â€œHey Joe, just wondering, Beyonce or Shakira? Just saw their vid and thought of you. If you had to choose, which would it be. Death is not an option or any other cop out. I think the video does well to level the playing field donâ€™t you think. So Beyonce or Shakira? Think well and hard about this. No rash decisions. Consider every variable fromâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦. well, donâ€™t want to create any bias so I shall keep schtum. Oh,and for the record, the vid and the song suck.â€
Let me get this clear from the start â€“ I agree about the song sucking, and the video is pretty ordinary. Lax production values, lyrics are dumb, ass sells records etc. Right, disclaimer done.
I would do them both, if thatâ€™s what you were asking! If your question was talent-based, Iâ€™d take Shakira any day. You canâ€™t really compare them though, because dance-wise, Shakira really does more of that belly-dance thingy while Beyonce is more in the hip-hop/pop spectrum.
Voice-wise, itâ€™s a matter of taste. B can sing, we all know that, but her voice has always really just grated on my tits. Saccharine-sweet with no character, just another RnB singer, then. Shakira is harder to fathom, I guess that growl sounds sweet in Spanish, but itâ€™s never done anything for me. At least itâ€™s got character.
Body-wise, I rather fancy a bit of Shakira. Her figure seems to make more sense, doesnâ€™t it? I mean, Beyonce is all tits and ass like whoa (and she doesnâ€™t like clothes either), but Shakira is a little more well-shaped while still having all the necessaries in place.
So the answer to your question, Galadriel, is this:
Shakira Shakira. With a tub of chocolate ice-cream and pair of fluffy handcuffs, please.