJ-ing at a school gig with my trusty Eversharp as the main tool of the trade.

    The first time I drove a car, and inevitably stalled (damn champion shift!).

  2. Oh dear, that slimy guy from Miami Vice was not the man for me. I was in love with Brandon from BH90210.

  3. McGyver was a’ite, as was Michael Knight. Who would win in a fight between the two? Coz Mike was good at kicking ass, but McGyver could make bombs out of table salt and a teaspoon.

  4. Fuck that. Michael was too lanky. Be spending half his time finding hos centre of gravity. Mac didnt even use a gun and could hold his wn in a fight. Okay, so he probably lost but he didnt need some ponsy car bailing him out. Without his watch Michael would be nothing. That was the problem with the baddies, if they took away the watch, they could stand a chance. Oh, confession, i was so in love with Mac that i carried around a little toolkit equiped with a pair of tweezers, a metal nal file and a rusty nail in m socks just in case. Managed to pull it out once on the tennis court to untie a tight knot in the net. I must have looked a right Plonker.

  5. I dont know though, coz Mike didnt have to rely on his wits so much, coz he had the talking car. Mac just had the bust up jalopy jeep of his that was run on a wing and a prayer. And bits of bric a brac that he hadnt used to make his latest IEDs

  6. Mushaz: AMEN! That Simon MacCorkindale dude, or whatever his name was, was the greatest! And when he started his transformation, that was the coolest. But to be fair, he had superpowers, the others didnt.

  7. The hell is manimal? Never got to watch Big foot. My mother was stingy with fixing the tele. Never even had the chance to see Dynasty and Dallas. All my knowledge was second hand. only soap i got to watch were Falcon Crest and Santa Barbara. And the ultimate ass kicking hero was Kungfu. Was thrilled to ee his ass back in action in Kill Bill.

  8. ‘You killed my father’s only son, now I am going to kill you. Waaaaa!!’

  9. Bionic Woman, and everything in slow motion. And that music to accompany it. Cartoons: He-man and Shera.

  10. What is wrong with yall?


    Thundercats are go!

  11. Denver the last dinosaur. I always wondered how come the white kids had all the fun. Look at Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys.

  12. Magnum wouldn’t need to twitch a finger to kill anybody, that facial hair would just swallow them whole. If the obscenity of those shorts hadn’t blinded them already.

  13. Galadriel, I’m so sorry you never got see the great romance that was Bobby and Pam…*sigh*

    “Far very far from here, some two thousand miles away,
    that’s where they live and work and plaaaaay…”

  14. Being a smurf is good so that’s why we sing all day,
    we’re doing things the smurfy waaaaaaay…

    Good times

  15. I’m not sure how I got to this site, but you guys are absolutely hysterical. Great banter between what I assume are real life friends. After reading half the archives, when I should have been working, figured it’s only right to give some props for the site.


  16. Cheers Alias, I’m running for Ruler of the World next term, I’ll count on your vote πŸ˜‰

    Seriously though – remember NBA, English Football, Transworld Sport and all that on ZBC?

  17. Rainbow! Bungle and zippy! what always vexed me was that zippy could never unzip his own mouth! WHAT THE F$%K!

  18. It was the fingers, dude. Didn’t he only have two fingers and a thumb? Although I guess they were fine for stroking George’s pen… *snip*

  19. And didnt Zippy or the other one become outed recently. Yes, I said one of the puppets was gay. So ahead of their time FAbulous. Who had eyes of a hawk, speed like a puma, strangth of a bear and all that. Oh, and you mus not forget Sonic, same story everytime but you had to see it everytime. And Xmen, they never actually won anything and the story never ended.

    One channel, really. That is tragic. Five terrestrail here and even that aint enough.

    Pele, do I know you. Were you in form four in 1999.

    Alias, no one on this blog knows who I am (I hope) although I know who about a third of them are.

  20. you told me yourself girl…

    Baby I think she’s worried I’ll out her. Of course I won’t Gala, it’s our little secret…

  21. me thinks everyone should come clean and stop using ma fake names! coz i am worried half of the peops here will end up been one person.I know JB accounts for at least a fifth of the contributers on this blogg. talk about vote rigging, and you have the nerve to say BOB is bad!

  22. slander! actually, we’re getting loads of unique visitors and the number is growing – many of the people don’t comment.

    so GRAW, I have never needed to rig votes, unlike “others” my content speaks for itself.

