The Story of a Zimbabwean Laptop

Glass Ceiling - by Michael DixonComrades, I must admit I have a rebellion on my hands.

My computer is split into three factions with all of them up in arms (prolly cos they’re cut from the same cloth). The entire system is on a go-slow, resource usage is sky-rocketing and now even the smaller programs are refusing to function.

First I thought I’d been infected by a virus from outside; but after purging a variety of files with no solution, it seems the problem is an internal matter which somehow slipped through all my safeguards.

I have tried all sorts of stop-gap measures, removing unnecessary software to curb leakage of resources, but I’m now having issues with the basic hardware itself. My memory is failing, the screen fades out and even blanks out occasionally; the central processor is having a hell of a time trying to cope.

I’m even past the stage where regular reboots are helpful. The system crashes when I run video, open too many connections to the rest of the world, even when I plug in (or remove) peripherals. Bloody hell, if I disconnect the power cable for a second the whole system freezes.

I think it’s time to declare a state of emergency here. I’ll call in the Linux cavalry and wipe the entire thing out, amalgamate all three partitions, and rebuild the system on a back-to-basics template.

Or maybe I’ll just admit failure and give my laptop to another user.

33 Replies to “The Story of a Zimbabwean Laptop”

  1. Well, it’s an interesting allegory you have used here. A bit of genius, in my reckoning. You do of course have to factor in things like, will the user you pass it on to FIX it? Or will he wreck it beyond consolation? Or even give it up in frustration?

    All around, job well done mate. %100,000? Must be horrible.

  2. I am looking for CDs by the Celebration Choir of Bonnie Deuschle fame. I have looked around online I must be using the wrong search criterion coz I cant find anything. Any ideas/help/sources?

  3. Gazza has always been a nut case..

    The Indians have spoken and the spineless ICC have jumped……money talks and the ICC have a very good ear!!!

  4. Typical of Zimbos to beat about the bush. You know that ‘Sekuru’ in a core processor is too old and has been a lousy manager anyway.

    I think you stuffed it up back in 2000 when you defragged and instead of optimizing, the stupid machine deleted system files and allocated space for You Tube video steaming and now your hard drive is a ‘party over here’ for all the black people.

    My recomendation – change the operating system!

  5. JB Esq. If you could hook me up with some bootleg copies, I would be most appreciative. But I am prepared to pay for them if need be. This is only as the last recourse mind you.

    How much is a beer nowadays?

  6. Hah no chance dear, we don’t DO bootleg πŸ™‚

    Beer is costly iwe, 15 to 20 million for a pint, 30 million for a headmaster. Double that for imports.

    Shame.

  7. heheh πŸ˜€ liverpool won πŸ˜€ cheaski lost πŸ˜€ arsenal drew but the scum won and how πŸ™

    except for the last part twas a cool weekend how was everyone elses

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