10 simple things I look for in a man

1. Clothes no matter how wonderful they are, do not have powers of locomotion. They will NOT pick themselves up off the floor. Underwear with skid marks is a definite NO-NO. Mate, Softex is there for a reason.

2. Football. Good. Cricket. Good. Rugby. Good. Formula One. Great. Living it up with your friends in Scud and Nanny. Also good. But a conversation where none of these is mentioned every two minutes. Priceless.

3. There are other restaurants out there. Pizza Inn (no matter the price) is not eating out. Nor is kudya sadza kwa Mai George.

4. Personality, like the chivheti thing, is a two way street. You say a word like ?vicarious? and a brother looks at you askance, like, is that some new type of viagra.

5. It is not ok for you to have boys nights out where all sorts of shenanigans take place and then try to put me on lockdown when I want to have a girls night out. Chihure chako chihure chako. Please dont project your promiscuity onto me.

6. You will not be struck down dead by lightning if you set foot in a church. Not all the sisters are looking to hook their 5-inch acrylic claws into you and hang on for dear life (well, the nuns anyway)

7. Eight o clock means eight o?clock. I don?t mean five past eight, or a little after eight, or around eight. I mean eight. Don?t make me have to pull out the neck-twisting, tongue-clicking, finger snapping for your inability to read the time correctly.

8. Action movies are not the only Hollywood releases.

9. Looking at other girls and admiring them is fine. But people, whatever happened to discretion. At least in my presence, try to pretend that you aren?t checking out the talent.

10. Getting laid when you?ve been out on an eight hour drinking spree is not going to happen. If I want to waste my time, I will watch the Zimbabwe soccer and cricket teams.

Oh yeah

11. Purleaze! Nobody ?reads? Playboy for the articles. The occasional trip to the library or the bookstore, or even that guy on the corner paRezende naNelson Mandela if Kingston?s proves to be beyond your financial reach, would not be amiss. The occasional big word never hurt nobody.

40 Replies to “10 simple things I look for in a man”

  1. Clearly if thats all women wanted (as per the above list) we would all be in very happy relationships! 95% of the lads I know will score at least a 9/11 (and I’m being conservative) and thats without even trying. Admitedly we struggle with Nos 9 & 10

  2. But that’s where you make your first mistake Trevor, thinking that ALL women want the same thing. Unlike Whitney Houston and Chaka Khan before her, I am not every woman.

  3. Sure things rule don’t play them games but a game is a game Hagar or Andy Capp, it takes two to tungle. OOOOOps girls scud yaka sotwa —– SEX yacho iye hauzoda. I prefer no RULES at all. Sorry except for one ?????? Shaved pusy

  4. obviously someone HASN’T been going for dance rehearsals recently. two to TANGO!!!! Chivheti chetaita mention earlier.

  5. I concur with you BJ (Black Joe) and Trev. I can easily score 10/11 on this list. Im weak on #7 – but eh women are patient I cn always get away with it. DEMAND MORE

  6. please there is no chance all you guys are right with the basics. Especially one I know who failed dismaly in at least 3 that I can count. Let’s just go to the most basic of all like Zandile said

  7. but all that armoury, big dick, tongue and stuff, is useless if he doesnt know how to use. What’s the point of WMD not being in the right hands, so to speak.

    And that’s where women get it wrong, you demand far too much and then are disappointed when your man fails to meet your exceedingly high expectations. Life is simple, people just complicate issues unnecessarily.

  8. Its easier to demand for boobs that you can see – are you gonna be asking guys to show you their dicks and pop out their tounges. Good demand thou

  9. Aefro, me thinks u fighting a losing battle here. The list compiled both here & on the previous posting are the basics, the mafuta when frying your muriwo. The madomasi nedhovi (i.e. the specialist treatment u think/feel u deserve) can only be determined AFTER u have made iniitial contact.

  10. A bit ambiguous, eh Jane Blogs? “Most guys” won’t measure up, you say.

    Sounds like you’ve had a disappointing time so far 😉

    WMD, hehehehehehehe Andy Tee LOL

  11. If there is one thing that I have realised about being in Japan is that mabhoyi TAKAVAKWA!!!! Our women have ass, tits, hips, and our men, big dicks and ass! You will not hear me make any complaints about a brother’s endowment policy!

  12. So why wasn’t that requirement in the top ten? Or is it that you naturally go for brothers, and assume they already have “big dicks and ass”…

    Magero that’s where you COCK it up – you tell us all the wonderful things you want in a man. But after we scratch the surface, that’s when we reach the bread and butter issues!!

    Be clear from the start – it’s all about the penis, surely.

  13. I said earlier that big dick in the wrong hands is useful to no one. Although I would take a big dick over a small one anyday, if it isn’t offer, there are always Kegel exercises to keep things rolling along. So no, a big dick is not a prerequisite.

  14. After 13 comments, we are where we started…..What do women want? If u dont know then how can I help u satisfy your chakuti chakuti

  15. hey, we said that it was TEN SIMPLE THINGS. You have strayed outside of the territory of ten, and the territory of simple. If you want a thesis, who has the time or the inclination? I would rather put such energies into getting laid!?!

  16. If I recall, it was the author of the nyaya who first strayed from the TEN SIMPLE THINGS by posting ELEVEN

    Fact is, there’s no simple resolution to what women want, but for us men, v.v.simple

  17. it was more of an aside than a separate point, i couldn’t edit point 4, and for that I blame the website and the site administrator. 😉

  18. Damn this site is buzzing huh? my two cents: I love my man and I have my ten things zvangu, so am cool

    otherwise some of these fine caramel Maori brothers around here would be in trouble if I wasnt a married woman!!!!!

  19. I did say that it wasn’t simple! In most cases, we know what we want when we see it. Guys think that just coz they’re well endowed, etc, it makes up for their lousy attitudes and so on, which isn’t the case. Apart from what’s listed above – character/ behaviour traits, what a woman wants often hinges on how a man makes her feel. I could be wrong…

  20. And for the record, if we are strictly honest, I have been trying to keep things simple, it’s these other female cats who keep throwing a spanner into the works and adding stuff to the list. My original 10 (and an aside) still stand.

  21. Like u dont enjoy that meal, its meant for an ox. Clearly u are not one of them. Achic, don worry someday someone will agree with u…….until then its on for Rosebank (where the ladies of the night have their offices)

  22. check out my blog… ull see my 2 cents on wot i think about the “ideal” dude.

    who cares wot anyone thinks? just have standards and keep it simple… and you’ll get wotchu lookn for 🙂

    thats me 2 cents

  23. I think Joe hit the ummm on the umm… “If I recall, it was the author of the nyaya who first strayed from the TEN SIMPLE THINGS by posting ELEVEN”… underlines the whole problem… Women always want more than what they originally ask men to sign up for! A man can never have enough, simple or otherwise

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