  23. mate we need to take this blogg global. but to the extent that the peeps contributing continue to do so in a meaningful manner!what say you i will work on the marketing now

  24. Like they say, those who know, know. Telling you the name on my beth isnt going to deter my nefarious activities.

    I would love to meet Gala, to put the face behind the ideas. Coz you know how people don’t often match up to what you imagine because of how they sound/act/talk. Gala, you do have ten toes and 8 fingers like the rest of us, right?

  25. ‘Allo Allo’ with RRRRReeneee, that dodgy philandering caff owner. ‘Listen very carefully I shall say this only once!’ ‘You stupid woman, can’t you see that this girl is. (some tired as excuse that Edith fell for every time)”

  26. I’d love to meet Gala too… maybe we could do the spa thing, followed by lunch. AC, not all of us are quite as willing to admit the 8 finger thing lol – perhaps an afternoon of manicuring’d assist. Gala? πŸ˜‰

  27. Maybe a pedicure…? As Frankie Dettori would happily tell you, flying dismounts off high horses have a rather undesirable effect on one’s toes…. innit Gala??
    (re: Revenge of the Underdog, April 10th 2007, comment No.9)

  28. Hmmm, mystery and intrigue indeed.

    The thing is, the anonymity (imagined of course) of the interweb gives us licence to talk like never would, act like we never would and be who we really wanna be.

    I’ll tell ya, if every blog commenter in the world were forced to use their real and traceable identity, the network of pipes would a much…quieter place.

    I like it the way it is.

  29. Tino, let’s have a sing along:

    Bananas in pyjamas are coming down the stairs……

  30. zveshuwa mapenzi tawanda. Do they still have those crazy mad men on First Street all along the stretch between Samora Machel and Speke. Or were they Murambatsvina-ed.

  31. ok i will be brave enuff to tell you my real name, Crankshaft Phiri is the name i go by. guys we cant forget that old ambuya lady(who looked like BOB) used to come out on thursdays, think it was called Look and Learn or was it look and listen, or was that a magazine…

  32. How do you shorten Crankshaft? Crank or Shaft? I would go with Shaft. If only that it conjures up some glorious images.

  33. JB, you are an old Jameson boy. Do you know whatever happened to Clive Chadhani?

  34. GRAW – lol lol lol Crankshaft Phiri

    The vagrants were all cleaned out, but they’ve been replaced by a younger, faster model now!

    I remember Clive did articles or accounts or somefink, then I think he went to Ingrand. Where do you know him from?

  35. Clive and I was hoodrats. He lived like 2 minutes walk from my brother and was friends with my older brother. You might know him coz he was a Jameson boy as well, Michael Madziva right about the same time.

  36. Question: why will black people be so sadistic when naming their children, I have heard of a Kitchenfloor and Hadiknown (read had-I-known) and Loveless. Ko ana Tendai nana Rudo?

  37. Good God GRAW!?!?!?!!? What on earth did I say to give you that impression? Whatever it is, I take it back, and wash my mouth out with soap a gazillion times, and cut off my thumbs so that I can’t type anything further.

  38. You lost me. Were you peeps taking the piss out of me while I was on my way over here? I just came in to all this banter about me and I am not sure whether its all negative. Que pasa?

    JB, I dont recall ever having mentioned who I bes, but if I did, I didnt mean to.

  39. Gala, taking the piss out of you is never negative, we know you are a trooper, taking one for the team and all that.

    Going back to old fillims, Mukadota. Danger Mouse.

  40. So you WERE hatin on me. Just wanted to know where I stand.

    Who remembers the Highwayman. Anyone ever notice how extremely lame the ZBC Dramas were. Oh, and just or a giggle. Who remembers that ad with a mother trying to talk her daughter into talking about anything to her. The actress could not bring herself to say the word ‘sex’. That was hilarious. And how about the one with the daughter telling her mother that she was being abused by her uncle, what the hell did she say? ‘He……’? I can’t believe how prudish Zmbabwe is.

  41. It’s difficult to find a job these days…
    …especially for me.
    Cos when they find out I have a mental illness….
    *SLAM* *SLAM*

  42. Roland Rat was the greatest. Roung The Bend. Wurzel Gummidge? and my all-time favourites Saturdee and Skippy

  43. ok i guess i was really touched with that ad, till this day i am emotionally attached to it, and when ever anyone speaks of it i feel they are taking the mickey! my bad JB!

