1. Clothes no matter how wonderful they are, do not have powers of locomotion. They will NOT pick themselves up off the floor. Underwear with skid marks is a definite NO-NO. Mate, Softex is there for a reason.
2. Football. Good. Cricket. Good. Rugby. Good. Formula One. Great. Living it up with your friends in Scud and Nanny. Also good. But a conversation where none of these is mentioned every two minutes. Priceless.
3. There are other restaurants out there. Pizza Inn (no matter the price) is not eating out. Nor is kudya sadza kwa Mai George.
4. Personality, like the chivheti thing, is a two way street. You say a word like ?vicarious? and a brother looks at you askance, like, is that some new type of viagra.
5. It is not ok for you to have boys nights out where all sorts of shenanigans take place and then try to put me on lockdown when I want to have a girls night out. Chihure chako chihure chako. Please dont project your promiscuity onto me.
6. You will not be struck down dead by lightning if you set foot in a church. Not all the sisters are looking to hook their 5-inch acrylic claws into you and hang on for dear life (well, the nuns anyway)
7. Eight o clock means eight o?clock. I don?t mean five past eight, or a little after eight, or around eight. I mean eight. Don?t make me have to pull out the neck-twisting, tongue-clicking, finger snapping for your inability to read the time correctly.
8. Action movies are not the only Hollywood releases.
9. Looking at other girls and admiring them is fine. But people, whatever happened to discretion. At least in my presence, try to pretend that you aren?t checking out the talent.
10. Getting laid when you?ve been out on an eight hour drinking spree is not going to happen. If I want to waste my time, I will watch the Zimbabwe soccer and cricket teams.
11. Purleaze! Nobody ?reads? Playboy for the articles. The occasional trip to the library or the bookstore, or even that guy on the corner paRezende naNelson Mandela if Kingston?s proves to be beyond your financial reach, would not be amiss. The occasional big word never hurt nobody.