Zimbabwe yakaoma– we all know this. We’re at the stage where if you don’t jump around, duck-and-dive, shuck-and-jive on a regular basis, you’ll die of hunger my young friend. Fortunately for some, the “down-turn” has presented The Bachelors a unique opportunity for…ahem…exploitation.
Remember the days when all it took to nail a UZ student was a trip to Second Street Extension for a chicken burger? That’s about the situation we’re in now, with a combination of factors making life tougher for all the younger ladies in Hahaharare, especially the working ones.
Firstly, if you have a car, stop reading this right now. You’re sorted already, and if you aren’t getting laid uri ndururani!
Now, with the random power blackouts, things are really tight for the young ladies. Aside from stocking up on fruits and tea loaves, there ain’t much you can do to plan around ZESA, unless you’re selling ass at Tipperary’s and always have money for take-out. This is where we, The Bachelors, swoop in and save the day.
Gents, remember the good old boarding school days, when you went to school with half your trunk-space filled with tuck? Doggy biscuits, cam meat, corned beef, canned spaghetti and motherfuckin Cashel Valley Baked Beans? You could survive on that shit without steppin’ inside the hostel dining hall, right? That’s why I propose the Baked Beans Theory of Sexual Exploitation.
The perfect candidate is one who always complains about power cuts – she’s ripe. Before you’re done spending your salary, go shopping for a bag of tuck, then go to her and say how much you feel sorry for her what with all the blackouts and all, and how you got her something that won’t go bad when the ZESA does. Just because you care, of course. No ulterior motives.
Lie back and enjoy the results. Repeat as desired.
P.S. – Don’t even think of taking her to the Scud, a beer is now 12 million, imagine how much those disgusting fruity alcoholic bevvies will be?