  44. This is more recent though, but the Protector Plus ad, ‘I’ve lost my friend!’ (pronounced freynd)

  45. oi, oi, your little mutual self congratulation society is forgetting the catalyst of it all. Natives. such ingrates.

  46. why do things in half measures, am well up to it in the other six, so may as well complete the heptuplet.

  47. You’re in the right direction (Oliver for BATA-Sandak). They still making those and is Bata still striving?

  48. Does anyone remember this advert

    mee-a mee-a can’t you see
    the best baked beans in Zimbabwe

  49. LOL I remember that one, it was awesome.

    What was that one with all the Saints boys? “We want buttercup” or something silly, lol

  50. G>R>A>W Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter when i jjoined the blog this was the game i was playing and so much into. Infact i should change it now as i am into Gears of War!

  51. AE is the Greek E, my proper name begins with an E. then I have decided to grow my hair and have a proper fro, i.e. afro, so I combined the two. Then chicque was a combination of chic and queen, so there is an awful lot going on with my moniker. together it gives an afro (hair) afro (african) street savvy kind of feel, me thinks.

  52. I thought it was ‘Aefro’ – African with an edge and ‘Chique’ – chic with a twist.

    GRAW, would never have guessed.

  53. Gala, how do you pronounce the second part of your name, is it dreel, or dree-elle? And how did YOU come by that?

  54. you need to expand your reading beyong Mills and Boon aChic.

    Galadriel, the lady of the forest, a high elf of Lothlorien in Tolkien’s Lord of The Rings series.

  55. Tolkien comes in very handy as a doorstop. Tried to read that 3 times, couldnt get past the first few pages of the hobbity bits. Now if you have read Anna Karenina and War and Peace, then I will be impressed.

  56. And hey, dont knock Mills and Boon, a lot of hard work goes into writing those books. Millions of books all with one theme/plot, but different every time, and no plagiarism either. That takes (misplaced and misguided) skill.

  57. So I stand corrected, did me a wikipedia search, and Galadriel was Cate Blanchett. Now why didn’t somebody say so earlier. (from this one can garner that I am of that generation that doesn’t believe in the book, but prefers instead the TV/film/movie version)

  58. no tolkiemism involved only a strong masochist desire to punish myself…strandza is stress Zimified

  59. I read the book after the film and decided from it that Galadriel was the coolest woman. Book was certainly better than the film. Those who loved the film should read the book coz they are missing out on the rest of the story. Tried to watch Anna Karenina and found it mind-numbing. Never read a Mills and Boon ever. And the pronuonciation is Ga-la-dree-elle.

  60. “Eyes alight and ready with a helping hand minds opening (out) and reaching for the blue….. S-I-N-E M-E-T-U” ….. was reminded of that one today.

  61. Maiweeee, finish now school anthems are coming out!

    Read the Tolkien books first, and I’ve been looking for War and Peace…

  62. War and Peace is awesome, but pales in comparison the weed smoking halflings of Tolkien. Tolstoy’s got no epic battles neither- just Napoleon invading Russia in 1812, barely a blip in history if you ask me.

  63. Black, saw a pic of you on facebook and am wondering how curren it is. That the new hair?

  64. Ordinary. Your old hair had more attitude. I take it you now accompany the Mrs when she goes to the saloon (sic) to get your logs (sic) done.

  65. @ gala (ref: comment 30). so, about people not knowing ur identity, apart from ululating @ graduation ceremonies in bristol, πŸ˜‰ whats there to hide??

    oh by the way, strength of a bear, eyes of a hawk and the speed of a puma… BRAVESTARR..!!

  66. Yeah, well my “new” hair gots to grow first, ‘ite? Tsk

    This “you don’t know me” biz has to stop, lest ppl start opening each others’ dockets here.

  67. Hell hath no fury like a woman denied sex. The following made my eyes water:

    A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend’s testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.
    Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

    She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: “That’s yours.”

  68. that is the last time I ever let a woman go down on me, well … I will be hesitant… who am I kidding… fast track her downstairs, damn the consequences

    like the new look Joe

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  71. sha aefro chique,i knew both the guyz in the samson the bull ad.
    Mucha murapa(saints) did the english version and emmanuel ramushu(st johns) the shona version.can any of you tech owns find that ad?

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